a lot has changed with the busblog over the last few years

ashley which is bound to happen.

when it started i actually rode the bus everywhere, which is how this blog got its name. and i was doing a lot of dating, which is what got the blog its fame, some say.

in the begining i was dating a 19 yr old young lady named Ashley who at the time was living in las vegas.

as time went on she moved to california. orange county to be specific. some say that the OC was created because of ashley. i wouldnt doubt it.

over time we had our ups and downs as any teen and her 110 yr old beau would have. but for the most part it was a happy time, in fact my recollection of it was beautiful.

i bring this up because the other day the daisy princess called me and told me that she felt forgotten by me and replaced by the anna kournikovas of the world who showed up once the busblog really got rolling. to which i told her that she was wrong.

to which she asked why i didnt write about her on my blog anymore.

to which i said because she has been in a happy relationship with her new boyfriend for close to two years.

to which she said but you talk about karisa.

to which i said not all that much.

to which she said more than me.

to which i said cuz she lives about a mile away from me and we go skydiving on sundays.

to which she said do you miss me.

to which i said of course i do.

to which she said how much.

to which i said if your boyfriend knew how much i missed you he’d want to punch me

to which she giggled and said dont be gross which is funny because i wasnt being gross but sometimes she can read my mind and my mind is indeed quite gross.

so yes ashley we are all bummed that you no longer live in southern california but we are happy that you are back in Vegas because now we can hang out with you when we go out there.

but no, you will never be forgotten, especially on the busblog.

yes she still loves drew + her myspace page + me and ashley rent a car

yes its true,

today i allowed myself to get caught up in a troll fiesta. and yes it is interesting that it happened just a day after the how to comment part three post of yesterday.

107. peter in ps

in the four years of the busblog, i doubt youve ever seen anything like it, here. probably because i would have never been able to participate in something like that unless i was, as i am now, unemployed. like our visitor probably is.

theres an old oriental saying that goes something like, dont argue with a madman because is someone walks past they wont be able to tell who’s crazy.

if youre concerned about being perceived as a madman id pay attention to that one if i were you. fortunately i dont have such hangups. im a fucking blogger, ive obviously thrown any hopes of looking cool out the proverbial window.

which in itself is ironic because, as alluded to below, the main reason i do this, and do it in public is to get chicks. plain and simple.

so if some unemployed hump in colorado wants to spend a few hours over here and say that his female friends have larger penises than me, fine. i’ll take his word for it.

so yes, most of keeping this blog going is to impress the ladies. but part of it is to provide an example for other bloggers, some of whom dont yet get the attention that mine does.

hopefully by keeping my comments open, writing all the time, and divuldging all my secrets, you too can have idiots infest your thingamabob.

but of course you will have idiots infest your shit. its inevitable. it doesnt matter if the pro in CO “started it” with an insulting link. it doesnt matter if my rebuttal to that link provided far more insight and constructive criticism than her slight or her champion’s defense. all that matters is people are going to come over to the busblog see 100+ comments and say wtf is going on here!

so since this week celebrates the year anniversary of how to blog, lets review what went down and have a quickie little how to handle trolls while i wait for two barely legals to drive me to malibu which im hearing might be tough to reach as pch (pictured, below) is closed.

a troll for those of you who arent hep is someone, usually a dude, unless youre jarvis, who sits around and tries to derail the discussion at hand with distractions having nothing to do with the topic of the post. the word troll comes from the mythical creature who sits under the bridge and pops out from the darkness to fuck up the day of the innocents who are just going about their business.

i think thats where it comes from.

trolls are sometimes interesting in very small doses but only if they are fast typers and predictable in their trolliness. if they stray from the stereotype they will usually ALL CAPS your ass and bail out.

what they want most of all is attention, which is interesting because they rarely have their own blogs. youd think that wouldnt be the case, but then again if they actually gave you something to compare against, they wouldnt be able to last long whilest trolling cuz their shit stinks which is why they leech off real blogs.

some trolls have blogs but never own up to having them. and Lord knows they wouldnt have open comments. think they want more people like them around trying to fuck up their shit? trolla, please.

cowards snipers and trolls love to hide in wait. but its cool. dont fear them, pity them and know what to expect.

they’ll jump on the most obvious things like your name or your style or your last post. its no different than a schoolyard tussle except no teacher is going to break it up once a crowd begins to grow.

if you give a troll enough rope he will hang himself with something really dumb. and if youre super lucky they’ll try to ignore their mistake and make another. todays troll made the unfortunate comment that his two female friends had larger penises than me. then later he talked about how he saw me on jerry springer with hermaphadites.

(how i was able to stand after that zing is a miracle. im sure you agree.)

the unusual sexual confusion this poor man is experiencing in the heat of the flame war was easy to ridicule, and far more telling on whats in his head than his complaints about my use of (or lack of) the shift key, his best attack.

the problem was instead of comparing the two blogs in question he went for the sucker play of trying to suggest that i was an uneducated, trailerpark livin redneck, who wrote poorly. and i had a little penis and a little ego.

any student of USENET knows that high school kids for years have been calling each other names on the web and they usually wind up either screaming about peoples mommas or about ones sexuality or cocksize.

since everyone knows that my dick’s so big and useful that i often type with it, as i am doing now, his attacks were ignored in deference to his ignorance. not ignorance as an insult, merely a lack of information.

so yes managing trolls involves a lot of ignoring, a tad of patience, large heaps of pity, and a keen eye thats always on the lookout for a pattern of weakness.

in todays case our troll has a thing about penises, and once he started posting a comment a minute, the best thing is to just let him keep running full steam at the red cape until he tires

and snorts some dumbass shit.

id love to go on but therye here. if you can learn some techniques through the thread below then it will have all been worth it.

surfs up!

the day i got my ipod + rosie gets hella comments + keezel + assclown junction

next to me and drew

gwen stefani in hot water

ashleys favorite person in the world is ms gwen stefani.

meaning that when ashley was dating me we went to hella no doubt concerts.

which isnt so bad, deep down.

if you dont pay too much attention to the music, its not bad. i mean you have gwen up there wearing close to nothing, then you have all these cute young gurls dancing around dressed like her, and then theres ashley orgasming basically during and after each song.

the no doubt fans can be a little obsessive. but nothing is sadder than a dude nd fanatic. those i tried to stay away from. but they knew the angle. it was the same as mine: be there – you will get hugged and kissed by all the chicks who are in ecstacy.

once we saw no doubt for free at this little theatre in westwood. the wadsworth theatre. it was for a taping of a “concert” that they were doing on abc family.

we were as close to the stage as your screen is to you right now.

i was all, gwen looks a little chubby.

i was kidding but she did have a tiny belly.

that was the beginging of the Rock Steady tour.

a year and a half later we were at the long beach arena. one of the last shows of the tour and that cute little ponch was gone.

now, if you ask me, shes a little too skinny.

gwen too.

thus ends the ashley* princess birthday day special three way busblog tribute.

if you read this today ashley i hope you have a happy birthday and i hope this blog will make you smile.

i loved being your boo for all those years.

its been great to watch you grow up both in person and in pictures.

i know you think i hate you and dont think about you and dont want to get with you but none of the above is true.

youre very special to me, even if youre not with me physically.

i called your work today at the state department and told the lady to leave a little post-it on your office door that says tony says happy birthday.

and i called your sister in vegas just incase you were there for the tail end of the porn awards scoring some schwag for me for my birthday.

much love and busblog kisses.

ashley self portrait + god she was young + ashleys photoshop skillz in full effect

the daisy princess had a good day on tuesday.

showing a little cleavage  first she got to talk to me on the phone. then she got her poster signed by her hero. then she got to see her hero get her much deserved star on the hollywood walk of fame.

then she got to talk to me on the phone again.

then she got to go to the hollywood premiere of the new drew + adam sandler movie and see all the stars.

then drew’s assistant recognized her and offered her two tickets to the premiere, but because she had her bf and her best friend with her she needed three tickets so the assistant hooked her ass up with three tickets at the theatre next door and she got to see the movie and omg omg omg she had a great night

so she called me and left me a message and apologized for being a pain in the ass and i said it was cool and then she put her best friend on the phone and i offered to guess her weight in my own special way and her best friend didnt say no.

best friends never do.

anyway, im glad ashley had a great day. im glad she got to see her idol and the new flick and if somehow she reads this im glad that she got her picture back here on the busblog.

her luck just doesnt end.

hopefully the rumors of her favorite band’s breakup arent true.

grapevine + makeout city + buzz machine + circle square

im watching oprah.

its one fifteen am. ive lost my mind. ive given up trying to find it. i hope it blows under a crack in the french doors and floats away.

saw my cat losty today. hes looking pretty fat. he knows hes mine. saw him on the brick wall as miss montreal was following me into my house. she warned me not to pet him. i think she thought it was cuz she didnt know it was my cat. i noticed his collar was missing. he must be on the lam.

my minds on the lam. walked past this chick today and we lowfived. people can talk shit all they want and i bet you the world those people arent getting lowfived as they head into their helicopter.

ive been on double secret probation for that little incident when the cubs were in the playoffs and i accidentally hit the wrong button. its been a lot of pressure but its only made me better. things will only get better because theres no way they could have been any harder. problem with what i get paid to do is that there are so many ways to mess up bigtime and theres so many distractions and obstacles.

other people might not know it, but they could be making it so easy for me to make a mistake.

its like being a hockey goalie. it doesnt matter if they take 40 shots on you one night or 80, if you give up 5 goals people are going to say, pierce gave up 5 goals?!?! and theres hardly anyone around to say, they took 80 fucking shots on his ass last night.

nobodys around to pay for my work sins.

did you know that carson daly still has a late late night show?

carson daly?

george bush is president and carson daly is still on tv.

if it wasnt for rush getting closer to going to jail and for ashley emailing me a very nice sentence and for virginia letting me talk with her on her radio show, today would have been just an a-minus

miss montreal kissed me after we got mcdonalds, and that was cool too.

chokey chicken + monique + moxie

i just want to be good.


i want to write good. i want to fight good. i want to fuck good. i want to rock good.

when im with people i want them to have a good time. when im with a girl i want her to think of noone else. when im skateboarding down sunset i want the budhists to say shit weve gone down the wrong path all along.

im not feeling well.

in my review i told them that i hadnt been sick all year. now im feeling a little dizzy. i think i had bad roast beef yesterday and i thought i was having a heart attack. then i ate all these tums. then my buddy came over and wanted to do a quick shot with me.

ashley no doubt rock steadyone shot leads to another.

then i tried to write what i have to write for the big time web site. wasnt able to. passed out on the couch. ashley called me and woke me up. went back to sleep. woke up. went back to sleep.

i just want to do good and be good and feel good and write good.

i want the pearly gates to open when i arrive and for them to say that motherfucker was good.

i want the dogs to bark and the fat ladies to sing.

i want i want i want. camus said that wanting is the root of all pain but you know what i say to camus.

i say fuck camus, thats right.

fuck you camus.

i want to make tshirts. i want to make hats. i want to make mousepads that people can give to their dads.

whats this boy?

its a fuck you camus mousepad, pops.

i want this hot girl to come over but im sick. im not sick. im pre-sick. my buddy gave me some echinacia, i ate clam chowder for lunch, now im gonna pound water.

every time my throat hurts i always think that its from my after-work pipe.

when i was a kid i always thought that when i was an adult i would love to have a pipe hanging around cuz they looked and smelled so damn good.

little did i know how easilly dreams can come true.

i want you.

im going to say it again until i instill it.

right now i could use a shot of rum. we chased this mother down thai town in the heat and i cant catch my breath.

some of the fellas shot at him but missed and i shot and hit him in the foot.

nice shot, footy, they say. they think its lame that i always hit people either in the eye or in the foot and i say what good is marksmanship if you dont apply it and they say thats bullshit that if you hit them in the foot they can still shoot back and i tell em let em shoot back its not like any things ever going to hit us. ever.

and they look at me like im crazy and i tell them nothings ever going to get us.



and you know what they say?

they say,


ev + missie + bing + kzug

ashley is an interesting girl

Ashley - Marilyn's grave08 but ashleys pissing me off right now so we’re not going to talk about her today.

and if she keeps pissing me off i will stop talking to her forever. as in forever. as in forever and ever and ever forever.

as in she better get her shit together and check her self because she is wrecking herself and i dont appreciate it because i have been extremely good to her and ive given her many second and third chances and she still tries so hard to weasel out of our agreements and i wont have it.

it sucks to be around a girl 1/7 your age because i feel like i have to sorta teach lessons and i dont want to teach any damn lesson, i just want to live my life and when people fuck me over i want to wipe them off my speed dial.

theres a lot of rock stars in the stratosphere. theres no reason to hang out with those who dont want to hang out with you or those who dont respect you.

ive seen a lot of things in my 109 years skateboarding this crust and the one thing that baffles me are people who do not get along who stay with each other because of history or old feeling or comfort or fear.

i dont think that its an accident that millions of people share this land with us and we have 75-100 years to rock the casbah. meet the people of the world. stick to your convictions. demand respect. love each other. and love each other enough to call bullshit on bullshit and walk away when the dj starts playing crap on the wheels of steel.

this isnt to say that problems cannot be worked out. this isnt to say that if you make commitments to be together forever like run dmc and the beasties that you should eject when the going gets rough. but this is to say that even though the grass is never greener on the other side, it might fill your lungs with something more to your speed.

now that im all riled up im going to take a subway to a bus to another bus and pop the weasel who is fucking with the program because nobody in the xbi seems like they can find him. and i can find him. i know i can and when i do the sound will be loud and frightening and terrible and i will not only bring his head on a platter.

and i know you read this shit so give yourself up before i catch you because i want to go to the beach today and read my fucking book because it’s great and i thank you agent cridland for loaning it to me.

sk smith rules + flamer disses beck + i heart metafilter

friday night me and ashley went to see no doubt

ashley no doubt rock steadythey were really incredible.

about an hour before the show she and i broke up for the tenth and final time. only in my world could you break up with me and then go to a concert, dance close for two hours, and then get taken home and get a nice kiss goodnight and go to sleep alone.

it was a long drive from irvine to hollywood in the wee hours and even though it was nice to borrow chris’s car, i had forgotten how miserable it is to drive at night when you’d rather be sleeping.

somewhere on the 710 freeway my cell phone rang and it was anna calling.

what are you doing? she asked.

being sad, i said.

why are you sad?

cuz i probably wont be with ashley in that superclose way any more.

anna changed the subject real fast like. she hates sad stories.

she told me about this movie she saw at the art house, about how great her thanksgiving was, how much she ate, about how pretty the skies were over miami that night.

when are you going to visit me, tony?


stop that, i’ll send you a plane ticket.

no thanks.

i was thinking how i might have to take a little respite from girls for a little while and just work on reading the good book, or writing some bad books, or something. 2002 i had more than my fair share of amazing women. probably more than in any other year of my life.

and here i am at the tail end of it and what have i learned?

lust is blind.

women are kind.

control is an illusion.

laughing is the best foreplay.

bodies are just bodies, the most important thing is heart.

sex is overrated.

good sex is underrated.

great sex cannot be created, it’s magic sent down from above like a rainstorm when you least expect it.

likewise, true love can’t be found, it creeps up on you like a theif in the night.

anna didnt want to hear any of this because in truth we had never done it.

she did a few things on the phone one night but it might have been my imagination.

ive got a pretty good imagination.

still, i think she was doing something.

that night i said, what are you doing?

she said, nothing.

i said, put the phone down there, i think youre doing something.

she said, shuttup.

last night at the show there were girls of all ages but the prettiest one, next to my date, was ms. gwen stefani who is probably the most beautiful woman to ever take the stage and rock the mic. she was gorgeous and glamorus and naughty and foul mouthed and pretty much everything you could imagine.

if it wasnt for ashley i would have just written off that band as a nothing pop band for kids, but no doubt last night at the long beach arena were intense, excellent, and sexy.

definately magic was happening on that stage.

and this afternoon as my ears were still ringing, i looked at my little polaroid of ashley and touched it and thanked her for turning me on to them.

no doubt is in town so you’d think ashley would be happy

but shes not happy unless im with her.

and sometimes i look in the mirror and when i do i dont see anyone who you’d be depressed not to be around.

ashley loves attention and normally i dont mind letting our favorite twenty year old princess steal my eyes away from you, beloved computer screen, but this weekend i had to work on some projects and root on the bears and the raiders, who both won, and clean my apartment, and fight crime, and be stinky, and not shave, and read the good book, and read some bad books, and water the plants, and, you know, be a dude.

im 109 years old and i have never had to tell a girl i needed my space, but this weekend i did. it felt weird. not as weird as telling this one supermodel that i didnt care if we didnt have sex because i cherished our friendship so much, but weird nevertheless.

men are not programmed to say no to good lovin from hot young girls who like to fulfill fantasies, but my plants had the right answer.

they said, tony, if you watered us every day, we would die. we love the water, but it would drown us.

the flowers said, and some of us only bloom when we think we’re going to die, the day to day look of many flowering plants do not include the beautiful colors that we know them for being.

the flowers dont know english too well, please excuse them.

still, i got the point.

but ashley didnt.

she called crying and sobbing and left the saddest messages on my phone. please dont leave any more sad messages on my phone, dear angels of the moonlight.

im a stubbly olde man who walks with a cane who has carpal tunnel and types with a pencil scotched taped to the center of my reading glasses.

my hips are about to go out, my breath is foul, my words are foul, my ways are foul, i lie in my blog, and worst of all, i dont respect the president of the united states of america. i think he’s gross.

surely there must be a handsome young man in orange county who could take care of the daisy princess in ways that she deserves.

but strangely there isnt.

and shes not the only one.

i work with some of the hottest women in showbusiness. educated, intelligent, totally together, gorgeous young women who definately know how to please a man, i am sure, and yet they go out into the wild and come back empty-handed and unsatisfied.

and i think about all of the supercool single men who i would fix them up with, and i think, i dont know any supercool single men to fix them up with.

i mean i do, but these women are looking for different types of men.

perfect ones.

im a good job, two inches, and a vette away from being perfect, but ashley doesnt care. she also doesnt care that im old enough to be her dirty neighbor across the street. she loves me for who i am and tells me all the nice things i want to hear but the only thing i can tell her in return is youre far too good for me. go to the skatepark with a big pizza and a mini skirt.

she only says i dont want to go to any skate park, i want you!

and i want her too, america. of course i do.

but i also want to save the world first. and i want to do the right thing. and i want to figure out how im supposed to have thanksgiving with a vegitarian poolside in orange county and not consider myself a sellout.

these are the biggest dillemas i have this week.

dont ever let me bitch about shit.


i was going to be eight minutes late for work

and i knew my boss was going to get on my case and i wondered if i should tell him the truth when he would ask me why i was late.

would i lie and say subway problems?

or would i tell the truth which is blonde girl showed up on my doorstep at 2am. the shoes that she came to retrieve were nicely packed into a box next to the satellite dish. in the box was a magazine with her favorite band on the cover and under the magazine was a tape of an hour of her favorite actress on it.

i might not ever talk to you if i break up with you, but if theres a box on a doorstep from me to you, odds are theres probably gonna be some good shit in it.

unfortunately, like most things, this made her cry.

she cried and knocked on my door. tap tap tap tap.

i snored peacefully.

bang bang bang bang.

more snoring. very little can wake me from my slumber. its the only time this haunted mind can stop dreaming and talking and rest. and when it rests it shuts off completely.

however, the nice woman who lives upstairs can be woken from her slumber.

disturbed, she got up and went to her balcony and her hardwood floors squeaked and somehow i woke.

knock knock knock knock.

i went to the door, turned on the porch light, opened the door. daisy princess sobbing. can i hug you she asked.


did you guys see giselle last night when the protesters hopped on the catwalk? she didn’t miss a beat. every step she made was exactly the step she would have taken if no one was there. my visitor never blinked.

i allowed the twenty year old into the home. let her hug my back. i turned off the porch light. shut the door. went back to bed and quieted the disturbance that my neighbor was experiencing.

perhaps this isn’t what a pro would do. and obviously im no expert on women. i am a victim. anything that happens to me is because they make it so.

when i was in college i learned from the frat boys. they were handsome and rich and they had nothing inside of them other than mgd and semen but what i learned was no matter what ignorance they spewed or how many times they’d listen to “legend”, because they were surrounded by women with low standards, they were always satisfied.

so i learned to show up in places where there would be hot babes, keep my mouth shut, and have a clean apartment with a second pair of sheets somewhere.

all my body wants is peace and quiet and a nice hand to hold.

ashley is much more than that, and she isn’t right for me and im not right for her and the frat boys would sometimes throw stephen stills in the boom box and you know the one, where the eagles fly with the dove.

some people can let the sands of the hourglass stream through as they wait for their dreams to come true. im not so patient. i have no willpower.

i might not ever find the girl of my dreams who also thinks im the boy of her dreams but im not so sure its a great idea to sit around alone while i figure out the answer.

she apologized and made promises and asked me if there was anything that she could do to prove that she was sorry and i thought of a few things.

let me sleep with all of your friends.

she sniffed and hiccuped still sobbing a bit.

even the fat ones.

she said, im the only fat one.

then i said take off your clothes.

leather chaffs at three am when you’re trying to sleep.