right before the world ended i was interviewed

i did it in my hallway because i still havent put many things on the walls

and it looks extra creepy.

i wore a $5 party shirt that was in the clearance rack because 4th of july had ended

but since Hear in LA launched on the 4th, i figured i should buy something to commemorate that

anyways its bad enough everyone has to listen to my voice 2x a week

but now they gotta see me too?

this podcast could really use a spokesmodel


do i hate everything today? yes.

do i believe that the people on the right side of this list will do the things the left side accomplished?

no. thats not how life is.

thats not how baseball is.

thats not how anything is.

ive never seen a situation where they took all the best people, got rid of them, paid a fraction for inexperienced people and those people did just as well if not better

this is why the good book says eat the rich

put them in a stew and eat them.

eat them all.

someone was telling me the way to raise money for the podcast is instead of shaking down thousands of people for a few bucks, find one or two very rich people and work on them.

but i dont understand why if i was rich i would just give money to a weirdo and not try to influence what hes up to

are there really silent partners in the world who just trust you after all these years?

why do i think thats a fantasy?

the cubs have made so much money off the top three dudes on the left.

they just gave them away for peanuts.

my niece called me and asked me to explain wtf is going on and i told her

life is short and filled with horrible moments.

fortunately there are also really super good moments

and i asked her to tell me about her favorite one so far

and she told me about going to the movies to see the Avengers Infinity War the night before it opened

she was so happy, she said, being in a theater with all these fellow fans who loved all these characters, they were cheering when they appeared on the screen, they clapped when they said cool things.

and i said, and then what happened at the end.

the end doesn’t matter uncle tony, she told me.

i said, why not.

she said, yeah, half of the world dies, but everyone knows a sequel was coming soon.

and i said, you have just explained wtf just happened with the cubs

the xbi took my shrink away from me

even if you dont work for them any more, they have a way of keeping agency secrets private

but for the while i was seeing her she would often talk about the wall i have around my emotions

today i was extremely sad.

after the cubs won the world series and they played their first game the next season

the team marched from under the bleachers, through a door in the ivy

to the great tune “It’s a Long Way to the Top if you Want to Rock n Roll”  from AC/DC’s first album,

holding the trophy was mr anthony rizzo

who the Cubs today traded to the Yankees for some disposable napkins

and three packets of ketchup.

sometimes you know things are going to happen but you hope the clock will run out

or you hope someone will do something heroic.

i dont know if you know me very well but the cubs are my favorite thing.

more than blogging, more than fighting crime, more than rock music.

if i lived in chicago i would figure out a way to go to as many games as i could

like, id probably sell hot dogs or something at wrigley in the summer

and sell weed to cops in the winter.

so today was heartbreaking in so many different ways

and yes i did cry.

which i never do.

people may take this the wrong way but i felt in some ways

like i did january 6

when the beautiful girl left for good.

this has been quite a year and before this week is over maybe more of my favorite cubs

will be gone to teams they should not be playing for.

it ruined all the plans i had today, all the productivity, everything.

fortunately two things happened:

i was interviewed on a new app and i believe i killed it.

in part because it happened before the trade.

and then after the trade i went for a little walk and ran into this old guy from the market

who never knows my name even though he asks it of me every time im in the store.

his name is george.

recently ive been saying, my name is george, which makes the cashier laugh

because usually it’s george with the yucks.

george was jaywalking with a bunch of boxes

and when he was half way across the street he said


and i said, george, lemme help you with those boxes

and we walked a few blocks with them and i asked him who the first president he voted for was

and he said LBJ

and i asked do you regret that now?

and he said, why should i, I love medicare.

which i never knew was an LBJ thing, but turns out it was.

then i said hi to the new fortune teller on the block, Lola

who says she wants to be on my podcast

and then i had a sample of some vegan ice cream which was good

until the aftertaste kicked in

and i promised myself i would drink a can of Old Style to honor #44

but i dont drink alone.

then a wonderful woman, a beautiful young woman who interviews people for a living

told me that she has heard all of my podcasts and she said

“you are the greatest interviewer.”

and she wants to help me make money on that thing.

and i wanna make money on that thing too.

and then joe biden sent me an obama phone in the mail.

free phone, i just have to turn it on.

but with what energy, phone?

my light is gone.

cubs game was amazing today

the beautiful julie van maldegaim sent me a three ring binder of all the letters i wrote her in high school

she had been keeping them all these years.

it’s a tiny bit cringey reading them because allllllll i talked about was the cubs

so im a little gunshy right now saying todays game was the best, most exciting one all season

which couldnta come at a more important time because cub fans are very nervous

because theyre gonna trade some of our favorite players, probably

even though they dont really have to

it’s just cheaper for them if they trade them right before their contract expires

that way they can get some young players out of the deal

otherwise they just lose them unless they pay market value.

the market value for the three guys whose contracts are expiring are about $20-$25million a year and most of them want 4-5 year contracts. So $400 million to keep them all


  • these players helped them win the world series
  • are beautiful wonderful men of honor and professionalism
  • are beloved by every single fan
  • the owners can afford it because theyve built up all around the park including a swanky hotel, and all of it is bringing in major revenue in part because of these men
  • for the last 4 years they haven’t had to pay very much at all for these guys
  • the Cubs have a chance to lead the league in Coolness

in conclusion i am very sad i didnt grow into a gazillionaire