minding my own business. only had it so i would pick up Uber Select. really i was driving from one Pokemon gym to the other. it was night.

got a ping and this guy comes out and says, hi youre gonna take my friend Mo. he needs to go to the Westin LAX.

awesome. a saturday night run to the airport? why not.

one of the more fascinating rides ive ever had. dude is Jewish from Chile but has been studying the New Testament his whole life. Bro is 70+ years old.

why?

because his parents were so worried that the Nazis would find out that he was Jewish that he would kill him.

me: were there lots of Nazis in Chile after WWII?

him: no. but my parents were very cautious.

turns out he teaches the bible. lectures. mostly at churches. hes a scholar.

then he asks me if i know where any street hookers are. i say, thats the most interesting question ive ever been asked. i say, yes. he says, im not interested in their business, i just want to tell them about the bible. i say i think they know about the bible. he says, yeah i know, but thats also what i do, i try to tell them about the bible.

so i say, weirdly theres not a lot of street hookers at midnight. the last time i saw a bunch of them was at 6:30am in DTLA right by this strip club. apparently the men are all horned up and the club is emptying and there are all these hookers ready to finish them off.

Mo says, you have quite a way with words.

i say, gratzi.

as we’re driving he tells me how much he likes black women.

so i say, lets go through Inglewood. you never know we might get lucky.

and sure enough, right by a knock off Motel 6, there we see a tall latino street hooker and i say, the thing is, you never know if thats a man or a woman until all becomes revealed.

when we get to the Westin he tips me $20.

thanks God!

got a ping in westwood, which was fine. normally im taking consultants from the hotels near UCLA to LAX on thursdays.

yesterday, no such luck. a bunch of short and medium trips around beverly hills and westwood, which is actually better because im trying to lose a few pounds so zulieka will love my nude snapchat pics and any time i drop someone off at LAX late on a thursday i always make a run to in n out for my long drive home because there really isnt much business around there.

so i got the call. the name sounded arabic. usually i’ll put on old school jazz like wes montgomery or miles or art or thelonious. but this place was south of wilshire so i threw on some solo lou reed. a nice little mix i made. you know.

couple appear. they apologize for being late to the car. say they had problems putting their kids to sleep.

i was all, say no more. (as if i knew what that was like) (i would let them cry. LIFE ISNT ALL THREE WAYS AND ICE CREAM ORGIES, KIDS, CRY ME A RIVER) and they giggled. then i made the worst mistake of all, i asked them how old their little darlings are.

they said, “fine.” and then started bickering with each other about how they need to be tougher on their kids. then they argued about moving one of the kids from one class to another because he had no friends (this is day three of the school year) and none of the kids are persian and the teacher might be great but the class is too big.

sometimes theyd argue in english but as i turned Sweet Jane up they started fighting in persian.

it was very uncomfortable.

finally they asked me if i had any kids.

i said, the people i drive are my pride and joy and i hope they feel safe and loved on our trips.

calmed them right the hell down.