i never learned to rap

or breakdance

or sing in a way that makes the young girls cry.

but i have learned how to deal with uber passengers who cancel.

yesterday i was doing so well. first ride went from here to there.

next ride went there to here.

and then i cruised up wilshire from the beach past OJ’s to Bundy when ping!

it was an Uber Select ride, my favorite so i did a U-turn and waited and she canceled.

i was a little mad because there i was, clean car, vacuumed rugs, Sinatra on the stereo.

so i looked to see if i was there long enough to get the $5 cancelation fee.

no.

but when i checked i saw that she was gonna be going to Atwater Village. which is a great ride for me.

so i looped around again because maybe she needed to take a quick leak or smoke a bowl or take out the trash

and in 5-10 minutes she would make my day.

well, friends, she came out of that door 1 minute later and said are you my uber?

i said sure am.

she said can you cancel this guy then?

i said no but you can if you want.

and she did and she hired me and we drove and $60 later i was 10 minutes from my home and i laughed and laughed and laughed

but i still regret not learning how to spin on my head.