got more suits than jacoby got myers

she had stunning pink hair, a wildly colorful dress, and a blue eggshell suitcase

i was picking her up from one of the newer hotels in Hollywood to Rancho Cucamonga at noon on saturday. I would get paid $55 for a drive that would take about an hour and fifteen minutes according to Waze. Def a long ride but if I can gross $45 an hour during a slightly dead period on a weekend (mornings and evenings are way busier than lunch), then I would risk it.

my goal for a shift is $250. so if i can knock out nearly a quarter of that in one trip, lets do it. it’s also nice to get out of LA traffic for a while.
the luggage, though, was a bit of a surprise. Typically you only get people with luggage on airport, train station or bus depot trips, but this is why you should always have an empty trunk, you never know.
her name was Ruth. she was in her late 20s. she was a Beauty influencer who owned her own salon in Indiana. her parents were Seventh Day Advenists and all her siblings were named after biblical characters. they were very strict so any time I asked her about most things on the radio, TV or movies, she asked me what I was talking about.
if she wasn’t so open to learning about all the things she had been shielded from, it would have been a long drive. but we yapped and yapped and yapped.

somehow she taught ME about the Veggie Tales.

“it was bible stories told by vegetables,” she giggled.

“WTF I LOVE BIBLE STORIES!” I yelled through my N95 mask. yes i still wear one.

“No way!” I said. “ask me anything.”

“What’s your favorite story?” she asked suspiciously, as i had just told her about weed stores, a shroom expert I had just had on my podcast, and how there was ether at the first party I went to in Isla Vista.

“strangely, it was the very first story Adam and Eve that got me into the bible because it was so short and so believable, while having elements of being super weird: A Talking Snake with four legs?!?!” i said.

she laughed.

“it was believable because it was so human nature for the humans to pass the blame on someone else instead of taking responsibility. Eve blamed the snake, Adam blamed Eve. And then the vengeful God got pissed,” I said. “A pattern that would repeat all through the Old Testament and through some of the New.”

because she got that i really had read my Good Book she said her favorite Veggie Tale episode was one about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

even though I have been trying my best not to cut people off, I interjected.


“You know that story?” Ruth asked, now very impressed.

“Do you know the Beastie Boys’ song, ‘Shadrach?'” I asked and she said, “pop culture, Tony. I’m still catching up.”

“Siri play Shadrack by the Beastie Boys from Pauls Boutique.” I demanded and turned up the stereo.

From the opening disco beat Ruth was into it.

“Riddle me this, my brother, can you handle it” I sang along with the opening salvo and Ruth got it Instantly. The Beastie Boys were rapping to her soul.

“Well who shall inherit the earth? THE MEEK SHALL! And yo, I think i’m starting to peak now, Al,” the Beasties rapped and Ruth was dying the back seat as we sped down the freeway in the car pool lane.

“Just three MCs and we’re on the go. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego!” They rapped and I turned it down to super cute clapping in the back.
$15.23 tip.