i am not a good uncle. i probs would have been a bad dad.

my shrink asked me why i never had kids,

i said because condoms work.

she said but why didn’t you want kids?

i said, i think it was because the ladies i was getting naked with didn’t want them.

she asked, if you met someone who wanted kids would you have them?

i said, if i was in love, madly in love,

which is code for stupid, sure.

she said, you think love is stupid?

i said no, i think love is the greatest, but when you are in it you do super dumb things, and i am telling you this out of experience.

so you think having children is dumb? she asked.

i think me having kids is a risky move because of course i would love them and try to be cool to them, but i overshare and i dont see a lot of parents do that, so maybe it’s not a good thing, and if i was around little kids i would want to do the good thing, not the idealistic thing, and i have no clue what the good thing is

and maybe the good thing is to just lead by example and not be an asshole

that way if a kid, like say, my niece, sees me doing things, she will say “oh that seems not ass holey. i think i’ll do that too.”

which isnt to say i havent been an asshole to people, in fact i think about the times i have been so cruel, all the time. but i think the reason we are still breathing is to grow and learn from those sins.

kyla this year helped me transcribe some of the things ive been writing and that was an unexpected joy. and i paid her and she said you poor. i said doesnt matter, you should always ask for payment when you work.

she said, ok but how about you put it in my college fund.

which i did. totally forgetting that college for her starts soon.

in my head shes still a little kid putting on way too much sunscreen.