today is the truest’s birthday, shes 24

chris and africans

almost everything you need to know about todays birthday girl is in this picture.

when everyone was getting high, making money, going to cocktail parties with meliania

chris went to africa to save the poorest of the poor. the blackest of the black.

she joined the peace corps, volunteered at an orphanage filled with kids whos parents died of AIDS or wars.

some of the kids were handicapped some were emotionally screwed up.

two tried to kill themselves by throwing themselves into the Victoria River

but Chris, once a member of the UCSB Women’s Crew Team, jumped into the river and saved them

a year later she returned to the river, with the youngsters, and they took pictures to celebrate her bravery

orphansand selflessness.

some in the village called her a ghost. some a witch. some just called her America.

America saved two orphans, someone said in Lugandan, the language of Uganda.

You lie! said another.

and a sound was heard in the distance, then a dusty image, then a rollicking cab filled with people

some even on the roof.

and then it stopped.

and out came three wet souls. one white and two black.

and off they climbed from the roof.

and they all collapsed before they could get into the orphanage. they were exhausted.

but alive.

and the one said to the other SEE! SEE WHAT THE AMERICAN GHOST DID!

today Chris lives in New Mexico where she donates blood every week.

and listens to NPR on her solar powered radio.

she is the very best this country is all about.

Hillary should make her the VP.

today is michele’s birthday, shes 24

michelethe best things ive learned ive learned from women.

and the least likely things ive learned, i learned from my girlfriends

i have been extremely lucky with love.

these women have all been super smart, and thankfully patient, but most of all, genius

michele lived in malibu. i loved her family and fortunately they loved me right back. i tell these stories every year because i like to remember them.

the drive was always so long to get out there but it was always worth it. we talked a lot, she and i. we were so young. people worry but they shouldnt. some kids just like to talk with their gf/bf. hold hands and watch movies.

its weird that now i work right across the street from our favorite movie theatre: this little indie place that specialized in foreign films. i lived in inglewood at the time. i would drive to zuma, hang with her family and we would drive into hollywood and watch a movie, then id drive her home. then id drive back to inglewood.

it was a lot of driving. i was 20. what did i care. i loved her. what wasnt there to love? dark hair, red lips, blue eyes, pale skin and the most beautiful words from the most concerned mind. she was from another world. i was from the dirt. she was from the heavens.

she would see a whale in the sea and cry. shed stand by the railing and it would swim and she would see an entire novel. a mini series. she would weep during the sad parts and bawl during the happy parts. and it all took place in seconds. i didnt even look at the whale because there was a damn movie happening in her face. the weirdest and most beautiful movie. she’d apologize for crying and i’d apologize for not crying.

she taught me about poetry and journalism and the rest of my life has been about

well, not about whales.

not yet. that is.

today is my niece Kyla’s birthday, she’s 14

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kyla is a gemini.

often shes a sweet angel. but i hear reports that she’s not always that way.

but who can blame her, really, her favorite uncle is far away and she’s in a cold city

and a giant house, with every toy, animal, human, and christmas tree a teenage girl could ever want.

when i was her age i had a tv with three channels and an etch-a-sketch.

we had a rotary phone and an AM radio.

this chick’s got a PS4 AND an XBox One.

she didnt like her brother so they adopted a baby sister for her.

imagine that YOUR OWN BABY!

the pool in the backyard is jacked up to 92 degrees. there are flat screen tvs in every room.

and whenever she wants she can just “log on” to her computer (or phone or tablet or robot screen) and she can read the worlds greatest busblog.

when i was her age i was drawing detailed maps on three ring binder paper so i could stand on a chair and drop a freshly sharpened pencil down upon my little world and see who the “bomb” destroyed.

kyla has snapchat and instagram and minecraft and

“books”

i hope she knows how lucky she has it.

and how lucky we are to have her.

happy birthday kyla jo!

today is mary’s birthday, she’s 24

mary hugging bearas you well know by now she was my first girlfriend when we were in high school in illinois

i havent heard from her since she sen me a little toy truck several years ago

and we havent seen each other since there were fires in san dieger, where she has been living since forever.

when we were kids we would write each other every day using stationary and colored pens and i would draw things and she would say the sweetest things and i would say them right back.

every day the biggest thrill in the world was going to the mail box and getting one of her letters. it was like getting a message from Heaven itself.

maybe im still writing her with this blog.

maybe i moved to california the day i could just to get her back

maybe i never moved out of california so we would maybe one day run into each other and say oh hey

would she even recognize me?

maybe i wear a cubs hat every day so she would

maybe ive never gotten married or had kids or gone to jail so the door would remain open and we could finish what we started in schaumburg and hayward

which was making out in the back seat of my cadillac right before the cops broke it up because why would a beautiful, tall blonde girl want with a skinny dude with an afro?

maybe life is figuring out the answer to that.

what if she moved away to hawaii long ago and im just a dog going to a bowl thats been empty for ever

and right next door is a damn dog food factory but hes just sniffing that empty bowl

that used to be filled with pork chops

and apple sauce.

hawaii it is

today is Liana’s birthday, shes 24

lianaLiana was born in havana cuba and moved to north carolina when it became obvious that america needed her.

we met when i was just starting this blog and she insulted me and gave me dirty looks and delivered zero signals that she thought i was anything other than an annoying piece of dirt

i believe one day i was trying to AOL instant message her and she told me she had just read this very blog

i think she said, you are a bag of garbage with a hole in the bottom

and as it’s dragged down the street theres a trail of gunk that is left behind

the busblog is that trail.

i instantly fell in love with her

why? BECAUSE SHE WAS READING MA BLOG!

i asked her out over and over and she said no no no.

she made fun of my clothes, my hair, my lack of a car, everything.

but she kept reading this blog which back then did have a magic power.

eventually she gave in and allowed me to take her to a movie, i think. it was so long ago. who knows.

once i invite her to my place. she sat on one side of the couch and wrapped herself in a blanket and wouldnt let me come anywhere near her.

it was the funniest thing id ever seen.

we had many fun times after that and i miss seeing her all the time. but now shes a wife and mom and she has bigger fish to fry than to make me LOL in all her different ways.

but today she turns 24 which is a big deal, so i brushed up on my Cuban, so here goes

bonne anniverarrie, bella chica!

a bunch of my friends are Aquariuses so we party in February

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we like to go to Castia de Castia or whatever it’s called because it’s central and they have a big room in the back and a back patio where all the kids can be loud and play and do shots without any of us “old folks” spying on them.

kidding! the children are actually selling beers to passing strangers at a discount.

kamikazisone of the kids, the oldest of the mcilvane boys is an excellent baseball player. i taught him everything he knows.

yesterday he was sporting a sweatshirt for a team he is on. i said The Kamikazes? he said yeah.

i said, i thought we lived in the politically correct Silver Lake / Los Feliz / Echo Park corridor, how is this possible?

the boy just looked at me.

i said, do you know what a Kamikaze is? before he could answer i interrupted, not a delicious drink.

he said, they are suicide bombers.

i was a little startled at how concisely he described it.

i said yes! yes!

he said, yeah someone got upset and we had to change the name. because our caps already had a K on it, we changed the name to The Kings.

which was interesting, because here in America, didn’t some of us defect from England because we didn’t wanna be ruled by Kings any more? Didn’t we want some representation to go along with the taxation?

and then i drove home trying to think of other names that started with K

The Kanyes

The Kickstarters

The Kombuchas

The Korean BBQs

The High Flying Kites

The Killer Kittens

The Kreepy Klowns

and then I realized yeah the Kings was probably the smart move.

today is the 24th birthday of one of the coolest people you’ll ever meet

danielle

Danielle!

danielle and i met many moons ago when we both worked at E!

i remember clearly how one of the producers said omg tony youre going to love this new girl we hired.

i thought ah shes a cub fan? shes into balding black men? she can levitate?

danielle

turned out she was a free spirit who loved bukowski and posing for pictures and wearing hot clothes and writing and embracing life will full force.

the first time we talked we connected right away. we talked and talked and talked.

after that we went to lunch together almost every day, and even went on coffee breaks before and after lunch.

danielle

rarely would we go to dinner. or hang out at night. which was fine because really we were cushioning the misery that we both shared working in that lifesucking building.

for some reason danielle moved to san dieger to get her masters, which she got, but as anyone who has spent much time down there knows, sd can suck the life right out of you too. which is what is happening to our fair princess.

she needs to move outta there. she needs to find her prince charming. like X said many years ago, shes gotta get out (get out) get out (get out) get oooooout.

danielle

its remarkable that such a beautiful person inside and out can have such bad luck with the opposite sex when all she wants to do is love and celebrate life, but such is the curious case of danielle k.

i heart her so, but even i am repulsed by the 619 so ive only visited her a few times, which makes me a bad friend, which i am. but this weekend or next i will see her and give her a great birthday gift.

until then, as the little drummer boy said, i have this gift for you parumpapumppum.

danielle

happy birthday danielle – the reason its so sunny in san diego is because of your warm soul

and sparkling eyes

and the way you skinny dip in the pacific thinking no one can see you

today is ali millers birthday

shes 24.

born to new york jews who made their way to the promise land (the valley), ali has been enamored with video games, death metal, and japanese fetish vids since she hit puberty.

when i first met her at an LAist bbq i told her she was probably at the wrong shindig because no way could she be the ali miller who i had corresponded with via email.

one thing led to another and soon she was at the LA Times’ Metromix offices writing cover stories and then being on the cover.

suffice it to say, she was making me and LAist look good.

before we knew it Ali was gone and working on the wessssside for a video game company or the Japanese tourism bureau or someone, who knows who, all we know is she was no longer brightening the halls of the Times and sharing inappropriate discussions with Sarah and I at lunch.

we missed her so.

a few months ago she talked about a new video game company that she swooned over and deemed The Future of Gaming.

Monday she started working there.

happy birthday Ali – party up!

its sass’s birthday today

shes 25

theres many reasons to like people, but i like sass cuz when i say photo shoot? she says heck yeah

sass often has a sad or bored look on her face. its cuz im boring

my favorite picture of your friend from toronto was when she met Pau right after the Lakers won it all

i like it because we get to see how tall sass really is: pocketsized!

closetsized!

happy birthday sexy girl who spent most of the year living in a suitcase

may you find some sweet love, real love, this time around

try this: crush on some straight ones this year 🙂