i got the shot

when i called my mom she said YOU GOT SHOT?


it was not a long wait. i wrote about it for my medium blog.

i met a bunch of people because i was in the best mood and we were all stuck together.

and when it was over, on my way to my car, i nearly cried out of sudden relief

all of this had built up in me.

probably in you too.

all of this angst and fear OF DEATH and this fucked up invisible hatchet man who seemed to arrive in people’s lungs with no rhyme nor reason

we see all these jackholes vacationing and partying and running around with no mask

and for all we can tell they dont get sick.

then you hear about this one or that one who “did everything right” and either they get it and die or get it and feel so lucky not to die.

i got a burrito at Tacos Arizas got home and soon became very sleepy and passed out in my robe.

was it relief? was it the drug? was it the angels saying go have super weird dreams as lana del rey goes through an hour of material?


lil nas x partnered with a company that made a Satan Shoe

the company bought 666 pairs of Nikes, added some words and colors to it

put a drop of human blood in the sole

and called it the Lil Nas X Satan Shoe.

Nike is suing, which I can’t understand, because you can bedazzle a pair of jeans and sell them on ebay

you can customize a Vette and sell it for more

why can’t you do that to a dumb pair of shoes?

this woman on Twitter broke the lawsuit down beautifully:

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ist 326am and im procrastinating for some reason

i thought i had kicked this last week but here it is.

i was off to a good start yesterday but it was 80 degrees so i took a walk and kept walking because LA is fantastic.

ate two tacos: shrimp, fish.

drank an orange crush because im 9.

kept walking then was involved in a high level business call that included the words, “offer letter”

i said dont rush on that. hes such a nice person i dont know if the ideas im giving him are as good as he’s reactions are or if he’s just nice.

but we talked for two hours, which is an hour less than last time and he lives near zulieka so if i get the job maybe i can share a grilled cheese with her.

then it was time for dinner.

the other night i poured a can of minestrone in a pot and added beyond beef sausage, avocados and peas. by some miracle there was leftovers. dinner.

then moxie called with a lot of questions including the dreaded word: podcast.

that thing could either make me a million or ruin my life entirely.

a six year podcast. who wants that? i dont even have the attention span to watch an entire music video without going for my phone. how am i going to be committed to a 6 year project?

the only way i can even fathom it is by convincing myself that after a year it will have become so popular that people will be throwing themselves at me to tell me what to do next and heres a whole lotta money to do it.

i really need a microphone.

dont tell anyone but i might be getting a job soon

and like all the other jobs i shoulda already got,

it is idealistic and needed, creative and inspiring

and if everything goes right i’ll be able to do it from whereever i want, which includes the tropical island of maui

or tokyo

or jamaica

or for a month or so, wrigleyville, illinois

maya rudolph was the host of snl on saturday

and they did this nice thing as a tribute to her mom, minnie riperton.

they posed her in these images based on her mom’s albums.

minnie’s mom, like jeanine’s died at 31 of breast cancer.

i talk to my mom all the time and i dont know what i would do without her.

just today she sent me a photo of a box of baseball cards from a department store

and luckily i was near the phone when it dinged

do you want these? she asked.

and indeed i did!

my mom told me that because the world is upside down right now she forgot that easter is next sunday and therefore her annual easter basket will not arrive on time.

but i must say it’s ok.

ironically, minus amber, my house is filled with food, in part because i have little appetite.

everythings crazy. everything.

something crazy happened just today.

i was on facebook, because im addicted. and someone said

if you are 50 or over they just opened the floodgates and if you get on it you can get an appointment to get your vaccination shot in the next few days.

and sure enough i got one for tuesday.

which means on wednesday imma

do exactly what i do now

stay up late

wake up at noon

think up crazy ideas that might be crazy enough to work

read everything that twitter can feed me

try not to pick fights with strangers

and then smoke weed around 2am in hopes of getting to sleep by 4.

what have i been eating? glad you asked.

theres been wild sales on campbell soup lately. like $1.50 a can.

i’ll put one of those cans in a pot

then i’ll add a bunch of peas or carrots or broccoli because george bush didn’t like em.

then i’ll toss in some pasta or rice.

basically beef it all up real good.

then when its almost done i’ll top it with some shredded cheese which melts real good

then i’ll grab an avocado and put that on top.

i do the dishes about every 3-4 days.

cooking cleaning and helping peoples dreams come true.

because ive got obamacare, im gonna get a therapist

apparently thats what youre supposed to do. talk to someone about your problems.

but i was raised at a time and place where you just fix your problems

and even if you have a great support system around you and legal weed

you shouldn’t really ask for help even if you need it.

also, a lot of time i dont know what help i need other than stop being lazy.

i have blogged here, on medium, and for this company that pays me to do it occasionally

but i know how much im capable of and i know how little i do.

ppl are like, dude you do a lot.

but thats in comparison to others.

never compare yrself to others.

so if i had a therapist i would ask her why my first crush was a tomboy who ended up being a lesbian?

is this why a lot of tween girls love boy bands and kpop dudes?

and i swear if i get a therapist whose all, well what do you think? im gonna fire her because i want a conversation. i want a real one. no holds barred. no ones feelings get hurt. no one needs to worry, just talk.

pretty sure jodie foster was the first picture of a girl i ever put on my wall.

she is still someone id be super nervous to meet if i ever got the chance.

she is a scorpio.

had some very nice conversations this week

and took some long walks.

and did a lot of work.

and found some money. lets talk about that.

last month i hit rock bottom because i wasnt getting any unemployment, all of my little jobs had dried up, all the places i was TOTALLY FUCKING QUALIFIED FOR LIKE OMG told me to fuck off and die, and i hadn’t even gotten my stimulus check #2 which was supposed to come in January.

the walls had closed in, i sent an SOS to the world and the world said here you go

and for that i will be forever grateful.

for a year for some reason the apartment above me has been vacant. it needs a lot of renovations and maybe the owner of this joint didnt have the cash, but youd have thought PPP loans or what have you, or the fact that all of us pay on time, and that they have lots of buildings would mean they’d have had the cash to fix it up and start renting it again But Nope.

and it’s fine. who needs someone clomping around upstairs on hardwood being loud when im down here crying in my mexicokes?

earlier this week i was awakened with loud terrible noises. the workers had returned and were pulling up everything, bashing in things. the cats scurried under the couch and my beauty sleep was interrupted for a good half hour until i said dude i lived in Isla Vista for four years, ya gonna have to do better than that.

when i woke up again i went out to get the paper and noticed that they had gathered a years worth of the junk mail that had accumulated on her side of the mail slot… and placed it in my ficus plant so they could have room to demolish shit.

my little eye spied my name. or something like it.

it said Anthony III

and it had the wrong address on it.

then I saw another letter like that too.

junk mail over the years has gotten better and better at tricking you into opening it. sometimes it will look like a check. sometimes it will feel like a credit card

but when i opened this up IT WAS A DEBIT CARD

in fact it was the Stimmy from January that I couldn’t hunt down via the IRS website because for some reason Trump thought my name was Anthony III

like George the Third or some shit.

And for months $600 was literally feet away from me. just laying there. saying tony save me. tony my love. my sweet bald fat man. im right here.

and how crazy that these workers didnt just throw it all away? they know she hasnt lived there for a year. but they did the right thing: they tossed it into my fauna.

they released the cashen.

and today when i went to the taco truck and splurged on a $7 burrito with extra cheese and sour cream, i handed her the plastic and she said

cash only senior.

and i laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.

the drummer of lone justice died today

in 1985 i was too young to get into the Long Beach club Bogarts where Lone Justice was to play on a particular Friday night.

i was working at a record store in West LA because my life has been blessed in many ways.

one of those blessings was one Willie Aron who advised me to just come really early and help the band in with their equipment and they could call me a roadie.

the only catch is i would have to hang out in the club all night and wait for them to come on.

time flew. as it does with a 19 year old at a rock club in the mid 1980s when rock had not yet died and still had a good 20 years left in the tank.

the band was soulful and powerful and the singer was mesmerizing and the entire night was worth all of it.

today every single mention of the band’s drummer Don Heffington was beautiful and positive.

heres some of what the singer of the band, maria wrote

He was not only a legendary drummer (Tom Waits, Bob Dylan, Lowell George, Van Dyke Parks, Victoria Williams, Lucinda Williams, Emmylou Harris) but a fascinating guy with a unique mind and sense of humor and a beautiful heart full of pure love. His solo projects were next level high lonesome perfection. He was a beloved Dad and Grandpa and the only original member of Lone Justice I never had any drama with. Which is meaningful. I love you so, so much Heff. Remember when we saw the Velvet Underground in Berlin? Best night ever.

i used to think, i better do something kickass before i die so everyone can talk about that when theyre about to bury me

but now i strive to be remembered the way Don Heffington is being known for tonight: being nice.

i finished my thing about Coke today

and now im having a rabbi look it over and give me his blessing.

i could write about coke and religion all day.

in fact i did for two weeks and it was fascinating and heartbreaking and frustrating.

true story: last night i was getting sleepy and went to the fridge to get a Mexicoke. upon realizing i was out, i thought of ways to get one in the wee hours.

if the grocery store was closed perhaps get overcharged at a 7-11?

since i dont drink coffee, it’s pretty much the only way i stay awake.

then i realized i have like 3, 2-liter bottles of kosher coke, which is what my story is about.

they are warm but i dont care. i opened one up, poured myself a cup in one of ambers many unused coffee cups.

and it did the trick.

i am really hoping this story will do well tomorrow. i even asked my old boss if he would give it a good headline.

broke out of my writers block because of Rob

he was all, what are you writing? i said this thing about kosher food.

he said im a jew!

i said get outta dodge

he said already did and im still a jew.

i was all perfect.

then he said the magic words. he said i look forward to reading what you have to write about my people

i said you would?

and thats it. because i finally had someone to write to, i was back on track.

the big problem is, in order to not give a shit what people think, i often convince myself that absolutely no one is going to read it.

and sometimes im too good at convincing myself that, so my brain is like, whats the use of writing this thing if no ones gonna read it?

so now imma write it for rob, a solid man, a long time friend who ive known since he was a teenager.

i even went to his wedding.

theres a lot of asian hate going on rn and i dont get it

and i dont even know what to do about it.

Sass is getting mad on her social media that “allies” aren’t speaking out, but i dont know how i can help the cause. but i want to.

so i will tell you about the first asian girl i ever fell in love with.

her name was Ae and we met in Switzerland.

a girl i met on a bus in Iowa, Risë, and I had become pen pals. She did a year abroad and invited me to visit her. i was just about to turn 21 and had nothing better to do so i said hell yes. this was so long ago they didnt even have color film.

as soon as i met Ae, Rise’s roommate, it was love at first sight. she was so smart and so sarcastic and funny and because she established immediately that she had a boyfriend, for some reason the tension only got hotter and hotter bc there was nothing we could do about the fact that we were both madly in love with each other.

which is what i told myself. but who knows.

her french was amazing, actually both of theirs was, and we took a train to Paris and spent 5 days there. i was the butt of eveyrones jokes because i was ridiculous and my french was so bad. but i tried. and as i tried everyone laughed and laughed. then we went to lyon. or did we do the opposite. who knows. Ae was incredible.

she was the first stranger i connected with immediately and it never unlocked.

so much so that when we parted ways and i took the train to Oktoberfest i met a pretty girl there who just wanted to get drunk and make out and… even at 21 i was like, nah. because i had had the real thing, whatever it was, down there in gay par-eee.

and that thing was intellectual stimulation which for me is the bullseye. the heart of the matter.

back in those days there was no email so i called her once or twice and we exchanged a few letters but im pretty sure when she got back to america she married her guy because i gave up on her quickly and that could have been the only reason why.

anyways ae was incredible for that week and i even remember her man’s name, thats how obsessed i was with her.

magic’ll do that.

since then i have known and loved lots of people, including asians. we are all people. we all want the same things: to be loved and respected and allowed to live.

i dont see why thats such a hard thing for people to understand.

the older i get the more i rethink how i feel about a certain type of american.

and i wish they had met the people that i have had the chance to break fromage et pain with outside the louvre while struggling to open a bottle of wine with a swiss army knife.

and i thank God every day for letting me know all these reflection of light.