yes I realize it’s 419am

I have now interviewed a model, a cam girl, and another

they were all so nice. so sweet.

was that their game face? are they that happy? Maybe?

I’m mostly happy but there are moments.

It’s funny. Some girls I’d date and I’d think they’d be great but they’d probably try to force me to be more this or that.

But then I realize I do that to ppl.

I’m a terrible hypocrite. Which is why I try to clamp it down whenever possible.

Stick to the Bible. Love your neighbors. Do unto others.

Be cool.

Maybe my favorite is give to the beggars.

You won’t ever go poor doing that in fact it makes me feel great. And for some reason it surprises them. Maybe bc I dress so badly?

Other day we gave a bunch of shrimp to a guy buy a Denny’s off ramp. That was great. Imagine you’re hungry then suddenly out a car is a guy saying like shrimp? And handing you all this peeled cold cocktail shrimp and that sauce?

I truly think God is with you when that happens and that’s why you feel good. That right there is the Holy Spirit.

He just loves that nice part.

amber wanted to get out of the house

but I wanted to see what Ventura beach was all about

so we drove up there and right around Calabasas my oil light goes on

I’m leaking oil it appears

So I say let’s go to that Kanan Dune Albertsons

The place is huge. Surely they have motor oil.

And fortunately they had synthetic oil, on sale, for my ass.

Somehow we also picked up $81 of other things

Saw a family with four little boys. Everyone had a popsicle.

Perfect idea I told the dad.

When we got to the beach I interviewed two life guards and a dude who runs the motel that looks over the beach.

Like it’s Right There. Sand up against the wall.

$150. Small. Good bathrooms. Old. Not super clean. Incredible views. $99 mid week.

If someone wanted to pay a writer to write a book, that’d be the spot they should rent him for a summer to write it.

Today Amber and I were walking home and we passed our local, cool, homeless man. This guy has been in my hood for 15 years or so. Probably longer. I gave him my winter coat this winter and I swear the Lord rewarded me with an increased ability to read minds. Not that I needed it.

As we approached him we saw two nurses from one of the hospitals hand him some bags of their left over lunch. When we passed him I asked how he was doing.

It was 6:30pm-ish, he was setting up his sleeping bag and luggage so he could go to sleep on the sidewalk in front of this apartment building. The sun was still up and shining on him. He was sweating. He said he was fine. I asked if there was anything he needed.

Usually he tells me no. But this time he said he could use some water. I figured I’d walk a few blocks home, get him some bottles, drive over, drop them off and drive back. But Amber said, lets just walk backwards a few blocks to a liquor store and hook him up.

JUST A LITTLE ONE he yelled. OK I yelled back, admiring his reverse psychology. Or was he being serious? Only the angels know.

Got to the liquor store. One of those tiny Mexican ones. Not sure if there was any liquor in there, tbh, because i’m basically straight edge since my girl is.

Got a nice jug of Crystal Geyser with a handle. And as I was about to pay the nice man with a mask, I was all, “look at all that TP. What are you a millionaire?”

Dude laughed. No seriously where did you get all that?

He said, Mexico. Tijuana.

I was like, is it terrible? He said, no my friend, it’s toilet paper.

And then I asked if I could take a picture and he said sure.

Today more people died in LA than any other day of this pandemic. Easter. The day Trump targeted as being the day the country would see packed churches and a nation “rarin to go.”

My church was not open, but it did stream its services live on YouTube and the minister said something interesting about all of the empty churches, roads, parks and stores.

She said, on this day over 2,000 years ago something else was empty, and it was great.

Likewise it’s wonderful that we are shutting things down, and sacrificing as one, and doing everything we can to love and protect each other.

Emptiness is not always a negative. In some cases it’s the goal.

Despite the fact that UCSB solidified my love of the Bible and Christianity, it was also the place where I took a Zen Buddhism class that I never forgot.

There I learned that in Zen, you strive to have an empty mind, an empty spirit, no agenda, and zero expectations. Because when you can reach that place, even for a moment – then magic can happen thanks to your openness.

The blank slate. The empty page. The fresh new canvas. All of these may bring about anxiety with fears that we can’t fill them with interesting art. But every masterpiece starts with nothing.

Then a spark.

Then the work.

To honor those whose mortal journeys ended today and in the past weeks, I say we first acknowledge – and not gloss over – their passing.

And then we create with the energy that we know we have. All the strength we’ve saved for a rainy day.

We will not have days like these again, God willing.

Make good use of them. Even if all you do is clear out everything while trying to achieve the impossibility of nothingness.