what you do is you keep your cup of beer after you drink it and stack the empties as the game goes on.

eventually you might have this long snake of cups at the end of the game if you… have a close relationship with drinking.

so shout out to the Cubs social media dept for this Elf on the Shelf tribute to bleacher bums.

of which i am one. even though two old styles is all i need out there.

amber and i have the most interesting relationship. many people probably think that it revolves around my hot bod and fancy clothes.

while that may have been true at the beginning, her home cooking has been responsible for me gaining a few but she doesnt mind. far as i can tell.

but because she doesnt drink, i stopped drinking too. not that it was ever that big of a part of my life but ive maybe had four beers all year? it almost seems impossible for a man who loves Isla Vista, Hollywood and the Bleachers so much.

i hear some say that they are happy that UCSB isn’t really a party school any more. but i would disagree. i think it’s good to discover your tolerance at that age. i think it’s great to see that The Guy who can drink the most isn’t really the achievement we think it is as we’re doing that beer bong.

although i gotta say, when i was driving Uber and this Korean CEO told me that heavy drinking is part of the biz culture there, it was a little shocking.

like logically what does it prove if the CEO of Hyundai can drink a giant pitcher of a gross assortment of spirits? and how is it disgraceful if the CEO of Samsung can’t? am i really that much of a hippy dip idealist that all i care about are the quality of the crap and its price?

tell me a good story.

tell me about the hardest you ever fell in love.

blow my mind with some truism you got from a fortune cookie.

i went to a college where they were snorting ether off dirty rags and then playing Defender and Ms Pacman side by side and switching machines after each time they died. who cares how much Jager you can pound.

tell me something cool.

she me something beautiful.

sing me a song on a broken piano in the back where the kegs are.

drinking is fine, but it’s the set up, not the tale.