i took this picture after a glorious dump

on a crazy day where i drove damn near 200 miles.

im gonna do something a bit risky this week. im going to spend as much time as i can cleaning my apartment. my neighbors are out of town so the garbage bins are empty. i need to fill those bad boys up.

I want to spend a half day per room. Then a half day per closet. I have two closets where I really have to purge.

It’s a risky thing to do because i need to make money this week and by not driving instead of cleaning i am gambling that i can have a bang up night on New Years Eve, which is also a risky night because drunks and pukers and it might be slick road conditions.

so that is where we have to trust in the Lord.

who i know loves me

in part because when i think back at the people ive gotten to know over the years, i have been blessed sooooooo well.

it’s ridiculous.

im terrible at cleaning so lets hope i can do this as planned.

finally a hooker admitted to me what she was up to

for the second time this month uber did not offer me a weekend goal for a bonus so today i took long trips.

i nearly took one to ventura for $80 but what a commitment. what if you and the passenger(s) dont hit it off? most of the time i totally jibe with them but you dont wanna suffer like that for an hour if you don’t. mama mia.

little did i know i would do two, hour-long rides today.

one was with a prostitute who was going to charge the guy $900.

she had a mini panic attack when i picked her up at her place bc she was afraid i was going to drive off without her. i offered to go in my trunk to get her a bottle of water. she said no, im late, lets go.

i said, we found each other. you can relax now. you got the best uber driver in LA. all will be well.

we talked and talked. she was amped up and emotional. her stories were fantastic and sad.

halfway there she asked me to pull over at a liquor store if i didnt mind. typically i would have minded but she was really freaking out. she called me sweet for being cool about the impromptu stop and asked me if i wanted a Gatorade or anything.

sure, some m&ms.

when she got out i was able to get a good look at her. she looked like a typical college girl with tight jeans and a short leather jacket. not the uniform of what was about to happen. more like what a young lady would wear going with her best friend to a movie in a small town. nothing she wore said sexy.

when i saw her eyes it looked like she had been crying. she had very little makeup.

she pounded a mini bottle of vodka next to a light pole. put the empty on the curb and got back in and called her dude.

“remember i told you i get bad breath when i snort rails? so crazy.” she said to him, “do you have an extra tooth brush? i stopped off at the liquor store and got m&ms and totally forgot to get gum.”

because i turned down the radio so she could make the call, i could hear him. he was being really nice.

“oh yeah i understand. the same thing happens to me,” he said. “i have a spare tooth brush.”

i forget if i asked her or she told me.

jk i asked, “how much do you charge a guy like this?”

“$900,” she said with no hesitation. ”im a high priced bitch.”

do you ever worry the dude might be too rough on you?

“never. i have nails. i’ll scratch his eyes out and kick him in the nuts. i might seem like a softy but guess what, im a bitch.”

she did most of the talking as we traveled side streets across LA. she told me everything. too much. we even got into astrology. when she realized we were the same signs she asked me if i ever met a virgo with body dysmorphia.

i said in LA? doesn’t half this town have that?

do you? she asked?

i probably should but no. im glad i dont have rock hard abs. i want to know people like me for me.

i like you, she giggled. and told me about the love of her life who was obsessed with his body to the point he was spending hundreds on huge jars of wheat germ and nonsense at gnc and it turned him crazy which turned her crazy and he left her because he didn’t believe he deserved her.

when we got close to the spot she asked me to turn on the hip hop station on the FM radio. then she said, im not sure i want to do this.

i said, i can turn around if you want. i wont even charge you for the ride back bc its sorta near me.

she quickly called her bff who told her its gonna be ok.

he met us outside his swanky condo. he was tall, maybe in his 30s. seemed safe. she handed me a $20 and a $5.

you really are the best uber driver, she said.

and hour later she tipped me another $10.

never got those m&ms

do you know yr loved?

even me. crazy.

this weekend was fantastic. lots of driving including to this condo leaning over pch

i hit my goals, i went to parties, i drove in the rain, i did the things.

i drove every day last week because i didnt drive any days the week before.

today im taking a day off by writing for bree

and when i get distracted ill write the summary of the hear in LA year in review 2022

for some reason i forgot i took the first three months off of hear in LA

because i wanted to set a good example that we should be hunkering down at home

because of the black plague.

then we got back to things in march with a tons of episodes

im not sure if i wanna include LA Taoc and LAist doing a terrible job of being competitors but it was part of the story this year. they did announce they were gonna gank and then hedged. poorly.

yesterday i drove so many ppl because i didnt wanna try to do 29 rides on a sunday (because its damn near impossible) but thats what i was up against.

heres some ppl i dont wanna forget

these two little black kids and their aunt or sister who were selling chocolate in Beverly Hills

a singer from a death metal band who was going from rodeo drive to john varvados in weho

a 29 year old named Jane who had never heard of Jane Says or janes addiction

a bald gay guy who was waiting for me and i thanked him for being prompt and he said his mom takes hours to get out of the house so hes always tried to get out quick. plys he said, “janet youre 62 and still serving, relax.”

a guy who ran out of gas who had me take him to the beverly hills gas station to get a gallon  of gas. as i was dropping him off he asked if he could give me some cash to drive him back. i said no. who wants a gallon of gasoline in their car?

an apple executive getting some ramen in ktown

also ate latkas

took this lawyer from his mechanic to his office

it was from pico robertson to century city. i knew he was a lawyer. everyone in that area is if they’re old white dudes.

but i made him feel good. i asked, are you a talent agent?

lol no no, im an attorney, he said

it has been drizzling on and off, windy at night. theres some clouds. but the pretty fluffy kind.

clear skies. we talked about how when he first moved here in the 70s there was lots of smog.

“i dont care how much gas prices are in California, we pay for those additives that make the air clean.”

i agreed, with a caveat that i did not express.

(my issue with the high gas prices is it should be reflected in the uber fare, but uber refuses to raise their rates in LA, which are the lowest in the USA)

it wasnt a long ride. we chatted civilly.

then he said, “i have never driven with an uber driver with a perfect 5.0 rating. but now i can see why you have it.”

then he tipped me $1.01

being an asshole is easy

we shouldnt do the easy things. i mean you can if you want.

but the people i love are the people who are playing the advanced version

honors, AP,

some do it in an annoying way and im sure i annoy some and im not saying i am at 100% 100% of the time, but im happier when i am.

some also incorporate diet and exercise and reading and raising kids

and clearly im not playing that version of this.

im just trying to be good.

being bad would be so easy.

like i could make a rival to Disneyland if I wanted. anyone could.

Evil Land

where everyones mean to you and if you complain the fire hydrant says shut the fuck up and squirts you a little.

and the mascots chase you around

and the food is suspiciously delicious.

reasonably priced too

which is also weird.

for example beers are only $2 a cup.

“we’re Evil but we’re not Assholes” our tshirt would read

and on the back “beers two bucks.”

if you get enough people into a place you dont have to charge crazy prices for beer. make the food really good and get em there.

like what if the best sushi in all of LA was at Evil Land

but it’ll cost you.

at the restaurants there you can get one of two colored bibs: red or black.

if you wear a red bib everyones mean to you. if you wear a black one everyone kisses your fucking ass basically.

red bibs are $5, black ones are $10.

when you leave you get your picture taken next to a sign that displays what percentage tip you gave.

amazing bands at Evil Land,

but there are no good seats

more book ideas

i sorta wanna make it an e-book.

shouldnt we be saving the planet?

why am i making a thing that needs paper and ink and a truck to ship it places

and then me to ship it places.

is an e-book “as cool” as a real book? no. of course not.

i need to talk with coulter about this.

real books are way cooler because of narcissistic reasons: it’s killer to see your name on a book shelf, tangible things are something someone could pass to someone, or people could find it decades later.

but i do so few good things for the planet, if this is just one nice thing i could do, i should probably do it.


any way i think i wanna call it

be right out

i did a lot today

transcribed the first 1/3 of wednesdays podcast, which i rarely do this early in the week

did most of the dishes

did laundry, watched most of church will watch the rest now

and i called out the head of the la times bc his staff weirdly missed the lede of this story

that purports the way to get from woodland hills to eagle rock is the 110

when it’s actually the 101 to the 134.

i told him the reason Hear in LA is so vital is because

even the very smart people at the award winning paper

couldnt possibly know all the inner workings of the neighborhoods

which is where my podcast comes in.

he probably wont take it the right way but sometimes you gotta shoot yr shot

ok now back to church

ive decided i will write a book about driving around LA

probably shouldnt call it an uber book bc who knows if they’re take me off the platform for writing about it, even though as an independent contractor, they should have no rights to do anything towards me as long as i don’t reveal anyone’s personal info and name

but still. i should include other trips ive done that werent on the platform. i have a few stories. including one where amber called me from her hotel and said a guest had accidentally left luggage behind, and could i drive to vegas right then for $400.

i said yes and half way through the journey i wondered, what if im smuggling hundreds of pounds of coke or something.

anyways the only thing that keeps me motivated about this book is the overwhelmingly positive reaction i get on FB any time i post stories, and the nice feeling i get thinking that this is just the style of bukowski talking about any of his jobs.

just matter of fact, but btw look how insane all of this is.

it flows very easily. it’s nice.

i want to do 64 stories in the book,

because thats how much drivers get per mile.

sixty four measly cents.

uber gets the rest.

do i really have a blog?

theres been a lot of things happening with this thing, which is why i havent written here.

but i guess it works now. this is the longest ive gone without blogging regularily

and one of my rules is dont blog about not blogging and dont apologize for it

just get on with it, so fine.

today im thankful bc its thanksgiving, but im always thankful

im thankful that i can just say ECHO PLAY LED ZEPPELIN EVERYWHERE

and zeppelin music comes out from all of the speakers in my humble abode

im going to a thanksgiving dinner held by a friend ive known over 30 years.

such a talented dude who has lived his life the way he would have wanted to since he was a lad

and i guess in a weird way im sorta doing that right now myself, maybe for the first time in a long time

my cars in the shop so i gotta chill for a few days

which might be just what the doctor ordered

Some are worried about a Civil War

What these geniuses should be worried about is abolishing Social Security and Medicare right as Gen X – who have been screwed decade after decade – is starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
We drank out of water hoses, walked home from school alone, never wore seat belts or had air bags, knocked on the doors of strangers for a variety of reasons from fundraising to collecting newspaper debts, were the first generation worse off than our parents. Survived AIDS, two Bushes and COVID.
If there is one generation you do not want to mess with, because it knows how to get back at you in creative and ruthless ways, it is the generation who intentionally drank Coke right after downing Pop Rocks.
I pity the fool who wants to poke the Slackers to see what we are made of. We are made of coat hanger antennas, heavy metal parking lots, and unyielding vengeance.