mike pence doesnt wanna wear a mask

because he wants to look people in the eye.

i can see that.

i can see everything.

i can see why people disagree with me or misunderstand me or want to slow my roll.

hell, i slow my roll nearly every damn day. im slowing it right now.

im a bit nervous about what my roll might look like if it wasn’t slowed down.

when i was little my roll was outta control. i ran fast, i walked and talked fast. i thought fast. people thought i was hyper.

deep into my college years someone gave me incredible weed and my roll slowed almost to a stop and i was all omg.

im not sure i liked it better, but to be honest i think i was less annoying to others. which is good. im still annoying. i’ll be annoying when i die. and after. and for years to come.

not my fault.

and thats why i wear a mask.

this dream will fade

yes I realize it’s 419am

I have now interviewed a model, a cam girl, and another

they were all so nice. so sweet.

was that their game face? are they that happy? Maybe?

I’m mostly happy but there are moments.

It’s funny. Some girls I’d date and I’d think they’d be great but they’d probably try to force me to be more this or that.

But then I realize I do that to ppl.

I’m a terrible hypocrite. Which is why I try to clamp it down whenever possible.

Stick to the Bible. Love your neighbors. Do unto others.

Be cool.

Maybe my favorite is give to the beggars.

You won’t ever go poor doing that in fact it makes me feel great. And for some reason it surprises them. Maybe bc I dress so badly?

Other day we gave a bunch of shrimp to a guy buy a Denny’s off ramp. That was great. Imagine you’re hungry then suddenly out a car is a guy saying like shrimp? And handing you all this peeled cold cocktail shrimp and that sauce?

I truly think God is with you when that happens and that’s why you feel good. That right there is the Holy Spirit.

He just loves that nice part.

beach day

amber wanted to get out of the house

but I wanted to see what Ventura beach was all about

so we drove up there and right around Calabasas my oil light goes on

I’m leaking oil it appears

So I say let’s go to that Kanan Dune Albertsons

The place is huge. Surely they have motor oil.

And fortunately they had synthetic oil, on sale, for my ass.

Somehow we also picked up $81 of other things

Saw a family with four little boys. Everyone had a popsicle.

Perfect idea I told the dad.

When we got to the beach I interviewed two life guards and a dude who runs the motel that looks over the beach.

Like it’s Right There. Sand up against the wall.

$150. Small. Good bathrooms. Old. Not super clean. Incredible views. $99 mid week.

If someone wanted to pay a writer to write a book, that’d be the spot they should rent him for a summer to write it.

weirdest disaster ever

dear people in the future. how did you get there?

we have a leader who is super dooper exclamation mark the wrong guy to be flying this plane.

it’s like he seeks out mountains to crash into.

but whats crazy is the mountains lean over at the best moments and dodge him

you wouldnt even believe what he talked about this week, or tweeted, or ESPed.

he huffs and puffs and gets so angry and then does cowardly things.

you wonder if it’s cuz hes old or because he has been “rich” for so long

and people, even journalists, will give you a pass sometimes if you are a “billionaire”

so suddenly all these people are asking hard questions.

like, “what did you mean when you said what you said yesterday?”

or even harder questions like, “when did you last speak with the North Koreans?”

this dude straight up said, on tv, in a press conference, in 2020 America

“i’m not going to tell you.”

which isn’t really comforting.

im not even sure it’s legal.

anyway, i hope you can read this bc it means he hasn’t blowed up the joint.


just a little

Today Amber and I were walking home and we passed our local, cool, homeless man. This guy has been in my hood for 15 years or so. Probably longer. I gave him my winter coat this winter and I swear the Lord rewarded me with an increased ability to read minds. Not that I needed it.

As we approached him we saw two nurses from one of the hospitals hand him some bags of their left over lunch. When we passed him I asked how he was doing.

It was 6:30pm-ish, he was setting up his sleeping bag and luggage so he could go to sleep on the sidewalk in front of this apartment building. The sun was still up and shining on him. He was sweating. He said he was fine. I asked if there was anything he needed.

Usually he tells me no. But this time he said he could use some water. I figured I’d walk a few blocks home, get him some bottles, drive over, drop them off and drive back. But Amber said, lets just walk backwards a few blocks to a liquor store and hook him up.

JUST A LITTLE ONE he yelled. OK I yelled back, admiring his reverse psychology. Or was he being serious? Only the angels know.

Got to the liquor store. One of those tiny Mexican ones. Not sure if there was any liquor in there, tbh, because i’m basically straight edge since my girl is.

Got a nice jug of Crystal Geyser with a handle. And as I was about to pay the nice man with a mask, I was all, “look at all that TP. What are you a millionaire?”

Dude laughed. No seriously where did you get all that?

He said, Mexico. Tijuana.

I was like, is it terrible? He said, no my friend, it’s toilet paper.

And then I asked if I could take a picture and he said sure.

how i procrastinate, even on sundays when i should be resting?

let me count the ways:

i read facebook, twitter, instagram

i think of good things to post on facebook, twitter and instagram.

when i run out of those things i think about blogging.

today i need to transcribe an interview, an hour long whopper where every question and answer was perfect because the subject is a veteran journalist and im a long time wanna be.

i want it to be good and tomorrow im gonna be super busy because it’s 4/20 and i have to write the news, be part of a Zoom meeting, and hopefully write the story that im gonna be transcribing all night.

then i have to socialize the news and the 4/20 story

then i have to take the pretty girl to the pharmacy to get her insulin and then i have to go to the Valley because

Ginos East, my favorite pizza place, is making pizzas for $4.20.

its all a trick, you gotta buy a big one for regular price to get the little cheese one for $4.20

so i was thinking about buying the pizza for some nurses and eating the cheese myself.

thats something my momma taught me to do way back during the pandemic of 1918

which for some reason trump thinks happened in 1917.

maybe because that movie was so good.

as are you.

as is this weather.

as is the chicago bulls documentary which has me motivated to be the best i can be.

dear children of the future

here we are now in the fourth or fifth week of

shelter in place.

youre not really supposed to go outside.

when you do you should wear a mask.

you shouldnt touch anything and when you do you should wash your hands

amber and i go to in n out about once or twice a week

its our big splurge.

my computer is dying which is sad because im one of half of the americans who still has a job and i earn my living from writing on a computer

so i bought a new macbook, air, which should arrive any day now.

it was scary to take that much of a financial investment but i look at it like this, if i was a guitar player id buy a Gibson SG and a nice marshall amp and that would set me back some.

then the other day the government direct deposited pretty much what the computer cost, so im just gonna put that money on the card and we’ll call it even.

now listen future children. politics and one or two right wing networks have planted the seeds of doubt into our fellow country men and women and they dont wanna sit inside any more to stop the spread of this virus.

they want to go back to work and school and doing all the things they were doing before this crazy thing happened

the silent killer i like to call it.

so these last few days theyve gotten outta their houses, climbed into their pickup trucks and what have you and theyve gathered with signs and flags and raised their fists in protest. which is what america is about.

but the weird thing is, they’re protesting science, not politics.

theres not one expert scientist or doctor who recommends leaving the house and getting too close to other people.

and these folks say well what about california, the governor said half of the citizens would get sick, they havent gotten sick which means this is all a hoax

a commie hoax

when they should be saying, well lookit that, staying at home, chilling out, getting money in the mail is actually working

doing nothing does something, fucking a.

it’s almost like theyre mad that it’s working.

damn you hippie science.

damn you nancy pelosi.

and future children,

thats why there aint no more GOP


right now im waiting for something

and i do not like it

youd think Cub fans would be the best people in the world at waiting for things but no, i can be extremely impatient

and impulsive

and, quite frankly, extremely rude and unconscious.

this hunkering down has shown me that i can just reel off one insult after another at the pretty mostly naked girl in my house and not even realize it

the very same girl who has been cooking and cleaning and remodeling the bachelor pad that i have put my imprint on for nearly two decades.

the sweet soul that i promised to never do anything bad to because the World had been so cruel to her over time, but there i am, firing lasers at her weak spots, unknowingly, because if you give a man a hammer the whole world seems like cockroaches

today was a trying day. most of these are. people dying people getting sick people getting scared of things.

today the richest man in town shuttered three local newspapers just days after laying 40 others off.

how can you do that? what goes through your mind?

this is not the way of the jedi. this is not the way i would do it. this is not why you have been blessed with treasures upon treasures upon treasures.

i did a training in one of those newsrooms many moons ago. it was tiny. sooo tiny. even then. so now it must have been like 4-5 people. how do you do that?

before that i was driving around manhattan beach because i heard it was open. but i was interviewing these weed people and i wasnt sure if my technology was capturing their words. i rely so much on the grace of God.

and thank heaven He came through.

do the rich believe in the Lord? when you get so wealthy do you think you had something to do with it that nobody else could figure out?

i have so many questions but the thing i was impatient about finished way quicker than i expected.

i should kiss the girl now.

heres the thing about newspaper owning billionaires

youre not allowed to criticize them

even if they keep sending their employees to the unemployment lines

or the retirement homes.

youre not allowed to count their money or question what they do with the paper

because everyone knows that newspapers in 2020 are money losing ventures

first it was craigslist, then monster.com, then facebook, the ways newspaper revenues dried up were death by a million cuts.

even though over there are over 2,000 billionaires, only a few of them have any interest in the news biz, and so you arent allowed to criticize those who do because omg what if they all say

fuck this shit.

but heres the thing about billionaires, and please correct me if i am wrong.

in order to achieve that title, you can’t really give a whole bunch of it away in annoying ways like salaries and health insurance and matching 401ks.

im sure there was a bit of a twinge today when the richest man in LA signed the paperwork that sent 40 people into the worst day of their life: suddenly unemployed in the middle of a pandemic

and clearly theres not just a mountain of dollar bills in his basement, six billion strong.

but come on.

come the fuck on.

how is this not heartless, selfish, fucking shitty behavior

the type that the best newspaper west of manhattan would call out if it was being done by any other billionaire in town.

ive seen them do it.

emptiness is next to Godliness

Today more people died in LA than any other day of this pandemic. Easter. The day Trump targeted as being the day the country would see packed churches and a nation “rarin to go.”

My church was not open, but it did stream its services live on YouTube and the minister said something interesting about all of the empty churches, roads, parks and stores.

She said, on this day over 2,000 years ago something else was empty, and it was great.

Likewise it’s wonderful that we are shutting things down, and sacrificing as one, and doing everything we can to love and protect each other.

Emptiness is not always a negative. In some cases it’s the goal.

Despite the fact that UCSB solidified my love of the Bible and Christianity, it was also the place where I took a Zen Buddhism class that I never forgot.

There I learned that in Zen, you strive to have an empty mind, an empty spirit, no agenda, and zero expectations. Because when you can reach that place, even for a moment – then magic can happen thanks to your openness.

The blank slate. The empty page. The fresh new canvas. All of these may bring about anxiety with fears that we can’t fill them with interesting art. But every masterpiece starts with nothing.

Then a spark.

Then the work.

To honor those whose mortal journeys ended today and in the past weeks, I say we first acknowledge – and not gloss over – their passing.

And then we create with the energy that we know we have. All the strength we’ve saved for a rainy day.

We will not have days like these again, God willing.

Make good use of them. Even if all you do is clear out everything while trying to achieve the impossibility of nothingness.