for the last few weekends i’ve locked my phone up

and stayed off of social media.

but this weekend because of the Dodgers, and because part of my job at Los Angeleno is to do the Twitter and the Facebook, i couldn’t just let it rot during this very important weekend

it’s valuable to be part of the city-wide conversation.

but ive gotta tell you, i got so little done.

im working on this little tiny side project which is sucking my time away and i barely got any done this weekend

mostly because if i have that phone on and people are talking nonsense about this topic or that one

i will go in and slap em upside the head.

im not sure how useful this is because who knows it might be a bot im fighting with

and its not even that fulfilling any more because ive been doing it for years

but i will just stare at that stupid thing.

next weekend and the weekend after imma put it away again.

it’s just not worth it.

fun baseball and football game today

bears are 5-1.

worst team ive ever seen go 5-1.

dear nephew, after that devastating bears loss

dear tyler,

what a game that was. what a beautiful and terrible game.

nobody will tell you this because nobody is like your uncle tony. but heres the secret about being a bears fan, that’s different than being a cub fan.

and i can say this because ive been a huge fan of both teams for a very long time. how long? let me just say: i watched bears game on a NEW black & white tv that your grandma bought.

i bet youve never even seen a black n white tv. and for that alone you should be happy.

anyways heres the secret about the bears: they are going to break your heart more often and more painfully than the Cubs ever will.

the thing about the Cubs is they’re the lovable losers. even this season they lost and we loved them. but the Bears, for some reason, always gets our hopes up. they always have players who are so outstanding that you think, oh shit they can and SHOULD win this game.

and they get you right up to the end and they stab you in the heart.

then they get your heart and put it in a pie and put the pie in a box of money, the biggest box youve ever seen, and they give that box of money to jackasses like jay cutler or kickers named cody.

so heres what you need to do. you need to use that feeling inside of you and put it to good use.

i dont know about you, but heres how im feeling: like fucking shit.

but fret not, because shit is in this world for a good reason. you think im kidding but im not. ask your grandma. shit is extremely valuable for growing the most beautiful things in the world. green grass and pretty flowers. in fact the best shit cost money and people seek it out because the better the shit the bigger and more colorful the beauty.

and this is why wrigley field is the most gorgeous place in the world.

so use that shittiness that you feel. use it to make beauty. get your dads keyboards and hook up your headphones to it and play. so many beautiful songs have been based on sadness. i would never lie to you.

either the songs were made from the shittiness of the pianist’s life, or that crappy feeling drove that person to learn to play as a means for escape or a way for them to express themselves other than doing what they really wanted to do like take a giant torch to the entire city and start over.

now uncle tony wasn’t very good at the piano, or the saxaphone or the drums, but when i was in high school we had a dog who died. Chumbi. old Chumbi wasn’t crazy about me and i wasn’t nuts about him neither but when he died i was super sad. so i went down in the basement and i beat the crap out of those drums. for an hour i was the greatest drummer in the world.

and when it was over i learned a valuable lesson. that i should stick to writing.

which is my final bit of unasked for advice. turn that shitty feeling inside into words. if you dont wanna show anyone, fine. fuck em. just write. write and write and write. write truthfully, write a bunch of lies, write a cool combo of the two, but get the poison out. turn it into something that never existed before. use that shit to grow something excellent.

you might suck at first but keep going. everyone sucks at first.

cody the kicker should have practiced more too.

dont grow up and be like him.


i love you very much. next year they’ll break our hearts in new ways. so we got that going for us.

your uncle,


i scream i yell i clap i stand during most bears games

especially if theyre good which they are right now

i don’t own any bears paraphernalia

but i pay hundreds of dollars a year to see them on tv, happily

and i have since i lived in san francisco.

for a while i would only live in places that allowed for a good clear view of the direct tv satellite in the sky

and in the olden times, not everyone let you have a little dish.

amber came home from work around 4pm and i was finishing up with the bible

i said, ok at 5pm im going devote 100% on this game

which is odd because i can get totally distracted in so many other aspects of my day, but if da bears are on tv im locked in, like solid.

and yet the universe often tries to distract me. amber at 530p couldnt find this or that as she was on her way to a fancy dinner with her work friends

finally i said, too many questions, and shut the door.

but i could still hear her high heels clanking on the hard wood floor.

then near the end of the first quarter my mom texted me.

after the half there was a knock on the door.

am i 6850 del playa? no, postmates, im 6848 and 1/16th!

the bears are playing so well nbc moved them from a morning game to a night game, shouldnt you people be watching?

it seems like it’s only me.

a visit to the local mall

skatemy mom and I are at a random mall in the middle of nowhere an hour outside Chicago.

I see a Thrasher tshirt in the window of a skate shop with a demonic goat 666 image on a satanic star.

So naturally I go in because how is this seriously in this suburban Illinois mall?

We start talking to the guy working at the shop.

Curious if there’s any Todd Francis skateboards there, I ask if he has any.

Guy says, “Todd Francis? You mean one of the most famous skateboard designers ever?”

Quickly goes to one of the many racks of decks and instantly finds this one pictured  and says “this guy is a legend. I have his book. You Know him? Wait till I tell my friends!”

So I show him some pics of Todd in college.

Minds blown. (By the way the price of the board was Not $8.25 – it was actually $52.)

So we talk some more, shake hands, talk about skating in Santa Barbara in the 80s, where I was lucky enough to meet and work with Todd and the dudes are seriously impressed.

Here’s the weird thing about Todd. I was impressed by him the very first time I ever met him, I tell them. He was that good even when he was 19-20 years old.

Just as disgusting, just as interesting, just as dark.

But what is hard to see from his art is how funny he is. Sooooo funny in a dry, bitter, sideways way. OK maybe his art is exactly like that too. I was hungry and needed a Portillos dipped beef.

Weirdly I forget to tell him that we were roommates on Folsom Street in Frisco in 1994 and watched the Bronco Chase together. But maybe that would have been overkill. They got it.


then we see a sports store. Cubs Sox Bulls Bears Hawks.

ive been to this store before and remember the guy behind the counter. I remembered him because I always appreciated his wide selection of Cubs stuff.

I am looking at a playoff tshirt and right away he says 20% off!

i say, hold your horses, why dont you see, i might just buy it at full hit? he’s got a thick accent but i catch about every other word.

we get talking and i look around and I notice that even though the NFL season is only in its 2nd week theres very few Bears crap on his racks. Maybe 2-3 racks thats it. More than half the store is Blackhawks and the rest is Cubs. He tells me the Bears have not been selling for the last 5 years.

Also these facts:

Anthony Rizzo jerseys sell more than Kris Bryant

Blackhawks have been steady sales for the last 5 years, winter, fall, summer, spring. But especially around Christmas.

The last time the Bears were in the Super Bowl everything sold out and even the distributor sold out.

And if the Cubs win the World Series he is certain everything in his store will sell out no matter what it is.

Also these very sad facts:

He works 7 days a week, 10 hours a day

No one else works with him.

He has a nephew who works for him 2 weeks a year for his vacation.

If he doesn’t open his store on time he gets fined by the mall.

No way can he close his store for a day because he would get a bigger fine.

Sales at the store over the last 5 years have sunk year after year.

His only saving grace would be the Cubs winning the World Series, and yet he wears a Sox jacket because he thinks he looks better in black than in “purple” (which I assume he meant blue).

Even though the Bulls have signed hometown boy Dwayne Wade, the NBA won’t release anything official until right before the season starts. So no one is really buying any Bulls stuff right now because everyone is preoccupied with the Cubs.

I begged him to hire my mom to work for him two days a week but they both refused to take me seriously.


sexy rexy won the damn game for da bears today

chicago bears fans but you cant go to reuters or AP and find a picture of the former starter who came in late in the second quarter after Brian Greise was forced to leave the game after a curious shoulder injury.

Why are there no pictures of Grossman who won the game with a 59-yard bomb with the bears down by a field goal and only three minutes left to play? because most of the time that sexy was on the fieldy he was on his assy.

soon as dummy got in the game he fumbled the first snap. pro bowl center and he fumbles. welcome back rex. the whole second half most bear fans were belting out their favorite curse word because this morning we woke up with brain greise and there we were unprepared, down, and with rex gross man doing an excellent impersonation of a billy goat on roller skates.

and then someone figured “he only needs to get lucky once” and they threw a bomb and it got there and touchdown and the bears ruined the raiders’ season in oakland, where i shoulda been today.

raider fans right now are hating life

and i dont blame em.

got beat by the worst qb in football.

update: finally

tomorrow’s a big day at the beach house

First at 1:30pm the Bears take on the Philadelphia Eagles. Now a lot of people are starting to believe in the Bears, but if you’re a Bear fan you believe in nothing. Still, I’m going to be very excited. I do think the Bears have what it takes (freaky magic) to beat Donnovan McNabb and the Eagles, but so much depends on the the A-Train, good ole #35 Anthony Thomas. The Bears defense is mighty, but if they can establish a running game, it will be a pleasant afternoon for me and my neighbors on the malibu shore.

at sunset we get the Raiders.

the Raiders are the most talented team in the NFL. they’re also the most schitzo. anything can happen saturday night. if jerry rice starts to feel mortal he might catch 5 touchdowns. if he thinks he has a few more years left in him he might catch nothing but a cold in the winter wonderland of new england. it should be a beautiful game. i love big games when it’s snowing. especially next to a roaring fire in southern california.

i dont thank God enough in this Blog, but Good Lord, thank you for this season. My two favorite teams have marched into the playoffs looking strong, looking good, looking tough and fun and powerful and mighty. and I thank you for that. and I’ll be so thankful if i get to see them play next weekend.


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