anna came over, she said she was worried

why do you have Merrick Garland as your Facebook profile pic? she asked.

how did you get in my house? i said in my pajamas holding a dripping flap jack flapper in one hand and a cat in the other.

ive had your key for 15 years busblog!

she looked good. she always does. but im a sucker mc. i try not to let pretty girls to get away with murder but i always give in. it might be my biggest flaw.

i said whats wrong with having merrick garland as my pic?

she said come ON, i love you because you’re way more than politics.

i was all baby the house is on fire the street is on fire.

the fire is on fire!

how am i supposed to talk about the new 2 Chainz joint or even an old one if all my records have melted because my entertainment station is on fire?!?!

she said i was over reacting. and my pancakes were on fire.

the cat leapt out of my hands, scratching me a little.

i said you have it made, youre american youre russian you dont mind peeing on girls in front of fat guys. your taxes are about to go down. but let me tell you something about those taxes of yours: theyre about to catch fire.

and then we made love on my waterbed because it was almost the same as a hot tub because the waterbed was on fire too.

and for that minute i was amazing.

people say theyve never seen anything like this before

but it’s not new.

when bush cheney was in office they lied just as much.

the difference was they were a little more slick about it.

they still got caught left and right for lying and creating bullshit distractions like the red orange yellow green alerts, which they never allowed turn green.

they still were exposed for having a gay male prostitute toss softball questions to the president.

someone who they gave a day pass to every day for two years.

they lied about 9/11, they lied about going to war with iraq, they lied about torture and haliburton and the saudis

they deleted multitudes more emails than hillary

they sent our economy into a tailspin affecting millions of americans which ended in a recession that was felt around the world.

and when you tried to debate people online back then, some dozen years ago, it was sorta like trying to do it now: they kicked back Rush Limbaugh lines instead of Sean Hannity lines or Breitbart lines but they didn’t know what they were saying.

and everything they echoed had something to do with national security as if this country had a reason to run scared

when all along the phone call was coming from inside the house.

today trumps spokesperson said the muslim ban er travel ban was a huge success despite the fact that it was imposed on people from countries that have not done us any harm.

hey look! this puppy hasn’t mauled me. success!

color me impressed.

RIP boiling the water

i have pretty girls saying they want me. then they cancel on me.

its like, just dont. im just a man.

then on Bumble, you think you have someone who is halfway normal: cool job, some decent chats back and forth

and then the red flags come up.

she says hey im gonna quit this app, heres my number, call or text.

i go, great, heres mine too.

then a few days later she goes hey my text is funky, heres my WhatsApp

and i think to myself, communication in my life is key. KEY.

no matter how smoking hot this girl is, no matter how great her job is, i cant text her to tell her i scored great tickets to somewhere or im running late or hey look at this fur bikini, what size are you again?

instead i either have to WhatsApp her or wait for her text to become unfunky?

i know maybe 2 million people. 3.5 million if i count trump supporters. you know how many of them have problems with their texting capabilities?


so suddenly i have to allow the one with funky texting issues into my squared circle?

forget it.

donald trump wont even let people who have been extreme vetted into the country and ive gotta let some gorgeous long haired asian beauty queen who lives like 15 minutes away into my heart and home

and she can’t even with her phone?

what has happened to this country?

is everything fraud on top of fraud?

what happened to, “yo, lets do this.”

“great, what time.”

“only time is now.”

“you got that right bb”

“be there asap.”

“whens that”

“10 minutes.”

“perfect, i’ll boil the water.”

“say what?”

“oh you’ll see.”

and then you fucking do see.

dear tony, did Uber do the right thing by capping Surge for today’s protests


people are deleting their uber apps for a variety of reasons.

today Uber said that they won’t have surges for people going to the airports to protest the Muslim Travel Ban. isn’t that a good thing?

Not Travis

Uber is hypersensitive about Surge and manipulates it – almost always – for the wrong reasons. This is no exception. Uber introduced Surge as being an incentive to Drivers to go places they weren’t at or go to events that are a royal pain in the ass.

Most people would say that driving to the airport on a normal day is a pain. Imagine driving there today when protesters are making things extremely slow and arduous?

If the Surge is capped at a low rate the person losing money on the deal isn’t Uber, it is the Driver. It’s the driver’s car, the driver’s time, the driver’s gas and insurance and headache – not Uber’s. Travis is enjoying a Sunday that will get him more “Booking Fees” than an average Sunday. He doesn’t care about Surge because he only gets 20-25% of that.

If the Surge is too low, drivers won’t leave their couch. The best way for Uber/Trump to fight these airport protests is to de-incentives Uber drivers from taking passengers to the crowded airports.

tony, I see your point, but it still seems like an equally viable explanation (to me) was that they were trying to make it easier for people to get there. Uber’s core value (I speculate) is not to help their drivers make money l, but to service their customers (and I apologize, knowing that you’re a driver, too, but their customers SHOULD be their focus). The screwing over of the employees not withstanding, might the corporate bigwigs not have been expecting a baseline of employee responsibility from their drivers and were instead trying to help out the customer?

It’s interesting how in this case the same action could literally be taken in exact opposite ways.

– not travis

I share your belief that Uber cares about the customer. So do we drivers. But again, Surge inspires drivers to get on the road. Which would a customer rather have: no uber cars available or uber cars available at the same price as cabs (which is typically what an uber at surge rates costs)?

Let’s say right now a driver takes someone from DTLA to LAX. What would inspire him to drive back to DTLA to pick up new passengers other than a generous surge? Nothing. Thus DTLA gets depleted of Uber cars, and the passengers there don’t get served. Surge helps replenish areas with high demand and fewer cars. To manipulate it, in my mind, does a disservice to all parties.

if you are considering deleting your uber app, sign up with Lyft and get $10 off your first trip

and now, Dan Rather

Today I shed a tear for the country I know and love, the one I believe still beats in the heart of most of its citizens.

The United States became the most powerful nation in the history of mankind not merely on the basis is its fearsome military, as lethal and well trained as that may be. It wasn’t solely based on its unprecedented economic engine, as dynamic and far-reaching as that may be. America’s greatness was forged by a Constitutional compact of grand and universal ideals that the country has tried to live up to ever since.

For generations, we have been an imperfect but vital beacon of freedom to a world too often wandering and failing in moral confusion. But that ultimate strength has dimmed considerably in light of the recent actions on immigration from the new President Donald Trump. We are turning around desperate refugees. We are singling out men, women, and children on the basis of their faith – and we are doing all of this with a randomness and capriciousness that defies reason.

A colleague of mine used the term “heartless” to describe so much ot the President’s executive actions. Sadly, I found it an apt and dispiriting diagnosis—especially when faced with the results of his executive order on immigration. For over the years, I have seen that our greatest American leaders extol empathy rather than condemnation. They have known that in a complicated world, it is best to make policy choices with a scalpel – not a hacksaw. Sometimes, when our national security is threatened at the level of World War II, all-out conflict is the only recourse. But those instances are by far the exception.

From Vietnam, to the Iraq War, from Japanese internment camps to the centuries-long persecution on the basis of race and ethnicity that almost toppled our democratic experiment, broad strokes channeling our least compassionate and most jingoistic impulses have always made us weaker rather than stronger.

Today, in the wake of his one-man decision to wreck and reverse immigration policy so suddenly, there is chaos and confusion mixed with heartbreak and fear. A well thought-out, measured overhaul of immigration policy, with organized-in-advance measures to implement that is one thing—and one that perhaps a majority of Americans would support, But this mess, created overnight, is quite another. With this, we have embolden our enemies who want to see nothing else than to compete in a world of moral relativism. In the Cold War, our struggles over civil rights fed into the propaganda of the Soviet Union – as our new actions fuel the extremism Mr. Trump claims to be attacking.

Too many people during the campaign explained away Mr. Trump’s irresponsible rhetoric as metaphors and euphemisms. These are not concepts he understands. Serious foreign policy experts know that this is a boon for our enemies and undermines our democratic principles. But too many Republican leaders in Congress, even ones that denounced the Muslim ban during the campaign, stand by cheering it now. History will mark their names, as it marks this moment.

This will be challenged in the courts, who may very well strike it down. But damage, real damage, has been done to our global image. I believe Vladimir Putin is smiling, and would-be global powers like China see a vacuum forming that they will be eager to fill.

I still remain optimistic that the vast majority of American people will recoil and speak out at this unwise policy. But whether we like it or not, as the detentions and impediments already springing up make all too real, this is the stated de facto policy of the United States today. Every day that it goes on, every day the chaos, confusion and heartbreak deepens, America loses more pieces of its soul and standing in the world.

— Dan Rather

goat head

every day we wake up and

that fool

hasn’t blown this whole galaxy up in flames

is a blessed day.

had a terrible toothache yesterday.

it had been lingering for the last few days.

still i can feel it but its better.

had to go to the dentist yesterday after lunch.

cute babe in the waiting room was flipping through a marijuana magazine.

i was all, they subscribe to this here now?

she said it’s mine and winked.

i asked whats your favorite strain

she goes, oh i don’t smoke, i just like to read about it and look at the pictures.

in LA you never know if theres a hidden camera somewhere, especially in waiting rooms.

so i picked up the sports illustrated.

she asked, do you have a favorite strain?

i said the Princess Sleia, unless im trying to go to sleep and then its the Bitch McConnell.

got in the dentist chair, dentist poked around a little, his assistant got the machine that pumps out

ozone (!)

they ozoned my tooth, prodded, scraped, x rayed, and visualized it

they gave me a nice pokin stick, some oil, and a plastic syringe to shoot salt water at it.

and sent me on my way.

total charge $13 because insurance doesnt pay for ozone for some reason.

RIP Mary Tyler Moore

Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it’s you girl, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can never tell, why don’t you take it
You’re gonna make it after all
You’re gonna make it after all

How will you make it on your own?
This world is awfully big, girl this time you’re all alone
But it’s time you started living
It’s time you let someone else do some giving

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can never tell, why don’t you take it
You might just make it after all
You might just make it after all

i made it

i woke up at 3am

got in the shower around 3:20am

got to work at 4am

was eating delicious bacon at 4:13am

we started our noms around 5:15am

all was well

now im exhausted

we saw the sun rise

everyone was happy

everyone said how great everyone was

someone said how many people saw it

i said

1.5 million

everyone laughed

now im eating left over eggs and potatoes

god is good

life is nice

now im trying to get my butt back home

so sleepy.