ran around with my head chopped off

found a secret entrance to the xbi in burbank that they forgot was there

slipped in, said hi, stole a bagel, took off

a quick hi bye gotta fly like you see in the videos

and then the day was mine but i wanted to get a car wash and i couldnt find any car wash joints in burbank so i just drove drove drove

until i was in downtown LA and i found one but it wasnt moving

the little tokyo car wash

it was tiny and it had 4 cars in there, maybe 5 and i waited but it wouldnt budge so i said screw this, the next car wash is 8 minutes south, fine. but as i drove that way i passed a spot that advertised Oriental Rugs $22.

im old enough to know that signs are the biggest liars of anyone but i figured even if it was twice the price thats exactly in my budget.

anna kournikova of all people has been nagging me to “update” my apartment. she says i have the same old tired stuff in there as when we were first in love and rolling around on the floors.

i said hey ive got two new tvs and at least 4-5 new posters gimme a break, but i know what she meant

got to the carpet place, looked at the rugs, and boom there were a bunch for $38 out the door.

pointed, dude took it down, rolled it, taped it, leaned it next to the register, i gave the lady two 20s she gave $2 back

walk out with the carpet over my shoulder

smelliest homeless dude you ever saw goes, yo buddy

i gave him my $2 and i was out like seacrest