end of the year not so blues

i worked all night. why because im a procrastinator.

what i did was good.

how i feel is bad.

what will motivate me next year?

love? success? fear? hope?

i wanna be better. i wanna do cooler things.

i wanna show the haters… actually i dont care about them.

i only care about the Lord and my ma.

fuck the haters.

interviewed these kids who go to Glendale High.

i asked them who their mascot was.

they said they are the Dynomites or the Dynos

I was all, what the hell is that.

they said this guy dresses up like a stick of dynomite.

i was all, get outta town

they were all, no seriously.

got home, Googled it

and thats the greatest thing ive ever seen.

have i told you that im going to go to every neighborhood in LA and talk to all the people and learn stuff?

look at me learning shit.

saw uncut gems last night

it was incredible.

top three movies i saw in 2019

the black godfather
uncut gems

i dont know why but shazam really got me.

but all i thought about today was uncut gems.

it was classic college of creative studies: be truthful, create likable characters, put them through the wringer, see what happens

amber hated it. half america hates it. but almost all the critics love it.

as you can see from the high ranking i gave shazam, one would think that i usually side with the audience, that may be true. who knows. i thought parasite was overrated.

and once upon a time in hollywood.

weirder crazier shit has gone down in hollywood and there is no need to make any of it up.

weirder shit goes down on my block.

i also loved booksmart, longshot, joker and aladdin.

i went to 40 movies this year. next year i wanna make it 52.

trying to figure out how to see 1917 tomorrow.


sometimes she wants to go on a drive so we take a little drive

theres been some girls who ive had a spiritual closeness with

some who could do it all with a kiss

one who was rich, some who were poor, three who loved to fight

one who hated me touching her, and one who hated me not touching her.

but one thing almost all of them loved doing was going for a little road trip.

drive she said.

she requested neptunes net but i wanted to head east old man


took sunset to caesar chavez through east LA. she said she wanted chinese. theres chinese over there but you get tempted by all these other delights.

even two tacos from jack in the box will get me to pull over since they’re only about a buck and a quarter.

but we kept going. slowly. happily.

the sun was out, the mountains way back in the distance were snow capped.

there were some clouds up there for decoration.

after a while we approached the prettiest soup plantation and i was all wanna

but she wanted chinese. good for her.

wound up at some dim sum spot that seemed legit. clean. big. easy parking.

went in and well attended for the late hour. a family at a big round table over there

an older asian couple on a fourtop.

a nice little table was empty over in a corner

how about over there we asked the young lady?

oh nooo tooo small.

manager came over in a suit. have a seat here, he said pointing at a big table close to the register and the front door. clearly they wanted passers by to see a famous blogger was dining with them.

but it was cold there. and way too close to the tv that was showing childrens programming.

how about over there? i asked him.

oh nooo so smallllll he said and we sat down.

menu came out and she was not impressed. im not feeling this place, she said. then lets leave i said, i dont owe nobody nothing. but shes polite. we muscled through.

soon another lady came by. spoke zero english. maybe 10 people working on the floor i dont think any of them could tell us what was on the menu

fine with me.

ive been watching these youtube guys who travel the world and no one understand anyone.

did any of those girls understand me?

but sometimes you just point and pray.

what came out were the most delicious shrimp steamed in a dumpling.

vegetarian fried rice that was moist and tasty with slivers of egg that didnt seem like any eggs ive been eating

bok choy, and i dont eat a lot of vegetables, but these tasted like something else entirely, chicken maybe.

taquitos with shrimp, basically

and these tiny little pot pies that squirted when you bit in,

so it’s best to just let them explode in your mouth.

some girls get riled up after a surprisingly great chinese meal way out east

other girls say omg lets stop at starbucks

yesterday they ran a list of things i loved in 2019

but i wanted to keep that list short

here are some other things ive loved

tube socks

silver lake ramen


the clippers’ off season moves

the black godfather


jabs family

emma chamberlain

my internet download speeds


al michaels

social media

clearance priced three ring binders at staples

jack in the box tacos


ambers workplace benefits




being able to talk to smart people and ask them all the hardest questions in the world

youre gonna be criticized in life

people arent going to understand you

and it doesnt matter how well youve done in the past

or how well youre doing in the present

jesus walked across water

and days later his bffs asked

when can you show us the father

some people dont like the doors

some people dont like pink floyd

some people say trump did nothing wrong

some people move away from LA and California and never come back

they hate it.

so of course, you, suburbs boy, old bald man, super boring dresser, something less than lesser

is going to run into a few people who do not understand all the crazy ass thinking that you do or have done or have written or have said, and they wont even if you do the magic trick right in front of them over and over and over again.

it is not their fault. it is not your fault. it is no ones fault.

no matter what you do or say there will be people who just dont get Pinkerton

just love them.

cuz theres shit you’ll never get too.

we are all in this dark jungle, feeling our way around it

looking for light.

listening to clues.

but we are in this together, for a reason, it’s part of the plan.

there are no desert islands with a sole palm tree

and an endless supply of coronas.

we have each other and we are not clones.

we are meant to be like this.

was at a party tonight and a famous writer asked me

“when did you stop your blog? 4-5 years ago?”

when i told her, embarrassingly, actually i’ve never stopped, in fact this year ive written 150 or so blog posts.

little did i know i am just a few away from 200.

so what should i do? should i link to these incredible posts more on Facebook and Twitter?


the problem i have is this. i get paid by very sweet people to write for their sites.

and i spend the majority of brainpower trying to figure out how to make them more popular.

should i really hype this old and obviously forgotten URL too?

maybe it means that i dont write anything good over here. that could be true. and lord knows i don’t tell all my secrets or write about being a wild bachelor. and because i like my job i dont complain or do weird things or yell at people or all the things that made this thing killer back in the day.

we are so not in the day any more.

remember the day?

id write on here 3-4 times a day. i had no life. i was trying so hard.

should i try harder? i should try harder.

i should also be pansexual. but what a dumb name that is.

bad enough being a Cub fan. Pansexual sound like we cosplay with Peter Pan characters.

(stay away from Mr. Hook.)

whats interesting with the blogosphere being dead is, back in the day i wanted this to be about politics and dating. but when everyone and their brothers started writing about politics i laid off of that a little and just let welch and layne and all the others write politics.

the other day i felt bad for matt because i saw all the replies in some tweet he wrote and they were all so dumb. imagine anything you write gets like the lamest replies.

it’d be like being a farmer and all your crops were sunflowers.

two three sunflowers are fine, but can you imagine a whole field of them. just how tedious and bland that would feel like after a while.

itd make you start hating sunflowers.

i’ll never hate blogging.

or you, dear busblog.

it’s ok no one knows youre alive.

we can be weirder then

this has not been a great year for the republicans

that wall they swore they’d build aint gotten anywhere near built

they haven’t been able to take health insurance away from as many people as they wanted

almost all of them now seem either in bed with the russians or putin’s bitches

they have to lie and lie and lie to get out of the corner theyve painted themselves into

they’re losing on the impeachment, they’re losing governors and state houses

even Fox News criticizes them every now and then when they least expect it

but what’s worse is they’ve had the executive branch, the senate, the courts

and they’ve done nothing because they don’t want to work with the house

imagine that, they’d rather have zero accomplishments than some

because they just don’t want to give in on Anything

for the betterment of the country.

bless their hearts.

found myself in a sauna tonight

i felt like i was catching a cold or a flu and someone said go take a shvitz

so i did!

and while i was there, bored to death, cuz i was alone, without a phone, nothing to read,

i started praying.

God please bless mom and angie and her kids and amber and the cubs and and and and

soon that was over so i just watched the sweat happen.

and to be honest with you, recently i have had a little challenge to my religious beliefs

but there in the sauna i started thinking about sweating and how incredible it is

almost by magic the body says, whoops, that fool is overheating,

hey water that’s inside the body, lets get some of you to the surface of the body

so it will cool it off.

i mean, how genius is that?

its impossible for me to believe that there was a gaseous explosion somewhere in space

and all of a sudden there were humans WITH SWEAT GLANDS just incase we start overheating.

not only was that created by a higher intelligence, but by a super intelligent being

the engineering of the body is, to me, the biggest tell of a divine creator.

then i took a long long shower, shaved, came back to amber and told her God exists

and she said oh cool.

almost bleu

she was like, wanna?
i was all, you wanna?
i go, but the cats.
she’s like, cousin will crash here.
i’m all, do they have robes there?
uh huh
how much?
no for the whole thing.
i said negativland said free is the most
powerful word
in the world.
she told them it was my birthday
so there was a slice