people think im a bigger deal than i am

trust me im not that big a deal.

some send cds, some dvds, some send themselves.

they all want to be mentioned in the busblog.

its very nice.

recently someone sent some coupons for a netflix type organization. the nice part about them is that they are the xxx version of netflix. xxxflixxx lets call them.

xxxflixxx has a ginormous catalogue of new and old adult dvds, which is great for a guy like me who enjoys seeing people dressing sexy and talking sexy and being happy, but because ive been busy saving the world the last 78 years i havent been able to watch kid films let alone adult films.

this company has been very generous with what i can order and because they want me to test out their system they tell me that i can order and return anything they want as much as i want.

since i dont know what to order i usually choose by name of the film.

the sopornos caught my eye, but wasnt very good.

an officer and a gentlewhore got my vote, but that too was of poor quality and the actors didnt seem to know their lines.

last night i came home tired and wet from the huge rainstorms that have been beating on our fair city and i saw a dripping wet package at my door.

i opened the familiar dvd case and there it was

75 Nurse Orgy.

how can you lose with such a title?

sadly friends, you can lose.

it wasnt 75 nurses going nuts, it was small groups of 5-7 nurses smiling and laughing and, well, some things were lighted a little too well, some things didnt need to lit at all. and so yes, 12 scenese starring 5-7 “nurses” does add up to 75 but it was cheating.

they even shared uniforms.

in every scene there was a nurse in a pink outfit, one in a blue, two in white, etc. just like in every other scene.

some of these women didnt even look like nurses!

i was very disappointed and returned my dvd first thing this morning.

great concept but my only suggestion for xxxflixxx is that perhaps they can hire a bunch of experts to recommend films. im not sure how they can do it but some of us know nothing about this genre and maybe we can fill out some sort of questionairre and we can — aw forget it, i’ll just go back to chosing films the olde fashioned way – waiting for the girls to get on howard stern and ordering it from who was cool with howard.

im off to get a crown for my tooth. wish me well.

i will return bankrupt but with a fairly new tooth that cost the price of a used car.

betablog + the overflow + sutter

poetry wednesday

pink haired girl

you come to me and how cant i fall in love
pouty lips and complaints
my god the dance
of looks to your toes and back at me
i know my eyes
arent made of bad memories
and still you flinch
i dont even mind the boring brown lipstick look
and powder guck that you seem to adore

and of course i see thru those sunglasses
move your fat ass and quit acting
like your velvet panties i wanna see a girl
not a music box ballerina whose
never been fingered in a backseat valhalla
how long you been in america

fairies are fun but come on
and i wondered what old ladies
who brush their poodles looked like
when they were in art school

bacon whores + buzzmachine + flaming mound of shit extinguished after four months

every year i think, maybe this year

i will seriously cover baseball in the busblog. the national pastime. the reason for everything. what seperates us from the monkeys.

baseball. where two words evoke more hope and good feelings than even “free beer”

pitchers and catchers.

the palm reader said she had good news and bad news for me. i said give me the good.

she said you will have a beautiful girlfriend who will be loyal and bright and openminded and honest and giving and risking and wonderful and cute.

and then she gave me the bad news.

but she will be a veer gin.

i have a swedish palm reader.

but she knew enough about my sensibilities to say, but pitchers and catchers report in a week.

that was several weeks ago and all of her predictions were right.

and tonight i will see rock music with her and today i will consider blogging about the greatest sport of all, and tomorrow i will wake up alone in my bachelor pad without the girl who i call mine

without sammy sosa at ho ho kam park

with a blog that will never be as dynamic and indepth and accurate and revealing and as wonderful as mr gleemans

but not everything is in the cards the palm reader often says and i say youre a palm reader and she says not everything that needs to be seen can be seen in your hand


so she shuffles the deck and i cut it and she spreads out a row of cards, flips one over and then another

and then another

and then sighs

and then she flips over the last card and looks me in the eye and i dont see a smile on her face but i dont see horror in there either.

she reading the cards and me reading her

its a fascinating standoff of bullshit artists trying to read between the lines of lies

scientists with no proper education theorizing theories

she asks for my hand and i give it to her

she holds it palm up

takes my fingers to her upturned nose and inhales

her eyes get big and she says youve cheated on her and i protest

for i havent

she says but but

i say sometimes when i get nervous i like to put my hands in my armpits like this and

she laughs

shes always trying to fake me out and im always trying to freak her out

she says that girl will be a woman before the springtime

i ask before opening day?

she says before they break camp.

and thats how you get a big tip.

xtraxyx + kitty bukkake + tao of poker