it makes me sad because i always hit my deadlines.

but this is a different type of assignment. it’s long and involved. and even though we knew about it a month ago, i had three other assignments between then and now, plus i had to work far longer on those than i expected.

and worse of all, this one, like i said, is long and involved. and i know nothing about it.

and my stomach was in knots all day today and a little yesterday because of it.

sometimes a situation appears in front of you and you know how to work with it. 99% of the time i drive i know several different routes to where we need to go if disaster strikes. thats why im always cool behind the wheel.

in this scenario, i knew everything was against me. most of all, time.

with me, there is often a little spark of magic that strikes when i write things

sometimes.

from day one on this thing, a month ago, there was no magic, ever. it was all work.

dig dig dig, polish, place.

one sentence after another. it literally would take hours for a sentence.

mostly because it has to be true. and accurate. and well written. and with proof.

so you read read read. talk talk. google read google. then you have a sentence.

i even talked to experts but they were on a different plane.

our planes never intertwined.

last week my plane and the other dudes planes were doing loop di loos together.

any question i had there was an answer. anywhere i wanted to go, he was there too.

it was different because he had little two sentence answers, which is quotable but i wanted to get deep.

so i realized i needed several followups.

this was harder. still is. i have tonight and i have tomorrow to see what last minute miracle happens.

and hopefully i got over the tough transition today, but im still not sure.

heres my biggest fear about it: i dont want kids looking at it while doing research if its not fucking great.

as someone who dealt with less than fucking great materials when i was a kid,

i dont wanna be that guy to them.