i could always cheat. smart people are the best cheaters.

but i dont wanna cheat. just like how i never cheat in fantasy sports. when you get that stupid silly golden trophy next to your team name you wanna know that you earned it. that you did all the right things.

and then you tell your brothers and sisters what youve learnt.

but if you cheat, whattya gonna say, “so heres how you screw over the people doing it right”?

i may never have a garage with a fridge in the back. and if i do i might be so old i’ll only have pepto bismol and depends in there. but if i ever get it i will be able to invite the mtv cribs crew down and say i did this the old fashioned way

i earned it.

which isnt to say that the cheater way isnt earning it too. theres work to do there as well. namely shady people. and you might say, ah ha, but werent there shady people where you worked at mcdonalds and the tv store? yes. but the people i loved were in places that were not shady. at the record store. at the newspapers. at the radio station. etcetera.

also i have a crazy feeling that in heaven right now is St. Peter eating popcorn on a huge laz-y-boy recliner and theres angels and saints all around him and theyve got me and maybe 100 other dudes going through the Struggle and any time one of them does something super shady out of desperation they all go “awwwww”

and his name gets erased from the Big Board. not that he isnt going to go to heaven, but he let down the boyz. hank aaron and babe ruth’s numbers are amazing because they didn’t cheat. and in hank’s world, just the opposite happened. you know there were some umps that called every damn pitch a strike just to screw him over. but he sat in there and did the right thing. day after day. year after year.

it is so tempting to do the thing, no matter how short term, that isn’t best behavior busblog. but i keep thinking about all those bible stories where people just trusted. no matter how crazy or dire. they hung in there.

dont you wanna be someone who is reliable no matter what?

dont you want, for example, a car, that doesnt break down, even if it’s outta gas, or low on oil, or has crappy tires and it’s raining. it has every reason to just Not be the cool car you always have. but it hangs in there. it muscles through.

i have been a good this, a good that, ive done well on that thing, and so now it looks like the test in front of me is can i make it to this next step without panicking and doing something shameful. just cuz it’s easy. and just cuz it would make me richer than ive ever been.

sunday i read the part in the bible where Jesus was tempted by Satan. he went though that for 40 days straight, without eating anything.

at the end of it Satan said, just turn those rocks into bread loaves and Jesus said

almost got me, but nope.