believe it or not i was looking for a brownie.

am i pregnant? probably.

im sure men can get random cravings too. but this was severe

typically im a cheapskate and if i want something i can talk my way out of it by saying dude those are so expensive

for example while i was there i strolled past a Tesla dealer.

theyre in the malls y’all.

i have been watching a lot of youtube videos about them, and last month when we ordered a lyft, we got picked up by one.

they seem incredible.

naturally the $35k version gets magically turned into $50k after tax if you want the cool features like Self Driving Mode and Bigg Ass Batterryy

it was dead at the mall so i went in and talked to the nice woman who answered all of my questions

you can tell when people truly know their shit

and those who are faking.

serena was not faking.

she was wearing a mask i was wearing a mask

she said, so can i schedule a test drive for you?

i said absolutely not!

she laughed and said why not

i said cuz then i’ll buy it!

walked past the amazon store and then the apple store

i tried to thank the manager there who helped me the day before the store had to shut down

apple has always been great.

nearly bought a cupcake while looking for brownies

at that cupcake atm

but it looked like it had covid all over the buttons and the drape.

then i met this woman and asked if i could take her picture

nobody says no to a man in a Cubs cap.

yes really

non billionaire thinks if this was a video game
a) we’d have better cars
b) we’d be boning way more often
c) we’d all be dressing like Prince
d) there’d be more fire
e) far fewer people would be starving and walking to get water
f) dinosaurs would roam hawaii
g) we’d read a lot less
h) hockey and Aussie Rules Football would be more popular
i) intellectuals would be murdered more often
j) Fox would be the #1 tv network
k) Playboy playmates would make up half of Congress
l) Farmers Markets wouldnt exist
m) PBS wouldn’t exist
n) hipsters would make better music
o) we’d have jetpacks
p) weed would have been legal decades ago
q) Coldplay would be in jail
r) 9/11 would happen all the time
s) Russia would have more dominance
t) there would be no pollution in China
u) Bo Jackson would still be playing sports
v) radio would be better
w) MTV would have never gone the way of the Dingo
x) MDMA would be legal
y) more babies would end up in zoos
z) freeways would look a lot cooler