i was trying to uber last night as the election results were pouring in and i was making some good money because lots of people wanted to watch with their friends.

but then i got super sad and nervous and i was near the In N Out next to Hollywood High standing in line for a double double fries and a chocolate shake

when a pretty girl started sexting me. i get worried about that business because even though i love to write and text and talk about those topics,

what happens if she gets pissed at me one day and publishes it online to embarrass me?

i will forever be a midwestern boy no matter my age.

but fuckit i said to myself, the worlds gonna end and at my age everyone knows im a red blooded american man.

Got home and curled up and watched the end of western civilization via Fox News. Even they couldnt believe it.

The scene was just as surreal watching the Trump Family and his acceptance speech last night

as it was watching the Cubs finally get their reward last week in Chicago.

so many people texted me. some were hard to talk with because it was such an emotional downer. but most were great to hear from.

i think three beautiful canadian girls proposed to me so i could move up there.

i asked one of them, your bf wont mind if i marry you? she said nah, hes a dope.

then this american girl said lets get married. worlds gonna end. i said fine but lets escape to Old Quebec.

she said why there?

i said i was there with a girl who wasnt in love with me which was sad because it was like the most romantic place ive been in this hemisphere.

she said, lets make new memories. how about Costa Rica?

i said is that in mexico she said no. i said fine. she said but you love mexicans. i said it sounds close to mexico, i can visit.

so i looked at it on the map and its near cuba sorta. if you have a boat. and why not have a boat if youre living in Costa Rica with a pretty girl with a floppy hat.

and those are the things you should think about

even if theyre just glorious fantasies

as the world melts down

and the devil smiles

from his podium.