all my friends are nice

but todays birthday boy jeff solomon might just be the nicest. and there is competition.

solomon, the former bass player of tsar, turns ninety three years old today. congratulations.

just like welch and amy and ben and whalen and dylan don and dan charlie and bonnie jen and czaben and scheer and dougiegyro and jeanine and aj and ali and joel and broome and denis and sandy and everyone, solomon wrote for the college paper with me. we even wrote a few stories together, including this one.

jeff was the county editor with max when i started and during the persian gulf war we were both associate editors.

although he has never been married… yet, i did attend his bachelor party many moons ago in santa barbara where many of us jammed into a porn shop video room and watched a few minutes of big mamma jamma which i highly recommend for any bachelor party.

even though he played in many bands in isla vista, he was never upset when i would say that the wonderfuls were my favorite band, even though he didnt play with the wonderfuls.

after spending time in prague in Whalen a band that didnt include tsar frontman jeff whalen, solomon moved to frisco and joined greg from the wonderfuls to form san franciscos best rock band of the nineties, thee mystakes.

i managed thee mystakes. the only reason that nobody knows that thee mystakes were the best band in frisco at the time was because i was the manager and i was unsuccessfully experimenting with reverse psychology and esp.

during this time i had my own installation business. i would go to peoples homes and hook up their audio/video systems, home theatres, satellite dishes, and computers.

i charged $50 an hour. i advertised through the salesmen at good guys and circuit city and sears. because i had trained every one of them as a rep for philips and webtv and microsoft they all knew me and trusted me. and i gave them a ten percent kickback. being in those stores i learned that the missing link was installation of the items. typically it took a week or two to get installation and rarely was it any good.

so when i found that i was working for microsoft, who i felt didnt need my help, no offense, i quit and sold peanuts at candlestick at night, and hooked up peoples shit in the day.

i had a good thing going until solomon asked if he could work for me.

at the time i had a great relationship with my girlfriend who i lived with, i was watching baseball almost every day, i was driving a brand new explorer, and i was the manager of my favorite band. and strangely all of that made me very lazy.

i was too content.

life wasnt hard enough.

so when solomon offered to split my income in half, at first i saw it as a bad thing, but soon i saw it as the opportunity to get motivated.

part of the laziness that i had before solomon (bs) was that i would turn down small jobs or jobs far away. one of the best things about my company is i would go to sacramento or reno or santa cruz, next day. i’d charge a little more, but i love those towns, why not go there, write off a sweet room, take my girl on a long weekend and meet some cool customers in reno? but bs i pushed those back a few more days than i should have.

when solomon showed up not only did i take those right away, but it was fun because solomon’s the best and it was great to have a second opinion on how to do things. and we got things done faster, especially the wiring, and we discovered something that i hadnt ever noticed before which solomon rectified immediately.

one time while crawling under a house in davis i found myself face to face with a dead rat and i screamed.

we finished the job and as was the norm, returned when the customer realized that they wanted to wire more rooms and give us more of their endless amounts of money and home cooked food and teenage daughters and incredible stories.

so we returned and jeff said that he would crawl under the house and i never had to crawl under that shit again.

we found out that that was the best way to do things because i would be talking to the customers and explaining what we were doing and teaching them how to use their new equipment and calling their salesmen and ordering more stuff for them to get which i would in turn install.

while jeff dealt with the rats.

my hero.

you’d think that would have been enough right there for me to not put up the gayest picture of him that i have.

and it is.

this isnt the gayest picture i have of jeff.

we installed for a nice little run there for awhile. always together. rarely would we do an install without the other person.

some jobs took forever cuz im a dumbass and some jobs took a matter of minutes and we felt guilty for charging our fifty dollar minimum but not only would people pay us, but many times theyd give us fat tips.

and yes they did introduce me to their daughters, who were all beautiful, and rich, and amazed by my handimanliness.

sometimes it would be late and jeff would drive the explorer back to the mission and he’d light up a smoke and we’d listen to the radio and talk and talk and talk.

one day whalen called.

solomon played with greg from the wonderfuls, and whalen was playing with coulter and dan from the wonderfuls.

whalen wanted to know if it would be ok if he asked solomon to join tsar and replace welch who was stealing too much of the limelight.

whalen knew that he was not only breaking up my business, but also my favorite band.

i remembered one of the conversations that solomon and i had had when i asked him what life he would lead if he could do anything.

he said he would travel around playing in a rock band with his friends.

not soon after solomon moved to la i also moved to la and then pretty much everyone moved to la which was great because we have gotten to see tsar from day one, or day two.

jeff solomon is not only responsible for being the secret weapon of every rock group hes in, but he is also the architect and engineer of the home computer that i type this very entry from.

he not only repairs and improves it, but he does it for free, and he does it for all of our friends, all the time. with a smile.

the only way the busblog and could be coming to your asses and the ships at sea from a 400mhz p2 running both win2k and win me is because its totally taken care of by solomon, the lion of judah, the valley’s own, and the only member of tsar who had his own shrine webpage.

one day solomons new band, the corvids, will put out five simultaneous solo albums.

dont be suprised if solomons outsells them all.

ok, be very suprised, but dont be suprised if you play his more than you expected.

22 fillmore + saidy + JaG

dear readers of the busblog,

happy valentines day.

i hope that this day brings you love and happiness and sexiness and smiles. for thats what each of you bring to me every day.

some of you comment. thats nice. some of you write. thats nice. some of you take off your clothes for me and send me the pictures. sometimes thats nice.

some of you have started to write for Lick. that might be the nicest thing of all.

some of you give me money or bid on my auctions or buy my crap. thats unbelieveable.

and then some of you, better still, come over to my house and do some of the most amazing things. thats, well, bizzare. i dont understand any of that one bit. but i love it, and im grateful.

love is all around. and for that im also grateful.

i love living in LA i love living in hollywood i love living near my friends and in the warmth and minutes away from two terribly gorgeous exgirlfriends who continue to love me in ways no one including me can fathom.

i love living in the town that tsar built. punk rock has its own standards of success. no one could refute the sex pistols being successful despite only having one album and one us tour. tsars new record comes out very soon and it’ll be interesting if their label does a better job with hyping that record better than they’re hyping labelmates the polyphonic spree who are also creative and poppy.

i love being able to get away with murder in just about every aspect of my life except my career.

i love the people who i work with and my view of los angeles.

i love that ive been able to make out with the hottest girls in town.

i love that ive been able to pull off this no car thing.

i love the internet and its free porn and music and movies. thank you mr. gore. yes, this does make up for tipper.

i love you dsl i love you direct tv and tivo for you i must thank the Lord above. thank You thank You thank You.

i want to thank the good people of Captain Morgan’s for keeping me stocked up with that spiced shit, i love you all.

i love the wacky kids at Blogger slash Google who made all of this possible. some say the blogging revolution was inevitable and i call bs on that. a Lot of things pre-dated blogging including full blown web sites. but there was something missing in Live Journal and Open Diary and Geocities and aol and message boards and yahoo groups. blogger nailed it, made it easy, were able to handle the periods of success and not implode like whats happening over at friendster. i love what theyve created and im indebted.

i love ebay and paypal and hugh hefner for showing us how its done and i love the ghost of charles bukowski who haunts what is now known as little armenia.

i love herbal remedies, the woman who makes the tom kha kai at palms thai, the old man who tells me dirty jokes in the morning at the xbi gift shop when i get my oj and bagel.

i love howard stern.

i love my true love.

and i love my mom.

happy valentines day america,


raymi + bunny + bunnie + splinkee + tiffany + raspil + mad pony + steph + moxie

tsar played last night

and im still recovering. $2 drinks on a weeknight are not good things for 110 year old mens.

the band was phenominal. there was a man who couldnt stay cool and HAD to dance and i felt his joy.

at one point karisa turned to me and said how amazing it was that tsar is so much better than every band thats out there right now and i agreed and we clinked our budweisers and then ordered kamikazees and shot them and then ordered rolling rocks and drank them and i toook tons of pics

and i hugged moxie

and i got my bald head kissed by many womens and they took pictures kissing my head and i smiled cuz it made me happy inside.

and tsar played and played and moxie told me that Mono Stereo was her favorite tsar tune, but tsar didnt know that so they didnt play it

but they played lots of new songs that were perfect.

i swear this band is going to come to your town and when they do you must go because this is how its done when you know how to do things.

this is the way of the west

this is the future of rock n roll boiled down to the essentials




and pretty melodies

and guitars and drums

and solomon trying to hide out but he cant cuz good shit is good shit and it sticks out like a sore thumb.

i was the luckiest man in the world last night

and when i came home i got on my knees and i gave thanks.

mc brown + moxie has a cute pic of me and her + acccordian guy

didnt sleep so well last night.

started first on the couch, which is pretty normal. then woke up at 4am and went to the bed. i have a freaky life. i dont get it.

on one hand there are people who dont even know me who love me. thats nice freaky. then i have people who know me pretty well who dont like me at all, who want me to be sad. thats creepy freaky. then i have people who know me super super well who love me and will love me forever.

so guess who i think about at 4:20am, the girls who send me pictures who dont know me? the friends ive had forever? the people im dying to meet?

no, i think about the haters.

i think about bush and rush and drudge and incubus.

whats wrong with me.

i see that at 6am im still awake and i think about how much writing i could be doing. something i love.

but i dont do that either, i sit in my bed, electric blanket off to motivate me to get up, and i listen to howard stern and guess who he’s thinking about.


we’re all crazy.

tim blair at this wedding last month came up to me and said that i will be a millionaire in a few years and the crazy thing is i agreed with him. but the crazier thing is i dont care about no million dollars. i care about proving the haters wrong at my low paying job. i care about rock radio playing tsar even though theyre way too good for rock radio.

i care about being liked. even to people who i confront. even to people i dont confront. even to people who no way would ever like me. even to people who have every reason to love me but harden their own heart.

i care about writing well. i care about writing books. and instead of just turning off the tv and the stereo and the phone and writing novels, i go out to fatburger with hotties and get sad when they leave, and then aol chat with strangers and dont write on the blog and dont update the website and dont write the sex novel and dont read and dont study and dont talk to writers about writing.

i lay there and age.


today im going to take the subway to the subway to the bus to the bus and it will all be free because they want to say thank you for your patronage during the strike.

i live in los angeles where one is defined by their vehicle.

i ride the bus.

then i blog about it.

and then i stay up at night and wonder why people dont get me.

appalachia alumni assc. + right over there + britcoal + but is it art

im glad im older.

ive learned a lot of things in my 109 years. ive just started to learn not to take things personally. that was a tough one. i still do sometimes like when semi-super models pull down my sweatpants and then point and laugh and try to stop themselves but then errupt into uncontrollable laughter as they put their tight sweaters back on and laugh right out the door.

ive learned to be more patient. but not all that much. i guess thats the one i need the most help with because life is fragile and time flies and between my reckless bus drivers and my penchant for greasy foods, my days walking this crust are few and far between and while im here i wouldnt mind meeting more people and spreading good will towards men and better will towards women.

speaking of which, last night at the tsar show, a very nice young woman introduced herself to me right in the middle of tsar rocking out. she said, hi, i read your blog all the time. i smiled and said, wow. thanks! then she told me that she had just moved out to LA and i clinked glasses with her but the magic of my favorite band was luring me away from any conversations, sweet as they might be.

anyway, nice young lady, thank you for saying hi to me, im sorry i didnt see you after the set, but i looked for you and then was rushed out the side door to my waiting limo. say hi to me at the next tsar show and i will be sure to buy you a welcome-to-hollywood shot of booze.

where was i? oh yes. major disappointments. i mean lessons. ive learned a lot of lessons over the centuries and one of them is how to deal with disappointments and failures. the hippies may scoff at sports, but if sports teach one thing it’s how to handle defeat.

some blow their stack and make a big sloppy mess after they dont get what they were shooting for, but nobody likes those people and that sort of energy rarely helps you win the next time. me, i prefer to shake hands with everyone afterwards and buy a round of drinks.

when i was younger i might have held a grudge or decided, ever idealistically, that if someone said no to me once that i wouldnt want anything to do with them ever again because they obviously didnt “get” me. ive learned over time that you should never burn a bridge unless its a terrible bridge that might already be on fire. and seriously, how many bridges have you seen lately that are on fire? outside of iraq, not very many.

what else have i learned over the years? always bet on black. never send a woman flowers unless shes your mother. and wear condoms every, single, time.

ive also learned that grammar and spelling are over-rated. always ask for exactly what you want. be super polite at all times. pray every day. be grateful for everything because in an instant it can go away. if some lame ass wants to blog war you, state your case, dont link them, and then move on.

and by all means, never bore your readers. ever.

reward people for reading your shit, and if you cant do it with your words, do it with your links.

my second favorite shirt on my favorite redsox fan + sk smith + popie

tsar came down from the heavens last night in eastern hollywood

tsar live to deliver the good news and layeth the smackdown and they cranked their shit to eleven and pretty much busted the eardrums of anyone within the first fifty rows and i just stood there like heston infront of the burning bush turning grey overnight and i have seen the light and its letters flash t s a r, for the big bad wolf is knocking at your door modern rock alternative radio and he has dyed his hair shit brown and hes coming for whats his and you better give it up or he’ll spin that fckr to twelve.

opening up for the epoxies and the starlight vocal band, tsar did rock and roll a favor last night by being the last minute replacements and sacrificing their good names by accepting the 9:30p chump openers role. didnt matter, they still blew the lights out. they still kicked ass and took names. they still passed the dutchee on the left hand side, wild eyed and crazy like maidens eddie, they still gave us our what for, they still didnt ask for an encore and were pleaded to give one but refused cuz theyre punk rock and powerful and tight like a youknowwhat and meaty like a hamhat.

defying all possible sensibilities and laws of gravity, tsar blasted through their newest material so as to beat it into our collective unconsiousness, hardly taking a break to chew ones curd, the brunette lead singer songwriter flopped around the stage cocksure and righteous pissed at the world for what it hadnt done for it and poised to take what is owed to them so lock up the lockers and lay down the liars cuz justice isnt blind, its bitter and it has a message from another time and it wont be brought to you by budweiser.

despite talking hella shit about weezer back in the day, tsar apparently got hollywood records (disney) to break open the marketing department vault and spend a little money (little being the key word) on some weezer-esque lights (pictured) which may or may not have blown out the stage lights of the sparse spaceland stage and which may or may not have been made on the floor of the tsar practice room with construction paper, spraypaint, and ninety nine cent store lightbulbs.

long live the mouse.

and my ears are still ringing and its almost lunch time. and my hearts still exploding and its months till the cd drops. and if you dont see these masters of the the midway within these next six weeks in hollywood as they get their shit together before going on their world tour then you really dont love rock music. its time to stare into the sun, friends. and this is the music you’ll melt to.

sea of angels + van mega + splinkie