My predictions for the rest of this month

– Everything will be cancelled

– Hotels will slash prices for locals

– Congress will shut down

– Amazon will send lucky Prime members free TP and hand sanitizers when they order Amazon products

– Mike Pence will resign after Trump disputes the numbers coming from actual official sources

– Rage Against The Machine will do a free show at the Coliseum where Kaiser will administer free testing of the coronavirus sponsored by Corona

– Bernie surges in the primaries after getting on CNN yelling NOW WHO IS LAUGHING AT UNIVERSAL MEDICAL CARE?

– Rand Paul becomes the second senator to quarantine himself

– Mexico closes its borders to the US

– Led Zeppelin reunites

– Weed becomes legal nationally

– No federal judges are approved

– Canada sends boats of meds to Washington state

– U2 plays an unforgettable concert in the empty Coachella polo grounds that’s broadcast live to the world which raises money for the DNC to dethrone Trump who has bungled this medical emergency

– Netflix offers a month free because everyone is home, scared to go out to the movie theaters

– Streaking returns

– Nobody pays attention to any of the Kardashians until one of them gets the sniffles in a very special episode