woke up at 6am because it’s been hot as balls.

got a bunch of requests for the airport but i didnt wanna go to the airport but everyones going to the airport at 6am

after a while i ran out of fuck yous so i said fine and took an airport ride

turned out it was two super cool lesbians, one who lived in chicago previously and one who was a great makeup artist.

around lunch i met someone from a notorious middle eastern country who told me not to believe everything i hear about her country.

VERY NEXT RIDE i got someone who worked in a mysterious branch of the government who told me she had lived in that very same country for two years and I SHOULD VERY MUCH BELIEVE EVERYTHING i had heard about that country

it was funny actually.

then my second to last ride was a dude in a Dead tshirt coming out of Canters who now lives in a neighboring country of said middle eastern country who teaches English there with his wife. They each make $50k doing it and renting their 3 BD house there only costs $600 a month.

Great, right? Beer costs $20 a six pack. PBR. and theres no weed, only hash.

he and i had a great conversation.

today i love life very much and i am going to try to forget about a Croatian 30 year old woman i picked up at a fleabag motel who i drove to a Public Storage near Compton who said she was homeless. who might have been plotting to roll me but who knows.

half hour later she tipped me on the app.

what?

i drove for 8 hours.

picked up a lady with a walker

and her husband.

it took forever and it was really hot

so my car runs a little slower when im running the AC

but got them to East LA

to see a doctor

hope alls well

and it was just a check up

some days im burned out. some im depressed at uber.

some im mad. some im beat.

today i went from over by my house, picked up a rich girl who was going to pasadena to chill with her pa then fly to eastern europe

was way out there so i figured how bad could it be, someone will wanna go back to LA.

nope. a chinese kid on summer break from the university of illinois wanted to go to san gabriel for real chinese food. hes from china. been living in champaign urbana for four years. i said youre doing the right thing.

uber has this thing where if you decline too many rides then you cant see where the next request wants to go until you start the ride with them.

i was in that situation in san gabriel. got a ping for a different chinese restaurant. i figured it was some nice old lady who had just had lunch and wanted a ride home.

nope it was an asian kid who spoke no english who wanted to go to chino!

uber has this thing where if it’s 45+ minutes they tell you that no matter how many youve declined so you can decline that if you want.

chino was 44 minutes away. in the opposite direction of LA.

i was so mad. but fortunately it was 1pm. i figured i could get out there really fast and get back to home base without hitting too much traffic.

and along the way i figured id teach this kid rock n roll history.

the metal years.

dio, scorpions, ac/dc, motorhead, maiden, ozzy were all represented. he just nodded his head.

zero english.

as we listened i thought, did this kid work at that restaurant? if so why was he leaving in the middle of the day? did he get food for his pa? i know the food is great over there, but chino doesnt have any good spots? i had so many questions.

at the end of the night i did something illegal.

but the people i did it for were so happy.

and relieved.

and french.

and they gave me $20.

when i got home i saw i forgot i left my whole chicken on the table.

maybe the angels knew it was undercooked

have i told you i love driving uber?

i do.

i think i may have figured out a little trick.

not sure how long it will last, but for now i love it and it has inspired me to drive more.

small problem: any time you have a plan, people, sometimes unknowingly to themselves, get in the way.

suddenly im getting all these little, but great, jobs. AND im learning how to uber/lyft.

murphys law, a beautiful woman is gonna wanna lock me down.

found this place where people make love right out in the grass.

how?

dropped off two passengers there, and their blanket.

it could actually be the beginning of a great horror movie

but

hung out a little with michelle m from the daily n who is now running the show for a non profit news org on the 99

because shes here for a work trip, the work paid for the palms thai, which she liked a lot.

what i liked was i got the leftovers

some of which spilled in the trunk as i ubered after

drove someone who came out of the dear evan harris musical.

its a musical!

it seems like life is a struggle between not giving a shit

and very much giving an incredibly important shit.

and as with most things, the Good Book has advice.

chill.

consider the lilies and the birds and all the things without iphones it sorta says

and 401ks and Hinge accounts

God takes care of all of those creatures

so of course He’s gonna take care of us too.

in fact nowadays the lilies’ biggest threat

is man, ironically.

God’s favorite.

it’s funny that the older ive gotten

the less i worry about what people think

and the more i worry about what God thinks

and even though i have no children

i worry about the planet that i will leave behind for them.

am i fucking it up by driving cars?

do you know how much i love driving?

for five years i would intentionally head into Los Angeles traffic

to pick up stressed out, high powered, sometimes stuck up

movers and shakers of Century City and Beverly Hills

and race them to LAX.

do you know how much i loved doing that?

learning who these people were after 10 minutes?

hearing about every person’s life, family, travel plans, life plans

and sometimes,

the most intimate fears and sadnesses.

i had to stop driving after 3am on weekends

even though the rates were high and the traffic was nil

though more dangerous

because the vibe in the car got dark after 3am.

either it was people who got what they wanted

and were super disappointed.

or did not get what they wanted and were super bummed out.

one guy cried and cried in the back of my car

an actor.

a sweet, young, gay actor from somewheres else who got rejected

and had had a bad day anyway

and was now going home alone a loser.

and i said

i couldnt be more the opposite of you

or your running mascara

but we do share a real love of the arts.

so let me leave you with this

the next time you are playing a role where you have to be

really fucking sad

remember this night.

and what will they do for you

what if your dreams have already come true

what if all of this is second desert.

there are a lot of things i miss very much

near the top of that list is driving uber lyft.

for a little while you could say i was addicted

because in a little way it was competition with drivers on facebook

but in another way it was the greatest paid tour of my city

where i could ask anyone anything about their neighborhood

and they would go on and on and on

pointing along the way.

i drove so much my arms and legs hurt after a while.

i drove so much and had a near perfect rating

not because im an incredible driver

but because when people talk about their neighborhood

theyre talking about themselves

and who doesnt like that?

i did 5,000 rides over 6 years

it was the joy of my life for a little while.

i started this thing on Friday and here it is Monday night and i shoulda had it out sooner but i have something broken in me.

it’s why i think i need a break. a two week break.

its not that im lazy.

andy warhol used to tell lou reed all the time “write a song today. write two.” i can do this. i know i can. everythings a distraction. everythings bad.

the voices dont even know what to say. on this one theyre saying “this is wayyyy too long.” and “uber is gonna sue you!”

both of which are lame.

i cant concentrate.

maybe its the rona.

maybe its me.

but damn i could write about uber all day, who by the way, may be pulling out of CA this week which is why i want to write it before they do it.

then maybe i could do a follow up.

i got an uber select call over in the fairfax district as i was heading home. i was exhausted and just wanted to crawl take a quick shower, drink a pop and fall asleep watching The Sopranos with the first long legged <s>blonde</s> brunette who cared to join me.

But i hadn’t done much Ubering lately so i took the ride. how bad could it be? well when you think that they take you in the wrong direction. which in this case was good and bad because who doesn’t love Westwood.

the dude was on a date, he asked if i wouldnt mind stopping at Whole Foods for flowers, i said no problemo (because that almost always guarantees a tip). at first he was quiet back there, tapping away on his phone. i had Miles Davis playing so i didnt care. WHO CARES ANY MORE?

as we passed the Waldorf i asked him if he had been in there. he said no. i said if this date goes well maybe the next one should take place on the roof. then we started talking about Westwood and how cool it used to be. he is a native Los Angeleno and agreed. and we talked about this old theater and that one and all the cool places young people could go to there. he asked do you know where the Whole Foods is? i said, yea, that used to be a movie theater too! he was all, yes youre right!

got the flowers, got to the girl’s house, she comes waltzing out looking like a million bucks. mama mia. and then i took them to a nearby restaurant. and he tipped me $5, which is great. shoulda been $10 but whatevs.

before i got out of Westwood i got a new ping. two people on the south side of Wilshire. they were going to a Comedy show. we get talking, turns out the lady went to high school with my first california girlfriend so we talk about Malibu and Trancas and la la la la – it was a great trip. they too tip $5 so the total take home for 2 trips was like $70, which is better than i do all day on Birds, plus i dont have to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn.

still did anyways cuz of my ridiculous body clock but who cares the cubs won the world series in 2016. life has lost meaning.