as you know i read the bible every sunday for an hour

it’s a deal i cut with the Lord that instead of going to church every sunday, i would read the bible for that hour, especially since that was always my favorite part of church

i became upset that they didnt spend more time on the gospel and instead wasted all this time with the ritual and ceremony and handshaking and money giving

and singing badly and the kneeling and the getting up and the sitting down

here you have a dude who is so into religion that he has given away all of his money, agreed not to have any sex or family

and the one big facetime he has with the public, 90 percent of it is scripted and a repeat of the week before.

i say let him talk. and i say let him talk about what it is in that bible that changed his life. and if he has seriously thrown away all of the earthly obstacles, then what he will say will be clear and honest and

maybe even a little inspiring.

but theres none of that. and if it is theres a motive. there should only be one motive: truth

so i read the bible every sunday, pretty much without fail, for like 15-20 years now.

hard to keep track, cuz really, whos counting.

anyways it isnt the joy it used to be. i know whats gonna happen. im not into it.

you should be into something if youre trying to do it for holy reasons.

so i decided i will spend that time reading regular books.

i have a house full of incredible regular books, the kind i used to read in college

in isla vista, the most distracting place in the world.

how does anyone study there?

i used to think that i would give the college of creative studies a million if i ever won the lottery,

but even with a brand new building

yes in my world it only cost a million dollars to build

a sweetass building

but now im thinking i will just give it to robyn directly because

how do kids pay attention to anything in that world

how did i? and i read so much.

answer: there was no internet.

last night matt welch was in town because he was one of the guests in bill mahers hbo show, real time

i texted him and said if theres an afterparty let a brotha know

afterparty was in the courtyard of the boutique beverly hills hotel where everyone speaks french

fortunately for all of us i dabble in the francais

so i was all, matt welch, voila? and i pointed

they were all, oui!

and i was like merci baby

the bible is about heartbreak and mistrust.

its about anger and confusion and

most of all,

disobedience,

for no good reason other than knuckleheadness.

after a while it gets depressing.

i took a lyft over to le hotel so i could drink

and it turned out hbo was paying for the drinks

so me basart and welch sat around and they asked me who i was gonna be voting for on tuesday

and i said willie wilson

and matt spit out his champaign and said

the speedy kc royal who swiped 668 stolen bases over his 19 year career?

and i said, yes and no

and i told them that i saw dr. wilson’s name on my sample ballot and i went to his website

and then his facebook page

and now im gonna vote for him.

and we toasted to our new friend

dr willie wilson from chicago

who never stole shit.