it’s surprising how quickly i can clean up my house when the price is right

she said she had some lobsters. i said i have some mashed potatoes, broccoli and carrots.

i didnt tell her that the potatoes were pre mashed and the veggies you can nuke in the bag.

when she came over she saw a huge Groupon box that was just delivered.

whats that she asked?

not sure, i said, nervous that it might be some inappropriateness that i’d bought for another.

she said arent you gonna open it?

i said, it wouldnt be a surprise if i open it.

the food got made fast, we sat on my couch. the cats behaved.

finally she said, are you seriously not going to open the box?

the movie was boring.

so i said, fine. but you have to know, sometimes i order things as gifts for people

and they’re completely jokes.

uh huh, she said and retrieved a pair of scissors from my wall.

i hang scissors on my wall, ok?

opened the box and it was this Egg Cooker where you can hard boil up to 7 eggs at one time.

i was relieved.

she said, im stuffed but maybe we should see if this works.

it worked.

we sprinkled some salt on the eggs, ate them, and i said, i fucking love eggs

she said me too and took off her sweater.