i have the weirdest schedule. last night i didnt go to bed until 5am, only to be awaken by a cuban girl who never really told me what she wanted. now here it is 255am and im not even close to feeling sleepy so im sipping rum and writing things for LAist and listen to my Mellow folder on the itunes which right now is bumping the pixies gigantic and im thinking about you, yes you, the one in the pink.
karisa pinged me at 9pm, by 10pm i had showered and was headed towards her miracle mile rendezvous locale, curiously near the xbi hq. she claimed to be “starving” which was funny because i had just gotten off the phone with my true love in africa who told me about a few of her experiences with truly starving people.
we decided on Swingers, the ultra hip diner on 3rd street near the Grove. the service was horrible, the food was eh, the company was amazing. even in the dark karisa’s a knockout. she plays these games where she tries to get me to check her out but i only have my mind on my money and my money on my mind so i only had eyes for LAist and took pictures of our plates of food so i can review the joint.
but they dont need any love. there it was 10:30p and they were packed. even the outside was full. the waitress never asked us how we liked our shit, never asked if we needed anything else, never asked us if we wanted dessert, never asked us if i was really tony pierce and if my dining companion who wanted the grilled cheese was truly The karisa j hotshit. so she only got a 19 percent tip.
before i left to go to dinner i dissed kobe on LAist which ended up with lots of readers of LAist dissing me. ME!
its been a funny week with me and the readers over there. they obviously dont understand the rules of the game which you kids follow beautifully. and those rules are simple “when tony hits publish post, you tell him how rad he is in the comments.”
several members of the peanut gallery seemed to overlook that rule and told me that my reasoning was indefensible and even vapid. big words i know. but i have a thesaurus around here somewhere. anyways kobe does suck, shaq has another ring, and lookatthat so does Riles. it was a win win for me because the Mavs are my team after the Heat so i was in hog heaven and Cuban will get his if he doesnt go bankrupt with all the fines, but its fine, its fine.
and this mellow mix keeps getting louder. dont people understand that 3:13am means shhhh it means
mmmmmm
it means
.
thats right it means so quiet you can barely hear it.
and tomorrow i have to rule the world again and see if anyone notices.
wonkette noticed + i put a green bud on LAist yesterday + dissed pearl jam today
but not everyone reads all my posts, but karisa rules, which is why if you want to get on my bad side you misspell her name or disrespect her.
when you write from your heart your fastball will move. when you do it repeatedly you will see your style form. if you try to pin your style down you will become predictable and stale and your moving fastball will turn into a gopher ball and you will stand there with your head down as the sucker rounds the bases and your team loses.
in the same way you arent conscious of your own personality, you really shouldnt be concious of your writing style. its something that should be as natural as a throw from short to first. automatic.
the best way to acheive a certain style is to mimic your heroes. im obviously influenced by jd and bukowski and hemingway and ee and william carlos williams. im also influenced by johnny rotten and howard stern and mike royko and raymi the minx. if youre clever you integrate equal parts of all your influences and mix em up real good and pretend that it equals you. if youre not so clever you’ll put far too much of one superstar and leave out the rest.
yesterday, taking in the sights. it was very nice.
karisa: my man, schilling.
karisa: no, but i think he is great.
karisa: 86 years, thank you.
the_busblog: is zimmer still a coach for the yanks?
and im still recovering. $2 drinks on a weeknight are not good things for 110 year old mens.
we broke something so wide open, and all by accident. it is nuts.
ive learned a lot of things in my 109 years. ive just started to learn not to take things personally. that was a tough one. i still do sometimes like when semi-super models pull down my sweatpants and then point and laugh and try to stop themselves but then errupt into uncontrollable laughter as they put their tight sweaters back on and laugh right out the door.
something that was generally discouraged in most of the college classes that i was lucky enough to attend.