hes a damn genius. his name is duane

ladies, if you live in canada, move to chiliwack and spread rose petals around his casa and bake breads and raise your hems and lower your necklines

duane is a man who is going to create beautiful things and earn handsome rewards

and then he will give them to you

duane is also the man who just moved the busblog off Blogger FTP and onto Google Somethingoranother

all i know is it was a royal pain to blog lately and now its a smooth as a [insert something inappropriately smooth here].

duane is my hero now.

now i will name my second son duane (the first one’s gotta be Angus)

if i only breed daughters i will give them all to him, so that he might understand how pleased i am with all of this.

DUANE FOR SUPREME COURT!

testes, 1, 2, 3

in five minutes i have to go to a very important meeting. then i have two important phone calls. later today i have some important drinking to do. which give this my only time to write inside this important blog.

as the N2O was on my face my dentist sighed that he was sad that i dont write political stuff any more and i was all gahhhhhhghghh and he was all like for example how do you feel about the miss california controversy. and i was like ghahhhh hghghhgh ghhahhaaha.

i wonder what it would be like to perform super intense dentistry while trying to have adult conversations with people flying high on gas who cant really speak clearly to begin with?

my answer after the gas was turned off was, “it was pretty much a no-win situation for the woman. and the question should have been taken with as much seriousness as if she had been asked ‘do you like oranges or apples better?’ judgement should have been reserved for not what her answer was, but how did she answer it.”

which of course was the correct answer, and i was named miss california right there in the dentist chair. donald trump came out and everything.

ok its 2pm, go check out our Comments blog and read all the differing opinions in regards to Wanda Sykes vs Rush Limbaugh, etc.

hopefully they still have nitrous oxide there.

dick prefers rush over colin

bababooey is a ma ma met fan

shes 25.

mary taught me a valueable lesson – always tell the hot babe that you love that you love her. i loved her in freshman year of high school i loved her in sophomore year of high school and when we were juniors and she told me that she was gonna move to california i was all omg i better make a move on her and tell her that i lover or i will never get the chance to do it.

so i took her to a hockey game but a fight broke out and i had to jump on the ice and help my friends and i got a bloody face and i couldnt move my mouth to tell her what i had been sitting on all these years.

so then i took her to a movie but the film was so good that i thought about it as i drover home and when her pa turn on the driveway light she ran inside.

so then the next week i tooker to another film and it was good but not great and as i was driving her home i said a little prayer which ended thusly, “lord if i should make a move on this six foot blonde, please send me a sign” and a cow being carried off by a tornado skipped across us and into the Illinois cornfields so i said “any sign at all” and the play-by-play part of Meatloaf’s “2 outta 3 aint bad” came on, and i said no really any sign and i will do it

and then tom pettys break down played on the radio and i veered over in a ditch and i jumped on her and it was my first non-spin-the-bottle kiss with a girl and it was magical. and for the short period of time that she was still in IL she was my gf.

she moved to california which might be a secret reason why i moved here the day after high school (ya think?) and we lived happily ever after.

not really but lets pretend that thats what went down.

mary is now in san diego with her two beautiful sons, where she has lived for quite a while and we talk once a month and exchange fruit baskets at christmas. the end.

happy birthday mary!

movie stars wanna be singers, but poetry major bloggers wanna be scientists

seems like im always interested in experimenting with things and investigating things and poking things and trying to blow stuff up to see what it smells like.

likewise i am fascinated by things that have no absolutes, no rhyme, no reason, no science at all attached to them. art, music, poetry, and definitely love.

my truest came to town this weekend to go see star trek with me and it was amazing, then we went to see monsters vs aliens yesterday afternoon and it was so not amazing, but the most interesting part was the way i feel when im around her.

i know theres no chance, no hope, no possibility between us any more. i am on her short list of no way – no how in the relationship game. but for some reason my heart couldnt care less. its a lot like pepe le pew. i know shes a lovely cat and im a dirty smelly skunk but my heart only sees rainbows and unicorns and waffles.

and melting butter

and long glorious slowmotion pours of maple syrup from an endless mini-pitcher of sweetness.

wait, where was i?

right, love.

something about this girl makes me get all crazy in side. not crazy enough to do the dishes or clean the house, but crazy enough to want to write a book about the odd phenomenon that she inspires in my heart and gut and large intestine.

yes a book about love.

i said please move to LA and let me examine this nuttiness, let me explore the depths of the one thing that makes this world truly spin at a cockeyed angle, let me discover what no man or woman has been able to answer definitively: the meaning the purpose the rational of the most dangerous and most powerful four letter word around.

and then let me write a big fat book about it that inevitably will get turned into a major motion picture starring that dude from crash and hustle and flow as me, and drew barrymore as you.

and she didnt say yes, america,

but she didnt say no either.

as many of you may have known, Leah has been one of my favorite bloggers ever since she was 15(!), which should be weird enough, but this weekend she delivered Harper Lennon and of course she blogged about it even minutes after it happened.

heres an excerpt of what she wrote this morning:

At 10 PM on Thursday night, a nurse came in to check to see if I’d made any progress. As she walked in, she said that I would either go naturally and deliver the next day or be induced Friday morning. I was upset because I wanted to be induced then but was hoping for some change when she checked. As she uncomfortably investigated what was going on down under, I heard a weird sound- felt a weird feeling- and officially freaked out. The nurse had accidentally broken my water, something that she was trying not to do, and everything changed immediately.

The contractions that I’d been feeling, while not fun, quickly picked up in intensity and time. The nurse said that everything was about to start happening quickly, no induction was neccessary, and basically- let the games begin!

a hearty and warm congratulations to Leah, Taylor, Quiet Company and all of Austin from those of us here on the west coast!

photo by Taylor

loved it.

arclight was packed, grove was packed. but for some reason the manns in glendale was not even close to being packed event though its right a cross the street from the Americana and it has stadium seats and its nice. plenty of seats for the 6:30 show.

and buck parking.

i just got this email alert from The Envelope telling me that the movie had taken in $76 million over the weekend.

i thought, why does that number sound familiar, and i remembered that Trek director JJ Abrams was on Howard Stern the other day and thought that not only would the movie not knock Wolverine out of the #1 spot but that it would probably only make $50 mil. howard totally disagreed and said it would make $79 million.

When asked by Howard how much J.J. would be happy with for Star Trek’s opening weekend take, he threw out the number of $50 million. Howard who admitted is a huge Star Trek fan will be seeing an advance screening of the Trek remake later today and be giving his opinion of it during tomorrow’s show which airs on Sirius radio. Howard also made a box office prediction of his own for Star Trek saying it would knock Wolverine out of the #1 spot and bring in $79 million. It should be noted that Howard also said that he thought Wolverine was a great movie, but had confidence that Star Trek would be the winner for this weekend.

maybe howard has a future in seeing into the future.

with photos from last night’s activities at the $1 beer, $1 dogs, trip to Hollywood Park to celebrate karisas 24th birthday

Keira-Anne: It’s called a birthday because you get just a day – not a week. Not even brides get a week for their wedding. What does your Magic 8 ball have in store for me? I need some good news.

no need to be jealous sweet blonde nymph. and if you havent discovered yet, we do things differently in the lower 48. but have no fear, america’s hat will soon follow suit as soon as neil young puts his stamp of approval on it. your future includes wine women and song. oh wait thats mine. you will get a new bikini.

David: what’s the best reggae track to groove to while watching my pick in the eighth race finish dead last?

reggae is the devils muzak. “one cup of coffee” by bob marley. it was one of his first singles when he was still obsessed with motown.

Mike: What movie do you think will be the best of the summer? Wolverine, Star Trek, Terminator 4, or Transformers 2?

wolverine was horrible. terminator without arnold will be a yawner. although megan fox is the hottest actress on stage or screen as long as shes paired up by Bro Ham who hollywood for some reason is intent on forcing upon us shes doomed. so the answer is Trek + JJ which i will screen this afternoon with my truest.

Sharp: What do you do when your girl’s across an ocean?

suffer as she settles for tony look-a-likes who dont encourage her to do what she does so wonderfully: blog.

vinny: Will the blackhawks beat the canuks??

oh hells yes. i mean, uh, unfortunately yes.

bigg mike: how soon before la times print is dead? what is your favorite strip club? … bar? are you a tata, or ass man? or like stern, a vagina man? will there ever be peace in the middle east?

heres a shocker you should go tell the kids, the la times will last longer in print than the ny times. and you can quote me. the rhino in vegas because you can see lots of stars there and the music is amazing. i am attracted most to a womans heart because thats what gonna be there when everything changes physically. and no thats not a pc copout. its the truth ruth. there will be peace in the mid east when the bible says so

adriel: got a first date tomorrow. what should i NOT do/say? and omg why do the posts i sent from my phone look like that on my blog????

do not tell him that youd secretly rather be on a first date with the busblog. as for how posts look – as long as your revealing your soul, font and size and looks mean nothing. tell us your deepest thoughts and insights. expose yourself emotionally and never cancel and opportunity to get groped in the back seat of a rentacar by a dirty old man from hollywood again 🙂

man7308: hahha.so good. nic to m u. wts ur name ?where r u from?^^

oh hai! i love the chinese who have blogbus.com blogs who get bored with the tyranny and experiment with their urls to see whats up on busblog.com. my name is tony, i live in a shoe. revolt against yr leaders! listen to nirvana! make better rock music! love you!

timmay!!!!!: has wendy mccaw’s hair caught on fire yet?

yes it did, as a matter of fact, and then she fired the fire and now the jesusitsafire is 30% contained. in bed.

zona: Miss California. What’s worse? Secret racy pics or hypocritcal organization that paid for her breast inplants? And what should she do now?

miss usa, miss america, miss universe, etc is a tv show. nothing more. these women dont actually save humanity or bring about world peas. they participate in the most clear version of objectification today. thus if they allow the producers to help them have bigger hair or rosier cheeks, we shouldnt call any of them hypocrites for enhancing the on-screen image in the name of ratings, because there isnt anything hypocritical about that. they are both there for eyeballs. she should now enter a world of alaskan politics as tina fey needs a new jaguar.

Scott T. Sterling: Which pop star has the best “leaked” nekkid pics of the weekend, Rihanna and Cassie? er, that should read “Rihanna OR Cassie.” It’s Friday and I’ve got a case of NBA playoff fever. Speaking of, can the Orlando Magic scoot past Boston to upset the Cavs and represent the East in the Finals this year?

no one can top my fiance rihanna, be it on the stage, in the music videos, or in the leaky LAPD hq. and a nude rihanna only enforces the belief that shes the most beautiful soul singer around making everyone ask cassie who? boston is soft but king james is not. however it all falls on the health of dwight howard, who is a beast when 100%.

Basart: Are the S.B. fires divine retribution for the board of supervisors trying to outlaw parties?

its true the Lord doesnt like it when elderly supes try to fight against gauchos and their right to party, but i blame the fires on — actually yes, its the supes fault.

Jay: Halladay vs Burnett on Tuesday. Does Doc wipe the floor with A.J.?

ive said it before ive said it again. the american league is not even worth the pixels in your monitor. i know you are probably from canada thus the matchup interests you, and im sorry the only NL team you ever had was in montreal, and it got yanked away from you, but i hope all AL teams lose, especially when they play with themselves. ha, i made a funny.

g/d: all this skin, all this wonder
nude photos = art expression, but fit for the fancy?
nude photos = rude, but fit for the dude?

what youre seeing are young women trying to regain some sort of control over their lives and their images. its a fool’s excercise of course because control is an illusion, but its a lot better for themselves than getting knocked up like britney and her sister did.