when i was younger i would talk hella shit about the xbi because i didnt want to be in there any more and i was hoping it would scare them off me.

it didnt work at first

but now im older and i cant run as fast and theyve got younger kids who are True Believers who will do stupider shit and think waaaay dumber things and go with the flow like Flo Jo

and i have to admit there are parts of the agency that i miss.

mostly the danger.

i think when you get older you see that the danger can give you fun thrills

but so can leaning in on a pretty girl for the first time

tryin to kisser

or negotiating something where you really dont have any more room to budge

or walking down a street you shouldnt be on

or trying a new weapon that could literally explode in your hand

or a new copter that no ones ever tried to do the loop di do with.

whoops, off track again.

or saying hi to a stranger.

or reading a new book.

or adopting cats and you dont even like cats and what if the girls on Tinder think you’re queer if you have cats or a loser or a lonely soul or a commie.

i am a commie but thats neither here nor there, tinder girls.

im someone who will get in a bus and do whatever needs to be done.

but im also none of the above.

i dont feel the comfort of feeling sad.

i dont see the beauty of being bad.

but i do like things better when they are on fire, at the end of the night, when all you can hear is the crackling and the ashes disobey gravity

and float up

and up

and disappear with the light.