who was critical to the early development of this site that you are now reading
the other day she got to meet one of her favorite people of all times
ms gwen stefani from the popular group no doubt
im very happy for her.
i wonder if she will take advantage of the live chat we are doing this afternoon with the celeb she named her lil daughter after, milla jovovich?
Steven Allen Adams: A lot of great bloggers have come and gone. Which blogger do you wish would start blogging again?
there are actually a few who have stopped who i miss. the two on the top of my mind are flagrant and the pants. not only was flagrants style and story totally unique and fascinating but it was so well done it could have been a novel. maybe it will be one day.
likewise the pants was also lyrical and tragic and sad but always funny and in a way hopeful. if she wrote every day, i wouldnt be surprised if she sold many books. whenever she wanted. movie deals too. if yoou havent noticed, hollywoods dying for original stories. hell they’ll even take not so original stories but told in original ways.
also, once the oakparkmastermind got married her deal was done too. i miss her blog as well.
Gage: Form or function? Is there anything to be learned from the Grateful Dead? If money can’t buy love, what can?
function. yes, so much. that community is valuable. that you can be a rock star and do it entirely your way. that theres something unique about live music and a group spirit on the stage in the crowd and even in the parking lot. an incredible baseball card collection.
Ashley: Are you bummed that you missed No Doubt’s tour?
no because i dont think i could go without thinking of you the whole time. which probably would be just as odd as going with you nowadays. plus gwen has clearly sold herself to the devil the way she got back her abs, and ive sworn off devil music until the fall.
Mike: Do you think this is FINALLY the year the Yankees make it back to the promised land? And what would you pay/amputate to see a Yanks/Cubs WS???
when you play in the bronx, anywhere could be considered the promised land, i suppose, but sadly they only moved to the old parking lot. there are very few things i hate worse than the yankees. which is why id rob a bank t go to a cubs yanks world series.
Chris Carnaghi: Have you every heard of your blogging equivalant in the world of finance Barry Ritholtz? If you have not, do check him out and his style. He is blatently honest about Wall St. the Fed Reserve, CEO salaries and Yankee Baseball. Also it seems the Cubs need what the Dodgers need. Middle relief. and Jimmy goes “Business man drink my wine”
the insiders know that the finest financial blogger online right now is tom petruno on the money & co. blog. latimes.com/money. the cubs need short middle and long relief. theyre probably the worst best team in baseball. injuries, f-ups, idiotic slumps by the highest salaried players, and still theyre a game outta first and in the midst of a wild card, if need be. it just tells me that this is the year.
g/d: +-=
*
Ali M: Do you think we’re gonna see commercial space flight in our lifetime? Watching that clip of Top Gear’s James May aboard that U2 spy plane combined with playing Mass Effect, I’m wondering if space exploration is a naturally occurring human obsession, much like a manifest destiny.
delving deep into the mysterious darkness of the unknown, some would say, is the main reason we’re given this dull dough in the first place
xTx: Dearest tony- Could you please write me a story for Elephant Summer? Thanks in advance. p.s. This question was totally my idea, and my idea alone.
id be happy to. your series is wonderful and vulgar and nsfw and creative and unlike most of whats happening in the blogosphere so of course id like to do it but because im under contract with busblog llc i will have to do it under a psuedonom like Heywood Jablome or something clever. but yes. this week. if not sooner.
timmay!!!!!: is john smoltz done?
the minute you start accepting checks from the american league youve begun yr decline. its barry bonds’ sole saving grace.
Vinny: Why does she only want me for my body and not my everything else?
hey man, she can talk with her friends.
Juliette: I saw Julie & Julia and now I want to do something for a year on a blog. But that’s lame, right?
anything that inspires people to blog more, or more generally to express themselves more, is the furthest thing from lame. whats lame is holding things in. whats lame is experiencing super cool things all the time and not sharing them with your brothers and sisters. we’re all reporters in a way. we’re all leaving the ant hill and coming back with a tale on return. and some sugar.
adriel: i asked it on facebook now i’m aksin it here. why do i attract shady people? i’m not shady.
first lets assume the most basic thing: women are usually smarter then men. overall. at the end of the day. in the grand scheme of things. after all the precincts are tallied.
yet most marriages fail.
the only conclusion is that women are saying yes to the wrong men.
its funny because men are the one with nothing up their sleeves. its the women with the makeup and hairdos and fancy clothes and high heels. the man you end up knowing is usually the man you met very early on. therefore women are to blame for thinking something positive could be done with the so called “shady” or “lazy” or “dull” man they find themselves in front of.
write down exactly everything that you want in a fellow and look at it every day. add and subtract from the details as you go along but stick to the plan. put things on the list you dont want too. under the “dont want” section. but take charge.
zona: do these new Polo factory outlet chinos make my butt look big?
omg so much.
4rilla: Amy Adams as Julie Powell… Who as Tony Pierce?
jodie foster.
Matt Welch: Which John Hughes movie should we still care about, and why?
planes trains and automobiles showed that hughes wasnt a one trick pony. that he could write something more than just sappy teen dramedys. he could make a sappy adult dramedy and give some real depth to an otherwise overlooked comedian like john candy. punch drunk love is the planes trains and automobiles that adam sandler wanted but didnt get from pt.
sweaty hermit: congratulations. who (besides chuck b!) of literary history fame do you wish had been a rabid avid (sorry, just liked the way that sounds, say it a few times… mmmm) blogger whose blog was somehow still with us (ignoring all that technology history timeline shit) so we could drool over it on a regular basis? or, less complicatedly, who do you wish blogged at least daily from the great beyond aka the grave aka heaven to you, mr. tony? and congratulations again this time with an exclamation mark!
when hank aaron was a boy he had no aspirations of being a major league baseball player, and especially not the man who would smash babe ruths major league home run record. even as he began playing baseball professionally in the negro leagues he never dreamed of playing in the majors, he was just happy to get paid to play.
but there he was in the middle of the 1950s playing for the Milwaukee Braves. he was skinny, he was black, and he was about to break a lot of racists’ hearts.
i think it would have been pretty amazing if blogging had been around during that part of life so we could read someone like Hanks insights as well as Chuck Berry and James Brown.
monkey: a) once a player always a player? b) favorite female character in a john hughes film?
a) it depends on why the player became a player. lets pretend for a minute youre talking about a man – if he became a player because suddenly he saw that women were saying yes to him, and if he never got over that, then he’ll always be a player. but if he became one because he was merely investigating his options, then all should be well.
b) cousin vicki, had such a dirty look in her eye, she had a shoebox full of weed, and her daddy told her she was the best french kisser. how do you top that? in fact her family gave us all very important context to prevent us from seeing the griswolds as anything other than average and middle class, because cousin vicki’s fam was definitely not.
molly ringwald was cute. but who didnt have molly ringwalds all around them? i wanted a cousin vicki to hang out with. a wish that sorta came true as vicki was played by 30 Rock’s jane krakowski
John Wayne Maioriello: w00t! My Puffy Ami Yumi Pic! describe your fondest highschool memory, and your most loathed.
for some reason we had the states best marching band. the reason was because of our band director mr snoeck who was the first genius i ever met, but the odds of us attracting such a person is odd because there was nothing very unique about our part of the northwest suburbs for the exception of the golf courses at the medinah country club which shared roselle road with us.
i had been on all of these sports teams in high school (baseball, basketball) but i was terrible. so i wanted to do something fun that i might actually be good at. so being part of the states best drumline in the states best marching band was my first taste of giving 100% at something and seeing that reward.
and probably the worst moment in high school was when one day in art class this cute girl started playing footsies with me. such a thing had never even been fantasized about. but there it was. after school i kissed her right before her school bus took her away. the next day there she was playing footsies in art class with me again. but when i looked at jeff wright next to me, he was smiling too. she was using her other foot on him.
me: ashley youre getting married on saturday, is that true?
Ashley: true statement
me: how do you feel now that its just a few days away?
Ashley: excited, but a little nervous just in the way that i want everything to go well
me: what is the one thing youre most worried about at this point?
Ashley: hmm… people having a great time & things to look beautiful i guess!
me: how many daisies will be present?
Ashley: countless
me: who is your best maid?
Ashley: haha maid of honor! anne of course
me: what color dresses are your girls gonna wear?
Ashley: give you one guess
me: black, like your men?
Ashley: no one is wearing black!
me: who is in your princess court?
Ashley: haha where did you get these terms? besides anne, my bridesmaids are angie, clarice, and my sisters all in PINK duh
me: will you have a tiarra?
Ashley: no, flowers in my hair though
me: why no tiarra?
Ashley: i just felt it would be more me to have flowers. and i dont want to overpower my dress, b/c its a bit sparkley
me: sparkly shoes too?
Ashley: very fancy and HIGH L.A.M.B. heels for the ceremony, than cute flipflops for the reception which yes, do have sparkles
me: any other LAMB articles?
Ashley: nope, just the one. maybe L perfume though 🙂
me: band or a dj?
Ashley: dj, with little interaction so they’re not all cheesy & they can’t play typical dj songs like “YMCA”
me: “Shout”?
Ashley: nope. none of those DJ songs, you know the ones
me: what sort of food?
Ashley: salad, pasta, some meat stuff i havent paid much attention to, and instead of a cake, cupcakes! and a bar with 3 jars of pink candy
me: i think i saw some of that in your bridal shower, no?
Ashley: hmm no, there were some tiny jars with candies inside. maybe thats what youre thinking of
me: what songs do you want the dj to play for sure
Ashley: there are too many to list honestly. we made the list before we even got engaged. think alternative, rock dance songs. beck, beastie boys, chemical bros, and of course NO DOUBT & GWEN. so many more. i cant possibly list them
me: which beasties?
Ashley: intergalactic. i listed that just now b/c i knew you would like that
me: tsar?
Ashley: haha no. hahahaha. you are persistent when it comes to them
me: remind the peopel why youre a vegetarian
Ashley: haha seriously? because when i was 12, i started getting grossed out by meat, so i stopped eating it. and the idea of eating it now makes me sick. and i like animals
me: what happened at 12? what did you eat?
Ashley: i had an undercooked burger
me: nice
Ashley: not really. i still remember how it tasted 😛
me: ok, so what wedding gift do you really wanna get?
Ashley: money
me: for what?
Ashley: so i can pay my mortgage next month with no problem
me: mortgage?
Ashley: yeah i live in a house now, where have you been?
me: i guess ive been out of the picture. when did you get a house?
Ashley: i guess your spies are slacking. we moved in almost 2 months ago
me: wow. congratulations
Ashley: thanks! thats why im cleaning so much. people are going to be over here for the first time this weekend
me: is it close to your work?
Ashley: a little bit closer. but i wouldnt want anything very close to my work b/c its in the ghetto
me: so money
Ashley: yeah having a house is so money. hahaha jk
me: so instead of the gift we discussed, would you prefer cash?
Ashley: no, personal gifts are really special. and i would feel really weird getting money from you
me: where are you going for your honeymoon?
Ashley: just taking a little honeymoon to disneyland. actually in july we should be going to mexico. so that will be sorta honeymoonie
me: sounds lovely
Ashley: definitely
me: where are you registered if people wanna give you a gift?
Ashley: well i doubt anyone who doesnt know me would do that! 🙂 but target, pottery barn, and bed bath & beyond, target giftcards are made of awesome too
me: you have lots of fans on the busblog
Ashley: i dont think so! i see the lack of comments your stuff about me gets thats ok
me: theyre just shy. times have changed. people are tired saying right on tony or damn look at ashley
Ashley: i know, most people lurk
me: ok so if people wanna get you something at those places what do they do. i ask cuz ive never done anything like this before. just your full name?
Ashley: actually you can probably find me just by searching ASHLEY BEV in Nevada, or the wedding date, 5/10/08
me: does your new home have a hot tub?
Ashley: actually it has a jacuzzi tub in the master bath. but i havent used it b/c i dont like baths
me: will you soon be getting a dog?
Ashley: no, i love my cat, he is the best pet anyone could ever have, dogs are a little too much work anyway & barking is annoying, i like dogs though. my dad has 2. thats enuogh. i can visit them when i want
me: are you the last of your close friends to get hitched?
Ashley: no, im middle of the road, in my group of high school friends, there are 2 married, 2 not
me: one of the very first times i ever interviewed you on chat, in early 2001, i asked you how old you thought youd be when you would get married. do you remember what you answered?
Ashley: hmm. i bet i guessed 24 or 25
me: i think you said 25
Ashley: i was pretty close! i know you think im 25, but im actually 26
me: so what took you so long?
Ashley: well we were engaged when we were 25, so i wasnt too far off1
me: oh crap, you said 23, http://www.tonypierce.com/last.htm
Ashley: wow seriously??? that was only 4 years away at that point, geez what was i thinking? luckily i never did anything stupid like marry immature boys on the strip! 😉
me: did you meet a bunch there?
Ashley: just one who i would’ve retardedly done that with
me: !
Ashley: i seriously THANK GOD i didnt. seriously
me: speaking of, how did you meet your betrothed?
Ashley: my best friend used to date his best friend. they sometimes brought her over to my house before she drove & i would say “oooh he’s cuuuute!”
me: which best friend?
Ashley: anne 🙂
me: fascinating
Ashley: they are our maid of honor & best man. they are still great friends, so everyone is ok
me: ok well we all wish you the best. and know your wedding will be beautiful
Ashley: thank you kindly
me: any tips you have for wouldbe brides for wedding planning, now that youre almost done?
Ashley: give yourself a lot of time, spread it all out.find vendors who you feel comfortable with & who you know you can depend on. have fun! 🙂 and stay organized and dont be alarmed by slumps of procrastination where you dont feel like dealing with any of it, they pass
me: perfecto. well have fun ashley and if Chip n Dale accosts you at disneyland thats just some busblog spies saying congrats
Ashley: does this conclude this tittilating interview?
me: yep, other than me saying i love you, i always will, and i only wish the best for you. you were so important in my life, and for this blog. and if your dude does anything wrong to you, i’ll break his neck.
today on the busblog i was still trying to break up with a young blonde girl
no doubt is in town so you’d think ashley would be happy but shes not happy unless im with her.
and sometimes i look in the mirror and when i do i dont see anyone who you’d be depressed not to be around.
ashley loves attention and normally i dont mind letting our favorite twenty year old princess steal my eyes away from you, beloved computer screen, but this weekend i had to work on some projects and root on the bears and the raiders, who both won, and clean my apartment, and fight crime, and be stinky, and not shave, and read the good book, and read some bad books, and water the plants, and, you know, be a dude.
im 109 years old and i have never had to tell a girl i needed my space, but this weekend i did. it felt weird. not as weird as telling this one supermodel that i didnt care if we didnt have sex because i cherished our friendship so much, but weird nevertheless.
men are not programmed to say no to good lovin from hot young girls who like to fulfill fantasies, but my plants had the right answer.
they said, tony, if you watered us every day, we would die. we love the water, but it would drown us.
the flowers said, and some of us only bloom when we think we’re going to die, the day to day look of many flowering plants do not include the beautiful colors that we know them for being.
the flowers dont know english too well, please excuse them.
still, i got the point.
but ashley didnt.
she called crying and sobbing and left the saddest messages on my phone. please dont leave any more sad messages on my phone, dear angels of the moonlight.
im a stubbly olde man who walks with a cane who has carpal tunnel and types with a pencil scotched taped to the center of my reading glasses.
my hips are about to go out, my breath is foul, my words are foul, my ways are foul, i lie in my blog, and worst of all, i dont respect the president of the united states of america. i think he’s gross.
surely there must be a handsome young man in orange county who could take care of the daisy princess in ways that she deserves.
but strangely there isnt.
and shes not the only one.
i work with some of the hottest women in showbusiness. educated, intelligent, totally together, gorgeous young women who definately know how to please a man, i am sure, and yet they go out into the wild and come back empty-handed and unsatisfied.
and i think about all of the supercool single men who i would fix them up with, and i think, i dont know any supercool single men to fix them up with.
i mean i do, but these women are looking for different types of men.
perfect ones.
im a good job, two inches, and a vette away from being perfect, but ashley doesnt care. she also doesnt care that im old enough to be her dirty neighbor across the street. she loves me for who i am and tells me all the nice things i want to hear but the only thing i can tell her in return is youre far too good for me. go to the skatepark with a big pizza and a mini skirt.
she only says i dont want to go to any skate park, i want you!
and i want her too, america. of course i do.
but i also want to save the world first. and i want to do the right thing. and i want to figure out how im supposed to have thanksgiving with a vegitarian poolside in orange county and not consider myself a sellout.
these are the biggest dillemas i have this week.
dont ever let me bitch about shit.
two years ago yesterday tsar played their whole album in order + gwen pics by jenny b + stag blog
she was born in 1969.
me and gwen go way back.
most people dont know this, but no doubt struggled for the better part of their early career.
while i was the Arts editor at the daily nexus i got a lot of requests for bands who wanted to be mentioned in our paper.
while i was there bands like toad the wet sprocket got no love because they were on a major label and i was trying to keep it real by only stoking the indie acts. so the dudes from toad came into the office – all of them – and said tony we know, but still, we love you and the nexus, just talk to us for a few minutes and you’ll see…
so i interviewd them and whattya know, they were cool kids. super cool. i told them that i wasnt really into their music and they were all, yeah we understand. at the time i was listening to a lot of janes addiction and nwa. toad didnt really fit into my rotation.
because they were bros we broed them and they got in the paper.
huge mistake.
my phone started ringing off the hook cuz the word was out: tonys a softie.
the good news was i was getting shipments of cds like crazy which i distributed among the writers, but i kept a few for myself and the leftovers made their way to Morninglory Records who were more than happy to give me $4 a disc which they would sell to the students for $7.99. the circle of life was all good.
but the bad news was i had to start answering the phone, “fuck off.” which my momma didnt appreciate no matter how many times i told her the story of toad the wet sprocket.
one day miss gwen stefani came bopping into the office all flatchested and shit asking who was the entertainment editor cuz she had a ska band that we would love.
without even getting up i said
fuck ska.
she was all, excuse me mister?
i went, fuck ska and fuck white people playing ska.
her hair turned red right there in front of us.
she was all but
and i was all look the police ripped off reggae but how many sting/stewart copeland/andy summers’s are there in the world?
she was like, none. popping her gum sadly.
i said, good now leave and dont come back until you play some rock music.
but gwen was all what about madness what about general public what about
i was all i’ll give you madness but gp and all the rest have black people in their bands but still its white stealing from blacks its a horrible cycle that will end in misery for everyone. if you can sing, sing. but quit ripping off the brothas. play rock music like bad brains play rock music like the boredoms play rock music so that the Lord above will look down from the heavens and elbow an angel and say see thats what im talking about.
and she got it and she left and i never heard from her again.
until, true story, until tsar was discovered by gwens best friend
i think her name was debra.
and debra knew some people and they got tsar signed to hollywood records and when i got to meet debra she said that she was a fashion designer who had dressed marilyn manson and no doubt and i was all how did you get with gwen and she was all we jog together and i told her the story and she was all omg ive heard that story!
and fortunately gwen had totally ignored everything that i had said to her because she seems to be doing ok without my brilliant advice.
but because the Lord has a funny sense of humor he tossed ashley into my world, pretty much the number one nd + gwen stefani fan in the universe so not only did i have to eat my words with gwens success, but i had to listen to those records constantly and watch her dress up like the girl who i threw out of the nexus way back when.
which only goes to show you: interview everyone, keep your mouth shut, keep the tape rolling, and when youre in college take pictures of everyone who crosses your path.
coop + amy + jmo + dont link this + delay could get life
nothing in this blog is true.
which of course means some of this blog is true.
its tricky because lets say about once a week you get to make out with a cute little australian girl who bites your neck so hard you feel like a pussy saying ow. and lets say she doesnt understand why you dont want to be committed right now this second, and to be honest you dont understand it yourself either. so lets say that you want to write a little something about her, instead of saying hey i was hang gliding with this hot austrailian girl yesterday and the funniest thing happened, you might say, i was playing footsies with the swedish virgin in her best friends hot tub yesterday during lunch and
you have to mix it up.
the tricky part is when some really funny story gets into your head that is truly fiction and the swedish girl i mean austrailian girl and you are pretty much exclusive, but you want to talk about an entirely different girl, the first thing you have to do is email her and say baby nothing in my shit is true so dont freak out.
its tricky cuz what if you forget to email her and she blows a gasket all over you as youre trying to fly over the 405 in chopper one because some seriously nasty shit is about to go down on the dark side of town.
but whats the trickiest is when you really want to write something but you literally got stabbed in the back and you should not be sitting at the computer you should be resting. because nobody really believes that you work for the xbi and therefore certainly doesnt believe that its possible to get stabbed in the back by some dirty teenage gangmember who doesnt know who the fuck hes stabbing and doesnt know that it isnt a little game that we play in the streets of LA its a job and its mixed with a healthy dose of vengence on our part and a healthier dose of amateurism and ignorance on their part, that if you even squeeze your fist into a ball at an xbi agent you will suffer the agonies of the ancients. and not the refined ones.
so basically if you get stabbed and youre not supposed to type at the computer you just say that you have carpal tunnel and you copy and paste some old shit or you copy and paste something that someone else wrote or you do the week in rock a day early so as to have something up for the kids.
well today is friday and i cant even do a today in rock in la cuz i did it yesterday so instead i will copy and paste something that my favorite baseball analyist aaron gleeman wrote about me today.
when i was younger i was as sick about baseball as aaron is now, except he has taken it to a level that i had only dreampt about, he understands all the newjack stats and because of the interweb he can keep up with minor leaguers and game notes around the league and he absorbs that shit and brings it right back into his blog.
today aaron doles out some links around the blogosphere and says this about me which is great because i really shouldnt be typing today due to my… carpal.
One of the things that discourages me most about the world is when extremely passionate and talented people have major roadblocks thrown in front of their dreams because someone else fails to recognize their unique gifts. This relates to baseball in some ways (remember that whole “Free Johan Santana!” thing?), but in this case I’m talking about one of my favorite non-sports bloggers being denied admission to a writing program at the University of California, Irvine.
It is really sad in general when someone isn’t able to do something they want and deserve to do. But in a case like this, the worst thing is that an amazingly talented person may let some self-doubt creep into their mind simply because someone in a position of power wasn’t able to spot that talent. I am of the opinion that every person who is to become successful at what they dream of doing has to have at least one other person or group of people as a chip on their shoulder once they get there.
In other words, it hurts like hell now, but think about how great it’ll be in 20 years when a wildly successful and famous Tony Pierce can tell his millions of adoring fans about the time he got rejected from U-C Irvine. Everyone will laugh, and he’ll smile. And then when he goes home to his penthouse apartment filled with leggy blondes watching the Lakers on a big-screen plasma TV, he’ll take out that rejection letter from a box somewhere and have a nice, long, motivating look at it.
thanks pallie. win twins. but im sure if i ever make it, that rejection letter will be framed in my den to remind me that i wasnt always all that.
speaking of rejects, today is the 22nd anniversary of the time that cubs manager lee elia told all the fans of chicago that since the cubs played all daygames that anyone who regularily attended cubs games and then “ripped” the manager every time he did something were obviously unemployed losers.
which means that tomorrow will be the 22nd anniversary of the time that me and my buddies todd keef and bob went to wrigley field got bleacher tickets for $3 just so we could tell lee elia what his mommas cooch smelled like, and so on.
so here in all its glory is lee elia:
“Fuck those fuckin’ fans who come out here and say they’re Cub fans that are supposed to be behind you rippin’ every fuckin’ thing you do. I’ll tell you one fuckin’ thing, I hope we get fuckin’ hotter than shit, just to stuff it up them 3,000 fuckin’ people that show up every fuckin’ day, because if they’re the real Chicago fuckin’ fans, they can kiss my fuckin’ ass right downtown and PRINT IT.
“They’re really, really behind you around here… my fuckin’ ass. What the fuck am I supposed to do, go out there and let my fuckin’ players get destroyed every day and be quiet about it? For the fuckin’ nickel-dime people who turn up? The motherfuckers don’t even work. That’s why they’re out at the fuckin’ game. They oughta go out and get a fuckin’ job and find out what it’s like to go out and earn a fuckin’ living. Eighty-five percent of the fuckin’ world is working. The other fifteen percent come out here. A fuckin’ playground for the cocksuckers. Rip them motherfuckers. Rip them fuckin’ cocksuckers like the fuckin’ players. we got guys bustin’ their fuckin’ ass, and them fuckin’ people boo. And that’s the Cubs? My players get around here. I haven’t seen it this fuckin’ year. Everybody associated with this organization have been winners their whole fuckin’ life. Everybody. And the credit is not given in that respect.
“Alright, they don’t show because we’re 5 and 14… and unfortunately, that’s the criteria of them dumb 15 motherfuckin’ percent that come out to day baseball. The other 85 percent are earning a living. I tell you, it’ll take more than a 5 and 12 or 5 and 14 to destroy the makeup of this club. I guarantee you that. There’s some fuckin’ pros out there that wanna win. But you’re stuck in a fuckin’ stigma of the fuckin’ Dodgers and the Phillies and the Cardinals and all that cheap shit. It’s unbelievable. It really is. It’s a disheartening fuckin’ situation that we’re in right now. Anybody who was associated with the Cub organization four or five years ago that came back and sees the multitude of progress that’s been made will understand that if they’re baseball people, that 5 and 14 doesn’t negate all that work. We got 143 fuckin’ games left.
“What I’m tryin’ to say is don’t rip them fuckin’ guys out there. Rip me. If you wanna rip somebody, rip my fuckin’ ass. But don’t rip them fuckin’ guys ’cause they’re givin’ everything they can give. And right now they’re tryin’ to do more than God gave ’em, and that’s why we make the simple mistakes. That’s exactly why.”
the audio of mr elia + aaron gleeman + the hardball times
ashleys favorite person in the world is ms gwen stefani.
meaning that when ashley was dating me we went to hella no doubt concerts.
which isnt so bad, deep down.
if you dont pay too much attention to the music, its not bad. i mean you have gwen up there wearing close to nothing, then you have all these cute young gurls dancing around dressed like her, and then theres ashley orgasming basically during and after each song.
the no doubt fans can be a little obsessive. but nothing is sadder than a dude nd fanatic. those i tried to stay away from. but they knew the angle. it was the same as mine: be there – you will get hugged and kissed by all the chicks who are in ecstacy.
once we saw no doubt for free at this little theatre in westwood. the wadsworth theatre. it was for a taping of a “concert” that they were doing on abc family.
we were as close to the stage as your screen is to you right now.
i was all, gwen looks a little chubby.
i was kidding but she did have a tiny belly.
that was the beginging of the Rock Steady tour.
a year and a half later we were at the long beach arena. one of the last shows of the tour and that cute little ponch was gone.
now, if you ask me, shes a little too skinny.
gwen too.
thus ends the ashley* princess birthday day special three way busblog tribute.
if you read this today ashley i hope you have a happy birthday and i hope this blog will make you smile.
i loved being your boo for all those years.
its been great to watch you grow up both in person and in pictures.
i know you think i hate you and dont think about you and dont want to get with you but none of the above is true.
youre very special to me, even if youre not with me physically.
i called your work today at the state department and told the lady to leave a little post-it on your office door that says tony says happy birthday.
and i called your sister in vegas just incase you were there for the tail end of the porn awards scoring some schwag for me for my birthday.
much love and busblog kisses.
ashley self portrait + god she was young + ashleys photoshop skillz in full effect
we’re going to sort through the nominations.
she said, want me to pick up anything on the way? have you eaten?
i was all, oh man, get a bucket and some mashed potatoes at kfc.
but she hates the smell of kfc so shes about to pick me up so i can go in and get the finest american delicacy next to blonde immigrants.
and today i have to tip my hat to all the americans who have to work today.
thank you.
why is it that im more thankful the day after thanksgiving than on thanksgiving?
but im very grateful that there are people who are all, yeah, sucks, but lets go.
for many years i sold retail electronics and today is the superbowl for commission salespeople.
by now, 2pm, heres hoping that youve already broken crazy records.
on a great day people are waiting for you to help them. on a great day the sales are just one after another. everythings smooth. everythings in stock. everything is perfect for the person and they get it and they pay quick and theyre out.
one day after thanksgiving at sears we had this four head hifi vcr for $288 that paid us 8%. $20 a pop.
at one point it got a little slow, so i took a stack of them off the floor and into the back room and five minutes later i rolled them right next to the big screens and said, “look! i found the last ten!”
and then they were gone.
right now im listening to the new gwen stefani record.
it fluctuates between being a super annoying cd into pretty good.
“Luxurious” is my favorite jam. a ripoff of biggie smalls and dr. dre. the type of song that i expected when i heard that gwen was putting out her first solo record.
this is the sort of slowjam that was so successful when she dueted with eve back in the day.
unfortunately she dabbles far too much in cheesy 80s synth crap and panders to euro and asian pop sensibilities best left in the alley behind the roxbury – not coming from the hottest chick in showbiz.
for the first time ever it makes you really appreciate no doubt records and their goofy guitar player who writes all the songs.
hes painfully missing from this collection.
there are parts of the 80s that were miserable. mrs rossdale found every single one and put a lot of them in “The Real One”.
whats good about the new gwen stefani record is it makes the new u2 record not suck so much.
ray guarrd + flagrant + who said ev could go to europe?
they were really incredible.
about an hour before the show she and i broke up for the tenth and final time. only in my world could you break up with me and then go to a concert, dance close for two hours, and then get taken home and get a nice kiss goodnight and go to sleep alone.
it was a long drive from irvine to hollywood in the wee hours and even though it was nice to borrow chris’s car, i had forgotten how miserable it is to drive at night when you’d rather be sleeping.
somewhere on the 710 freeway my cell phone rang and it was anna calling.
what are you doing? she asked.
being sad, i said.
why are you sad?
cuz i probably wont be with ashley in that superclose way any more.
anna changed the subject real fast like. she hates sad stories.
she told me about this movie she saw at the art house, about how great her thanksgiving was, how much she ate, about how pretty the skies were over miami that night.
when are you going to visit me, tony?
never.
stop that, i’ll send you a plane ticket.
no thanks.
i was thinking how i might have to take a little respite from girls for a little while and just work on reading the good book, or writing some bad books, or something. 2002 i had more than my fair share of amazing women. probably more than in any other year of my life.
and here i am at the tail end of it and what have i learned?
lust is blind.
women are kind.
control is an illusion.
laughing is the best foreplay.
bodies are just bodies, the most important thing is heart.
sex is overrated.
good sex is underrated.
great sex cannot be created, it’s magic sent down from above like a rainstorm when you least expect it.
likewise, true love can’t be found, it creeps up on you like a theif in the night.
anna didnt want to hear any of this because in truth we had never done it.
she did a few things on the phone one night but it might have been my imagination.
ive got a pretty good imagination.
still, i think she was doing something.
that night i said, what are you doing?
she said, nothing.
i said, put the phone down there, i think youre doing something.
she said, shuttup.
last night at the show there were girls of all ages but the prettiest one, next to my date, was ms. gwen stefani who is probably the most beautiful woman to ever take the stage and rock the mic. she was gorgeous and glamorus and naughty and foul mouthed and pretty much everything you could imagine.
if it wasnt for ashley i would have just written off that band as a nothing pop band for kids, but no doubt last night at the long beach arena were intense, excellent, and sexy.
definately magic was happening on that stage.
and this afternoon as my ears were still ringing, i looked at my little polaroid of ashley and touched it and thanked her for turning me on to them.
but shes not happy unless im with her.
and sometimes i look in the mirror and when i do i dont see anyone who you’d be depressed not to be around.
ashley loves attention and normally i dont mind letting our favorite twenty year old princess steal my eyes away from you, beloved computer screen, but this weekend i had to work on some projects and root on the bears and the raiders, who both won, and clean my apartment, and fight crime, and be stinky, and not shave, and read the good book, and read some bad books, and water the plants, and, you know, be a dude.
im 109 years old and i have never had to tell a girl i needed my space, but this weekend i did. it felt weird. not as weird as telling this one supermodel that i didnt care if we didnt have sex because i cherished our friendship so much, but weird nevertheless.
men are not programmed to say no to good lovin from hot young girls who like to fulfill fantasies, but my plants had the right answer.
they said, tony, if you watered us every day, we would die. we love the water, but it would drown us.
the flowers said, and some of us only bloom when we think we’re going to die, the day to day look of many flowering plants do not include the beautiful colors that we know them for being.
the flowers dont know english too well, please excuse them.
still, i got the point.
but ashley didnt.
she called crying and sobbing and left the saddest messages on my phone. please dont leave any more sad messages on my phone, dear angels of the moonlight.
im a stubbly olde man who walks with a cane who has carpal tunnel and types with a pencil scotched taped to the center of my reading glasses.
my hips are about to go out, my breath is foul, my words are foul, my ways are foul, i lie in my blog, and worst of all, i dont respect the president of the united states of america. i think he’s gross.
surely there must be a handsome young man in orange county who could take care of the daisy princess in ways that she deserves.
but strangely there isnt.
and shes not the only one.
i work with some of the hottest women in showbusiness. educated, intelligent, totally together, gorgeous young women who definately know how to please a man, i am sure, and yet they go out into the wild and come back empty-handed and unsatisfied.
and i think about all of the supercool single men who i would fix them up with, and i think, i dont know any supercool single men to fix them up with.
i mean i do, but these women are looking for different types of men.
perfect ones.
im a good job, two inches, and a vette away from being perfect, but ashley doesnt care. she also doesnt care that im old enough to be her dirty neighbor across the street. she loves me for who i am and tells me all the nice things i want to hear but the only thing i can tell her in return is youre far too good for me. go to the skatepark with a big pizza and a mini skirt.
she only says i dont want to go to any skate park, i want you!
and i want her too, america. of course i do.
but i also want to save the world first. and i want to do the right thing. and i want to figure out how im supposed to have thanksgiving with a vegitarian poolside in orange county and not consider myself a sellout.
these are the biggest dillemas i have this week.
dont ever let me bitch about shit.
In other words, it hurts like hell now, but think about how great it’ll be in 20 years when a wildly successful and famous Tony Pierce can tell his millions of adoring fans about the time he got rejected from U-C Irvine. Everyone will laugh, and he’ll smile. And then when he goes home to his penthouse apartment filled with leggy blondes watching the Lakers on a big-screen plasma TV, he’ll take out that rejection letter from a box somewhere and have a nice, long, motivating look at it.