this food bank keeps texting me

if you pay $40 they give you two huge shopping cart of food and drink and vegetables and 7 loaves of bread and rice and frozen things like a case of burritos

and everything is about to expire and if you dont buy it they give it to zoo animals who are gonna be fine

aint no one ever heard of a zoo animal dying of starvation.

but still its hard to roll up in there with a benz and fill up the trunk and back seat with food earmarked for the poor but the poor are too poor to drive down there and volunteer for 4 hours or hand over $40

plus amber gets stressed out trying to

  • find room in our fridge for all of it
  • eat it
  • watch it stare at us and slowly age as we try to eat it all

so i was like, it’s just $40, why dont we give away as much as we can on the way home

keeping the stuff we really like

and anything thats left over will probably fit in the fridge.

seriously who needs 200 tortillas and 5 lbs of frozen lox?

lets give it away and we will feel stoked and they will feel stoked and we end up with 6 heads of lettuce

and 22 apples.

she goes, its my day off, please dont stress me out.

i hug her and apologize and then flash my man boobs.

and then the food bank texts me again

this time in spanish

ordered some thai food because i was tired of soup

sunday soup, monday soup, tuesday wednesday soup soup

amber has been learning how to crock pot and shes a quick learner, gotta say

and she makes all my favorite things: carrots, broccoli, potatoes

but today i needed a change of pace

thai soup.

milky. spicy. with a little tofu in there for ya.

noodles. chicken. sticky rice.

it cost a days wages but tonight we celebrate

because i have been healed.

yesterday was elisas last day at work and patrick j dropped by

so a bunch of us went to Natalee Thai on robertson and olympic

usually the primo thai joint in 90210

a close second going to tuk tuk thai

the place was packed

they sat us in the back.

when the food came out it was hot

spicy hot like omg

then it got really hot

i drank coke. then ate rice.

people were crying.

i was crying.

my sinuses cleared and a truck went through them.

my ears cleared and i could hear again.

hair grew on my chest. and my ears, but the fire singed it all, which was nice.

i asked for a to go bag but

i threw it out at work and the trash can caught fire.

and then the fire caught fire.

but its sinuses cleared.

mcdonalds has mozzarella sticks

IMG_6668

ramie is a beautiful woman who loves mcdonalds nearly as much as i do. tonight i was all i hear they have a new thing going on over there. she said what, i said i dont know thats why i wanna go and find out.

IMG_6670i thought i heard they had this thing where you could get two small things for $2 and it turned out to be true.

you could get small fries, a chicken sandwich, a mcdouble, or three mozzarella sticks.

mozzarella sticks?!?!

indeed. so i was all fuckit i want like those, some fries, a mcchicken and some mcnuggets

the sticks were fine, but petite. sorta not worth it even for a buck. maybe if you have a kid.

and the weird thing is they dont have any options to get any larger size. like id pay $5 to get 20 of them. brotha needs 20. they also have to figure out how to make them stringier. the marinara sauce was fine, but any time im sitting down at a mcdonalds – which is rare – and i ordered something dippable, i’ll ask for hot mustard.

hot mustard is something no other mcdonalds has. they should exploit that.

they should introduce a new character

something sexy, and yellow, and spicy and delicious that adds a punch whatever it’s spread on.

angry drunk marge simpson?

went downtown chicago with my mom and my truest

like tourists!

my mom doesnt like cars. shes a natural woman. but she loves me so when i said hey i wanna go downtown with you and look around she said what moms always say “we’ll see.”

secretly she knew we would take the slow train through the burbs to the city. it was a trip id never done before but she apparently does all the time because now that shes retired the city gives her a free pass, which is nice.

even though this is the busblog, based on the fact that i spent years in LA taking public transportation, i was initially against taking a train to the city. what would we do once we were down there? how would we get around?

but it turned out to be so fun. cabs were plentiful and cheap, and between millennium park, state street, navy pier, and michigan avenue we had quite a fun little afternoon.

the only problem we had, blog-wise, was my good camera’s battery died after only a few shots. so we went to Central Camera an olde fashioned camera store on wabash, bought a battery charger, and asked the man if he would charge my battery in my new charger as we ran around the crazy park. he was cool with that, and i took pics via my iphone.

those turned out well too. see:

millennium wasnt around when i lived in chicago. back then the tourists were stuck enjoying chicago for what it was: huge buildings, great art, mediocre sports, and fantastic food & people

but somewhere along the line they decided to spruce up navy pier and the park and put in some crazy fountains, an amphitheatre, a garden, and this trippy reflection sculpture called The Bean. for some reason it make my truest wanna run.

navy pier was a little sad. it was off-season and apparently its all the rage in the midst of summer, but when its just a few hundred people roaming about its sorta like going to mardi gras the week After its all over.

but we did run past this brightly colored tribute to chicago childrens tv of olden times, namely ray rayner, bozo, and fraizer smith. wgn stalwarts and icons in the minds of any kid that grew up in chicagoland back in the day.

after playing around, it was time to get serious. we had the cabbie take us from the pier to the camera store to pick up the freshly charged battery, and then we were driven to the finest pizza place in the entire galaxy, Gino’s East.

i knew it took a while to cook the pizza but i was under the impression it took about 20-30 minutes. no no. 45 minutes! so the ladies ordered salad to start and i chose the creamiest minestrone you’ve ever had the pleasure of slurping.

mom had water, truest Stella on tap, and i chose old style from the bottle. even with a bad stomach it all went down beautifully and some would say it cured me of all the things Tums couldnt. it was delightful.

we ordered a small pepperoni and sausage and barely made it through our 1 slice each. it was cheesy, hot, and delectable.

the conversation was good. and i was so energized that i was inspired to take pictures all throughout the restaurant.





got on the train right before it was gonna leave the station and almost fell asleep in our chairs because we were so full and happy and worn out from walking and talking and laughing at my incredible jokes.

when we got home the ladies watched Castle and i messed up my moms beautiful house by trying to get her caller ID to work in her kitchen. the end!

my nutritionist is not the least bit happy

with all this McRib chatter.

its almost like im cheating on her in some weird way.

little does she know that i am tempted all day in this office by odd foods.

take this bag of chips for example.

youd think a man could dip his hands into a bag of tostidos and pull out a chip. but no. there appears to be some home made brownie / fudge in there looking to sabotage him.

theres also pizza, thai food, cakes, candy jars, cupcakes, and even a damn test kitchen in this building producing all sorts of tasty delectables and leading this sinner into temptation.

i am but a man.

i only have one life to live.

me want cookies.

but me also want a waist that i dont need a new zip code for.

me also want to fit into my jeans without having to suck it all in first.

me also want to rip off my tear-away warmup pants preceding intimate moments and produce a different reaction than hilarious guffaws.

my heros are harry caray and charles bukoski. they never counted their calories or ran around hollywood in the middle of the night.

theyre also dead. but when they were alive they Lived.

i wanna live while i am alive. i wanna eat drink and be with mary.

i see the men you women date. they dont all look like that guy in the Ab Blaster commercial.

they look like theyve eaten a few brownies hiding out in a Tostidos bag.

like you, america, i want it all.

how to get more McNuggets for your McMoney

as you know i eat mcdonalds all the time. i eat it less now that my nutritionist can track my every move via my iPhone. but i will have cheerleaders make McRuns for me – usually in the middle of the night.

one thing i have noticed is how much more fast food is costing than in the past.

i remember a day when a $2.99 value meal was commonplace. now its rare. and usually only includes a small pop.

today on Digg, i saw a story that gives those of us who enjoy mcnuggets a way to beat the system!

Depending on where you live, your [four] nuggets cost a buck if you get them on the Dollar Menu. That’s a quarter each. Get 10, and you pay around $4, or 40¢ each. Spring for the whole 20-piece banquet, and the price is more than $7, or 35¢ per bird chunk.

If you really want 20 nuggets (and I must remind you that chickens do not actually produce nuggets in nature), just buy five orders off the Dollar Menu and you can save two bucks. Two bucks! Most of us assume that the larger portion options and set meals are available because they offer economy of scale. Clearly, that’s a Kroc.

read the whole deal here, but make sure you run a few miles after you have digested your McGreasy

went to palms thai with a chinese girl

and we saw elvis. he totally had it taken care of. nice suit with bright blue dress shirt and bright blue matching tie. big glasses and perfect posture. the king was strong in him.

we both ate the soup of some young guy and a dish of pad thai. she didnt eat as much as i did because shes a girl. plus someone slipped me a  brownie at the quiznos earlier.

the plan was to eat pie. isnt it always? drove past the house of pies but the parking was full. palms thai had been crowded too we recalled and tried parking in the post office next door but that was packed too. so we parked a little north of the house of pies in the los feliz neighborhood and walked in the cold wind of april.

why do some folk try to pretend theres no global warming, i asked her.

shes tall, was bundled in an h&m hoodie, just laughed.

some people are loud. she wasnt loud. she had strawberry cheesecake and i had the bavarian banana chocolate creme, cuz im watching my figure. and a small glass of milk. her strawberries were still a little frozen, my everything was killer, particularly the view.

i was very nervous. some people are cool when theyre nervous. i am sometimes, wasnt last night. we then drove over to the rustic. someplace shed never been to even though being a native.

some people order girlie drinks, she had the jack n coke. after spicy thai i favor the baileys. once the drinks began everything mellowed out and was good again. even she opened up a little. in truth im only interesting if youve been drinking.

the night ended quite pleasantly at my house. we watched music videos and i kissed her european style. both cheeks. and then was very dissapointed in Lost. not to mention the fraud that is american idol.