Monthly Archives: January 2018

because sometimes you meet people and they are even better

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they say dont meet your idols

i sat backstage with my favorite band the replacements when i was in college

i got to meet elvis costello that one time in frisco

and then of course now i work in the land of stars

and there are these screenings where they talk afterwards

at the times i had kareem abdul jabbar as one of our bloggers.

the thing about your heroes or my heroes or stars or people you look up to is

they might have a bad day the day you meet them

or they might be in the best mood in the world and have always wanted to meet you.

its a roll of the dice and if things dont mesh for that instant

that doesnt mean that theyre terrible people.

i took a job in frisco, working for the giants selling peanuts and beer

for the sole reason to discover if Barry Bonds was an asshole or not.

in many ways i am a scientist.

and the message i have for you is this

meet everyone.

dear tony, how would you market a microphone?

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Hi Tony, 

I appreciate your patience with me, but I really think you’d be a great podcaster. You seem to know everyone in LA, and our company would sponsor your show if you mentioned our microphones (which we would provide, gratis). 

But since you repeatedly decline, can you help brainstorm with us? We are having difficulty branding our mics – and it’s a very competitive market that we are in.

Regards,

Mike

whaddup, Mike,

podcasting is fine, but i’m not sure it’s for me. when i was at KPCC, i saw how difficult audio editing is, and to, me, great podcasting involves great editing – but it also requires fantastic content. i think you are thinking too inside-the-box by focusing on podcasters. think bigger. think Chappelle.

there are two places where lots of people see people rock the mic: musicians and comedians. bands have all these layers you have to deal with: the label, management, all of their existing sponsors, and who knows what else.

but comedians — there may be an opening there. and for sure there’s no branding between them and their sole tool: the mic.

here’s what i recommend. make a mic with a solid blue line that wraps around the shaft right under the meshy part (sorry I don’t know the terms). make another one with a red line.

send the sketches of the blue mic to Comedy Central and the red one to Netflix. tell them the truth, that when people see a guy like Chappelle on youtube, there’s no way to know if he is doing something from a CC special or a Netflix special unless they’re super fans.

BUT if people start seeing that blue line on a mic after a while they might start connecting the dots that “oh, that means Comedy Central”. likewise the red one would mean Netflix.

then you put out ads that say something like, “there’s a fine line between clever and stupid” under all these pics of comedians holding your blue or red mics (depending on which company understands that you are ALSO helping them brand their network).

yours in rock,

tony

tough day yesterday but it went smooth

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the academy is a fun place to work, mostly because of all the smart people. everyones an expert at something so it’s nice to learn from each other and then share all of that on big days like, yesterday, Oscar Noms announcement day.

the toughest part for me is waking up at 3am to be at work by 4am.

it’s tough because even if you can somehow get to bed by 10pm you dont fall asleep till midnight, especially if there are other things on your mind.

amber was a sweetheart and went to bed early with me and hearing her snooze in my ear has a soothing way of putting me to sleep but that was not the case. i was up till midnight, as usual, no matter what i tried to do.

the best advice i got was to drink a lot of water, that way your body would naturally wake you up at 3 to take a leak.

whatevers, i got some sleep, woke up, and headed to the office.

Sunset was a dream. not a car anywhere except on Vine where one had just gotten hit-and-run. the victim car was stuck in the road and if it had been any other day i woulda helped but i had to keep on rolling because my job was to do the Instagram Live video and the two set ups for the Insta Story.

the first was with the accomplished and charming Andy Serkis who has played an Ape, Snoke, Gollum, and King Kong. turns out at 4:20am he is professional and lovely and ready to improv with a sleepy head with a smart phone.

“just say, ‘hi this is Andy and welcome to the Oscar Noms'” i told him. and in one take we had it.

one take tony you can call me.

next up was America’s Sweetheart Tiffany Haddish who pretty much stole the show with her humorous mispronunciations of some of the noms’ names and hilarious quips. when i gave her what i was looking for she embellished it and gave us a little dance.

the morning went fast as early mornings usually do. and around 11am they let us go home to work from there.

and soon i was properly napping, wishing there was a daytime entertainment news program praising the academy for their diverse and worthy choices.

all you can do is your best

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when i played baseball there was an instruction that was also

an overall philosophy

“hit the ball hard and everything will fall in place”

so when you play you play at 100%

and sometimes the ball will make a funny bounce on a fielder and good things will happen.

sometimes the ball will go right in the other dudes glove and theres nothing you can do.

but as long as your energy is high, you hustle, and you prepare for the day

odds are you will play well

and when you play well you win.

i played hard yesterday, and life is a three-dimensional scoreboard, so sometimes when it looks like you lost

you actually didn’t lose at all.

so chill.

not everything is going to get a standing ovation, elvis.

i think i have a good idea

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funny cat is funnyi think i have, actually, many good ideas

amber is napping, charles mingus is on the bluetooth

one cat is sleeping on the floor, the other is on the bookshelf gnawing on the corner of it

i want to get this idea in the right hands

but tomorrow i have to get to sleep early because tuesday i have to be at work at 4am.

because of the oscar nominations.

which should be exciting, and we get to leave early when it’s over, after we do a few things, nothing too strenuous.

and then we can get back to sleep.

today i watched football and half of this hank williams movie.

last night we watched the Tonya Harding movie and amber cried because shes sensitive to violence.

which makes me feel like i have the blackest heart because i wasnt effected at all

except for near the end, margot robbie, as tonya was delivering this great monologue and

man it hit me.

because she was right, i had my opinion of her, based on a hand full of reports

this was all pre internet

but even today how often do we judge people without fully researching the sitch

the cat is now done with the bookshelf and sitting as close to ambers feet as possible

mingus keeps swinging

and i keep a-thinking…

do you know i love you, i do

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i have been blogging since the begining of time.

i was handed a macbook pro, and some blazing fast internet

the Creator said, do your thing my dude

and right away i was documenting the comings and goings of hollywood, isla vista, and all points in between.

with a twist.

in the last 16 years alone i have authored over 11,000 posts and made friends from all around the world due to this humble URL.

weirdly i tell anyone who will listen that nothing in here is true, and yet they still believe it all and root me on.

no one more heartily than my dear mother and closest friends.

i am so blessed i cant even believe it sometimes. it’s disgusting. im sick to my stomach now. hold up. brb.

the trick to success, as i have seen it, is to utilize the fact that we have two eyes two ears and just one mouth.

aka listen and learn before type type typing.

trust me when i tell you this is hard for me. because i have 10 fingers AND 10 toes.

and believe me when i tell you that there is plenty to see and hear and learn from here in LA,

so this blog has been a constant battle of waiting and writing.

for the first 12 years i didnt do much waiting and learning and seeing.

lately i have been doing a lot of soaking in.

especially the uber stuff

which initially was just a way to learn and watch and listen

but now has turned into something weirder and more loving

and something that i think about every day

in a good way.

which is to say this. if you follow me on instagram, you will know that i have been watching a movie every day. and then writing a sentence or two about it.

when i am in the theatres the weirdest thing happens: i think about work. never uber, but my real job.

even last night, during Paddington 2, something that had nothing to do with the innerworkings of my gig, there i was trying to figure out how to be better at it as that cute little bear worked out ways to handle Hugh Grant.

i dont know why its easier to blog about uber, but it is. and this blog could be 100% that.

i also dont know why i never think about uber on my down time.

but i dont.

maybe it’s because i already know im the best in the world at it.

no question.

no offense.

my man ryan was cruising around when he saw the most spectacular crash

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he was waiting for his Lyft with his beautiful girlfriend when they heard this car just gunning it down the street

he saw the headlights and the car didn’t slow down at all as it approached the median

it hit the curb

and

just

caught

air

flying over the entire street

and landing in the second story of the building they were standing near.

‘tony i thought i was gonna die!’

die? why?

‘dude every car crash i ever see in tv, the car explodes after a beat. so i grabbed my girl and we booked it about a block away.’

when the fire dept came and didnt spray the car they walked back to the scene and there was the dude climbing out o the car and hanging by the door.

“GET BACK INSIDE” my man ryan yelled.

“FIVE-OH” the kids screamed, alerting the drunk driver that the authorities were arriving.

dude got out, hung for a minute on his car’s side window, dangled, then finally allowed himself to fall into the flower patch.

then he ran.

ryan told me he thought about running after him but his girlfriend said, “no baby. don’t leave me here.”

so ryan pulled out his Chinese star from his front pocket,

calculated the wind,

and right before he let it fly, the police tackled the dude.

“RYAN!” his girlfriend said, “i thought we had agreed you weren’t going to carry that around any more.”

he blushed.

oh yeah. he said, smiling.

happy mlk day

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this is a picture of MLK

and his daughter Yolanda

in their backyard.

One of my favorite baseball players was Hank Aaron​ who in his book “I Had a Hammer”

wrote that when he was a teenager he never dreamt of playing in the Major Leagues

because at that time Blacks were not allowed to play.

Hank is still alive

and a member of the MLB Hall of Fame.

Which shows you how quickly

beautiful dreams

you didn’t even know you had,

can come true.

imagine the things today’s teenagers

can’t even conceive themselves achieving today

due to a plethora of man-made rules

rooted in bizarre and old school reasons

like race or sex or religion.

And then think how much better life will be

when we destroy those artificial boundaries that hold tomorrow’s heroes back

like they’re held back today.

today is ashleys birthday, shes omg how old?

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was she the first person i ever met from the internet?

i think so.

life is such a weird and wonderful thing that i dont know what advice id have for my kids if i had them.

i would say try thing, pray a lot, and learn how to judge people by their hearts.

we can get distracted a lot by how pretty some people are, or how fancy their cars are, or how well they speak foreign languages

but one thing they teach you in little league football is “if youre trying to tackle someone, aim at their belly button, dont get faked out by their arms or head or eyes.”

ashley and i chatted a lot on the now ancient AOL instant messenger and the good thing about that is you can learn a lot about someone simply by their words. hours and hours of words.

to me thats the same as looking into their hearts, which is why i think people fall in love with writers and authors and poets and songwriters. words are the highways to the soul. and on a thing like AIM it’s hard to fake. nowadays everyone has text messages or snapchats and you could show a picture of your infinity pool or your sixpack and if your emoji game is on point who knows what nonsense you can make others believe you are all about.

but words on a blank screen, live, while you’re living, that’s pretty much you.

and so when we met it was, oh yes, hi, oh your accent is funny. oh your eyes are that blue.

oh you really do wear a cubs hat everywhere.

ashley is pretty active on the social medias and its nice to see her be such a great mom to her little angel. it’s so nice to see that her family and extended family are just as close and happy as they seemed to be decades ago. it makes me happy because it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person. and today i hope she has a great birthday.