me!

how is that possible?

and this isnt her first time either.

i know ive gained weight, lost some hair, let myself go a little.

but deep down im still capable of magic.

or at least illusions.

later in the night she was texting me and she dropped in a little joke.

she sent me a picture of an old man and said she had had sex with him that afternoon.

now i am a man with a vivid imagination and even though nothing in Here is true,

one thing ive learned from Real Life is anythings possible.

so i believed her.

and i texted “tell me more”

time passed and she did not tell me more, it just hung there like a wedding day fart

just lofting over the congregation.

wafting, hovering, weirdly getting larger and danker and more eerie.

it became so large it grew hair on its chin and knuckles

it bought a top hat and gloves, someone put a petunia in its lapel

its fingernails grew and yellowed and curled.

it became so large a representative from Jenny Craig left a leaflet on its door.

and then she admitted that she was just kidding

jk

and i said, baby fine as you are you can do whatever you want with your body

just be careful what you do on days when you cancel on me

because that will disturb my disposition.

she apologized, sent nudes, and assured me of my place in her world.

still not sure if that old guy got any

but for today, we’ll trust in the universe