fuck lent. fuck fucking lent. wanna give something up for lent – give lent up for lent. better yet, give up catholicism forever.

lent isnt in the bible. lent isnt even close to being in the bible. sure there were things that happened for 40 days but those werent 40 literal days those were symbolic.

wannd do something from now until Easter? read the bible. do us all a favor. know what the hell youre doing when you follow bizarre church rituals that have nothing to do with scripture or Jesus’s teachings, or reality, or real faith.

wanna give up something for 40 days? give up being a sheep. give up ritual for ritual sake. give up ignorance. give up bogusness.

the church wants us to give up things because the church wants us to get used to having us listen to them and obey them. meanwhile Jesus said that the ONLY way to the Father is through him. so fuck the fucking pope and his minions who tell you to give shit up even though its not in the good book.

you think they’re not skiing down ice cream mountains and having blowjob competitions in Heaven right now during Lent? would that be Paradise to you?

if you want to give up chocolate or cocaine or pigging out once a week, how about giving it up forever. meanwhile if you feel guilty that you love chocolate or cocaine or all you can eat buffets, quit feeling guilty. if youre not hurting anyone go for it.

this period of time leading up to the celebration of Easter isnt a time for the devil to torture you by convincing you that the things you like should be taken away from you for a month and a half. it should be a time to reflect on the sacrafices that Jesus made so that we could have eternal life. so that we’d have a treasure in Heaven. so we could party.

how on Earth does giving up something for 40 days equate to having a treasure in Heaven? so you can feel what Jesus felt when He suffered for our sins? who the fuck are you to think you know what its like to pay for ALL the sins of mankind? and by not eating mcdonalds for a month and a half you think that gives you a taste of the Messiah’s sufferings? heathen, please.

let me tell you a thing or two about the Lord Jesus Christ when He was on the cross on Good Friday. bro was God and yet He looked up and said to the sky “Why hast Thou forsaken me?” meaning for a split second Jesus was so low that even He lost faith in God, and therefore Himself.

no lack of m&ms for five weeks is going to do that to you. your wrists are being nailed to the cross. your feet dont have a spike through them. youre not wearing a crown of thorns with people staring at you and heckling you as your mother weeps below you and soldiers jab you with swords and feed you vinegar to drink as you are dying in the sun.

lent needs to be shoved up the ass of the church for its a mockery of real suffering. oh im not going to go to taco bell for a month, im a good catholic. oh im not going to watch anal porn for a month, im going to Heaven. oh im not going to eat beef on Friday im better than you. suck it fakers and read the Bible.

but if you really feel the need to give something up, give shit up thats truly toxic. thats truly evil in your life. thats honestly keeping you down. people give up foods that they like or blogs that they read or activities that they love but the good book says its not what goes into your mouth thats rotten its what comes out, and bullshitting people is what needs to stop in this world. talking about shit that has no basis. lent has zero basis in real Christianity. its not in the bible, its not a commandment, its not even a suggestion by Jesus. the namesake of your religion. the man on your crucifix.

quit propigating the lies and fallen ways of old men long since gone whose names werent emmanuelle. and please God if youre going to follow those false traditions do us all a favor and quit calling yourselves Christians because Christ isnt your leader, Popes are. youre Papists, and the most significant thing that the Popes have done over the last 50 years is allow their priests to literally fuck little boys,

meaning if you want to give up something toxic this lent season, give up supporting child molesting organizations whose roots and ways are far from biblical, whose rules are made up, whose policies are sexist and perverted, and whose leaders give shelter to the most vile criminals to walk the earth.

the lie of lent is just another in the long and bizarre parade of neverending bastardizations of the most-read book in the world by the Catholic church. if youre going to turn your back on something for forty days, may i suggest turning your back on the Vatican and all the perverted demons who eminate from there.

theres a reason they used to preach mass in latin with their back turned to their audience. its because they knew if the clergy actually read the entire bible theyd know that the church theyre in is full of shit. give up being full of shit for lent.

guess who thought she could just call me up this afternoon while i was at work and be all sweet to me and think she could get some. guess who got the cold shoulder. guess who has a cold shoulder. guess who thinks shes all that but isnt all that. guess whose secretly all that but i dont want to puff up her ego.

guess who’s not over my house right now. guess whos pouting at the standard sunset right now. guess who isnt doing a boybander and hasnt for a while. guess whos about to be on her period and is horny as hell. guess who called me ten times after i told her never to call me again. guess who was so desperate she left a message that said lets watch lost like in olden times. guess who has never watched lost with me and was clearly confusing me with another.

so guess who just got caught as a cheater.

guess whos looking too skinny. guess who probably is too skinny. guess whos skinny cuz her pretty boy secretly likes prettier boys. guess whos back and slim and shady. guess who doesnt give a fuck because angels fall like rain. guess who just called again.

guess who thinks that hollywood is an open phonebook. guess who thinks shes queen of the sunset strip and guess whos crying now like journey. guess who gonna buy two packs of camel lights and a bottle of some bullshit expensive trendy ass flavored vodka from pink dot. guess whos probably sorry that she ripped up my lust letters and mailed them back to me. guess whos a gemini and changes her mind like twenty times a day and has apologized for ripping them up and never got forgiven because shes not a good girl.

guess whos hot as fuck when shes being a good girl. guess whos not getting fucked when shes a bad girl. guess who learned a new word in english that rhymes with runthole.

guess who knows where i live and still has a key and will probably kill me in my sleep. guess who has already died a thousand deaths and couldnt care less about one more. guess whos indestructable. guess whos snot. guess who has a guess poster of guess who not you on their wall. guess whos posters get ripped from the walls from flailing chicks and guess whos nothing more than a whiny bitch.

guess whos flipping through her pink blackberry, guess whos never heard of mayberry, guess who was warned oh i dont know a gazillion times that black men arent to be fucked with that we do the fucking that no matter how fucking hot you fucking are we know that in the city of angels there are four million fucking people who are worth fucking and fucking half of them are fucking women and fucking half of those are fucking single and half of those are fucking willing and half of those are fucking hot which means theres two hundred and fifty thousand fucking better reasons not to put up with your bullshit

again

especially after talking with a good girl who said tony you can do anything you want i will dress any way you want then i will cook for you then i will let you drive me around my town and i will point at things and tell you stories and then i will show you the home of a young lady ive always wanted to make out with but not by myself but in a threesome and i said sir youre punking me and she said im not a sir, call me, and guess who called her and guess who had a feminine voice and guess who got hung up on in ten seconds because

guess why

because earlier she said but before you ask me to do anything tony i want to pick you up at the airport and i dont want to say anything and i dont want you to say anything i just want to smile and kiss you like weve known each other forever and right there at the airport with all the others i want to like really kiss you and not stop until i can start to feel you next to me if you know what i mean

and guess who knew what she meant and guess whos gonna get anything she wants and guess whos snot.

splinky + riley dog + sutter + case

march 1, 2004

talk to me. tell me your name. i just watched american idol. i wish i was a neilson family. i watched the first two american idol episodes and none after that and today they had the “untalented” show and it was awesome.

i saw my man william hung today and i was cheering along. if he sang at the end of every show id watch it every week.

people seriously need to hire me to tell them these things.

now im watching forever eden which sorta looks like paradise hotel which i loved. we really should thank the japanese for giving us these bizzare reality shows.

thank you japanese people.

ive noticed that im nicer after watching that jesus movie.

i talked on the phone to the 90 year old lady upstairs.

i did pass a legless man in a wheelchair who had fallen asleep in the rain in his chair out on the sidewalk.

didnt really know how to feel about that.

it was in front of a huge church that people dont think is a church but i dont think they pay taxes, so i’ll call them a church. and they have people walking around that church all the time. churchmembers. but it is a pretty busy sidewalk but surely theyd roll the man inside.

it was odd.

theres hospitals all around that church but still.

hollywood has its darkside my friends.

its not all bikini girls palmtrees and coke parties.

sometimes it rains

and youre legless

and youve fallen asleep.

it was dark out there. it coulda been anything. man. woman. other.

im not proud. and that jesus movie did make me feel bad at least, i guess thats a step in the right direction.

i suppose one day i will stop and help

i think it was a guy.

had a nice black cowboy hat on.

no feet.

little stumps sticking out of the pant legs at the knee.

so dark i nearly bumped into it because i thought it was an abandonded cart of some sort.

but it was a wheelchair with a tall black hook coming out of the top.

as to hold an iv at home?

to hold a hat?

i thought if i was that dude i might just end it all out there on sunset blvd drunk

there was an empty bottle of booze behind him a good twenty paces.

house brand vodka it looked.

same stretch of sunset you see at the end of “adaptation.” when the flowers time lapse

id buy a william hung dvd if he’d autograph it for me.

just a girl + smelly + my sexy wifey moxie

: some people are born leaders and winners, and some people are destined to be followers and losers.

now just because youre a follower doesnt make you a loser, but usually if you dont realize youre a follower you end up a loser.

in the soap opera between Howard Stern and CBS chief Les Moonves, it’s obvious who is the leader and who is the loser.

yesterday CBS chose to give Howard Stern more publicity by suing him for talking about Sirius satelite radio for the last year that he was on terrestrial radio. despite the fact that stern ALWAYS talks about his life, and leaving a hugely successful 20-year run in old fashioned radio and one-upping the FCC by escaping to the safe harbor of pay radio is easy fodder for breast beating and back patting, CBS is now pretending that by Stern talking about his life and career was somehow inappropriate and illegal.

if you listened to Stern over the last year you would have heard the battles that he had with the network about his use of the name Sirius (he later refered to them as “eh eh eh”) you would have seen him get suspended for one day a few weeks before his last day because he allegedly talked about Sirius “too much”, but you would have also seen his ratings go up, his ad dollars go up, and Stern being allowed to go on CBS’s “Late Show with David Letterman” to promote his ascension to satelite.

therefore CBS as a whole benefited greatly during the last year that Stern was on the air, primarily talking about his new home, bitching about the restraints on language that CBS was enforcing on him, and saying “goodbye” to his millions of listeners many of whom would not be paying $150 for a new radio and $13 a month for service.

not only was it compelling radio, it was must-hear radio because even on the last day the power struggle between the real leader and the network was being faught with the GM of the station hitting the dump button repeatedly as Howard and his crew gave their farewell speeches to the madding crowds on the streets of new york who had braved the rain and the cold to wish their gangly radio god goodbye.

now that the king of all media is gone CBS finds themselves in dead last in morning radio in LA and, from first to 13th place in new york. the much loved and talented adam corrolla simply could not make the leap from late night sex talk on kroq to morning man jokester on kslx. and david lee roth proved that the millions that he got to sit in stern’s old studios in new york was money down the drain. nobody talks about anything these two do on the radio, meanwhile people keep talking about stern.

and CBS is now only helping that buzz grow in this ridiculous law suit.

just last week stern was sitting back in his chair saying “isnt this great. we havent bitched about the FCC in a week, we havent bitched about management, we havent bitched about being censored, today we’ve been able to just sit and talk with people in an adult manner like regular people. god i love this.”

well, hes really gotta be loving this new development because yes Howard’s mellow adult Sirius shows last week were interesting, nothing is more intense than when Stern has an enemy locked in and fucking with him. he is the king of all controversy and someone better find out of Les has stock in Sirius because all this can do is make Howard more popular, more of an underdog fighting the Man, and more likely to put another victory notch in his microphone.

hey now.

i dont even know why we pretend theres even a chance of it being fair. live in LA for 15 minutes and you will see the disparity between absolute wealth and poverty and you’ll get it that fairness isnt part of this so-called life.

the other day i woke up with my hands on the perfect breasts of a young lady and i thought to myself how did this happen and i said because life isnt fair. the next day i was flying to amsterdam for free and i asked myself how did i get this and i said because life isnt fair. and then i got back to LA and went on with life and throughout the day i asked myself how the fuck did i end up in this or that situation and i knew the answer. it was clear.

buck o’neil is 94 years old and so full of life its not fair. he was born Black in America at a time when Blacks weren’t allowed to play in the “major leagues” so he played in the negro leagues, which many say, at the time, was the better league.

buck o’neil was so good that even though he was batting .355 against the best Black pitchers in the negro leagues, the owner named him to be manager of the team. so he had to play and manage. but Buck didnt care. he knew life wasnt fair. and he knew it wasnt fair that some people had to work in factories or on farms and there he was “having” to play baseball and “manage” freewheelers like Satchel Paige and Josh Gibson.

because life isnt fair Major League Baseball decided to form a committe to vote on 39 negro league players coaches and owners for acceptance into the Hall of Fame. it was a simple yes or no vote for all 39, meaning all 39 could get in if enough people voted yes for each of them.

17 were voted in but because life isnt fair Buck O’Neil wasnt one of them, despite being one of the top 10 negro league players of all time, despite being major league baseball’s first Black coach, despite being one of the most talented scouts in baseball helping the Cubs discover and sign hall of famers Ernie Banks, Billy Williams, and even Sammy Sosa.

Buck O’Neil is so intertwined with the Negro Leagues that he helped build the Negro League Baseball Museum in Kansas City where he delivered these words on Monday when it was announced that he would not be placed in the Hall.

“God’s been good to me, You can see that, can’t you? It didn’t happen. They didn’t think Buck was good enough to be in the Hall of Fame. That’s the way they thought about it and that’s the way it is, so we’re going to live with that. Now, if I’m a hall-of-famer for you, that’s all right with me. Just keep loving old Buck.

“Don’t shed any tears ’cause I’m not going to the Hall of Fame.

“You think about this. Here I am, the grandson of a slave. And here the whole world was excited about whether I was going into the Hall of Fame or not. We’ve come a long ways. Before, we never even thought about anything like that. America, you’ve really grown and you’re still growing.”

baseball historian Matt Welch calls O’Neil a saint and I couldnt think of a better word. in a week where the Sex Pistols told the rock n roll Hall of Fame that it was a piss stain unworthy of the punk band, O’Neil is the polar opposite. hes the gold standard of class.

Cuban infielder for the crosstown White Sox, Minnie Minosa, the only other living Negro League hopeful also didn’t get enough votes to get in the hall, despite being a 7-time mlb all-star and the only major leaguer to play in five decades. Orlando Cepeda once wrote “Minnie is to Latin players what Jackie Robinson is to black players.”

So which gold standard people of color made it into the Hall instead of Buck and Minnie? Well, among the 17 who were ushered in during this special election to honor negro league stars to make up for life not being fair – were two whites!

Keith Oberman described it perfectly in his blog:

Snubbing Minoso and O’Neill — apparently for all time — is extraordinary enough. But only baseball could make it worse. In honoring the Negro Leagues — it managed to exclude O’Neill and Minoso — but did elect two white people.

James Leslie Wilkinson was the founder of those Kansas City Monarchs — Jackie Robinson’s team before he broke the color barrier with the Brooklyn Dodgers. Wilkinson was a white businessman. And today’s election also made a Hall of Famer out of Effa Manley… She was the owner of the Newark Eagles of the Negro American League. It sounds almost impossible to believe — but she too was white — married to a black man — and she pretended to be — as the term was, then, “passed” — as a light-skinned black.

Most of the 17 electees yesterday were entirely deserving. Such legendary figures as Sol White and Biz Mackey and Jose Mendez will achieve in death and in the Hall of Fame something they were denied in life. Just to twist the knife a little further into Buck O’Neil, the special committee elected Alex Pompez, owner of the New York Cubans team… Also an organized crime figure… Part of the mob of the infamous ’30s gangster Dutch Schultz… Indicted in this country and Mexico for racketeering.

so crime pays, faking being Black pays, but truly being Black and truly carrying the flag for negro league baseball gets you diddly in regards to the baseball hall of fame, which still refuses to allow even a vote to see if the game’s greatest hitter can be inducted.

its starting to look like theres another piss stain next to the rock n roll hall of fame, it’s called Cooperstown.

tony quickly before black history month ends one legitmate question/comment:

Do you think acknowledging Jackie Robinson’s inclusion into MLB downgrades the real afro-american that broke the colour line: Jack Johnson?

When JJ won the Heavy weight title boxing was a WORLD sport and widely recognised as the most important prize in sport (I still believe it is today given it’s indivdual effort)- more importantly he faced greater resistance and the win litterally sparked riots across the country.

SO before we wrap up this month I’d like to toss my useless hat into the ring and contest that JJ broke the colour line – not the very honourable, but overblown accomplishment, of JR.

Dear Pitt,

i understand where you’re coming from. however, Black men have been beating the fuck out of white men from day one. it’s one reason racists dont want equality between the races, because in a fair competition, like that of two men in the square circle, the Black man will usually prevail.

so is a boxing match between a Black man and a white man where the Black wins some sort of tipping point? hell no. especially in comparison to Jackie Robinson’s acheivement.

Jackie wasnt allowed to fight back. he wasnt allowed to even talk shit back to all the naysayers and racists who were hating on him.

he had to suck it up, take it, and prove it on the field, in the basepaths, and at the plate.

and he had to do this year after year after year.

give most Black men 12 three-minute rounds with their worst adversary and they’d gladly beat the shit out of the figurative and literal epitome of their torment for an hour and call it a night.

jackie robinson went years as an all-star on the field before he was allowed by Branch Rickey to tell a heckler, an opposing player, or a racist repoter to go fuck himself.

to me that restraint superceeds athleticism or even courage, and ascends into heroism because it was unparrelled in the history of sport.

no disrespect to jack johnson but on any given day im sure they could have rounded up any number of Black men who could have beaten the crap out of whatever great white hope was being paraded around as the champion of the world, but there are very few men of any race who could have done what jackie robinson did which is why his number was rightfully retired from every team in major league baseball, not just the dodgers.

pitt + neil + ureshiidesu + chad

Hey Tony,

I know you’re not dear Abby or anything but as a sexy guy who tells it like it is (within the guise of ‘everything here is untrue’) I’m hoping you could help a girl out…

My friend with benefits is into the nurse fantasy thing. I wanna surprise him with sexy things to say / do without asking him what he’d like. Besides examining him and maybe asking him to say ‘aww’ or strapping him to the bed with rubbber tubing I’m sort of at a loss of things to do besides our regular hot sex stuff. Does this nurse thing do anything for ya? And what would you want if it was you being surprised?

Feel free to ignore this/delete this comment if you’re put off by my request. And sorry if that is the case. I promise I won’t ask anything like this again.

PS: Love the blog & welcome back from Europe

– Suddenly a tad more shy

Dear Suddenly,

you’re right im not dear abby, shes got a deeper voice.

yes the nurse thing works for me. men are visual beasts so pretty much any costume or outfit will do the trick as long as its accompanied by stockings + lingerie + uncomfortable shoes.

so make sure you have all of those and the hat and the gloves and the accessories. but also know that there are other senses that men will respond to.

while in amsterdam i got to spend a little time with a woman who was a runner up for miss holland. to kid her i called her miss amsterdam. she didnt win the contest because she was a little too punk rock. meaning she loved to dye her hair different colors, she had some well hidden but superhot tattoos, and she liked to practice lets say alternative hobbies.

but what i will always remember the most is the smell of her hair. as silly as that is. something about the dye in her locks was totally different than the au natural hippie chicks ive been getting down with here in LA. maybe she had just had it done, maybe they didnt wash it out right, whatever it was i will always remember it.

which isnt to say that sweet aromas wont work, of course they will. perfumes, lotions, fragrances of all sorts will stay in your mans mind if you do it right.

then theres our ears. music is the food of the gods so rock on. have something new on the jukebox. something smooth, but something that you can move to. in the seduction theres a rhythm, a beat. when you have a beat you can improvise on it, you can hold the note for two beats, you can move quicker along the page, you can pause a beat. people talk shit about eurodisco but miss amsterdam kept that shit on the beat, till she got flipped over.

yes nurses do it for me but im more into the plaid skirt outfit or stewardess or upperclass bitch or cheerleader vibe. nurses make me nervous because where theres a nurse being sweet to me theres a doctor around the corner waiting to shove his finger up my ass. your boy doesnt seem to have these issues, but if he did you might want to introduce a second nurse to calm his nerves.

back to the ears. what to say? say everything. but when you say it whisper it. dont try to say things sexy. just say it. say it a little pissed off if you want.

“sick again, huh?”

even with a friend with benefits, when youre in bed you need to practice communicating. so say whats in your mind. say whats in your heart. say whats in the dirty part of your heart. and dont forget to lie and tell him how big it is.

once upon a time i dated a famous tennis star. she loved the nurse thing because she was always injured and the only way she could deal with the endless time in the hospital was to fantasize. and let me tell you, this girl loved to role play.

one day i came home and she was waiting for me. she was sitting on my chair. my fucking chair. but as soon as i got in she hopped up and said “mr pierce you werent supposed to leave your room! im so glad you came back! please lets get you undressed so i can see if your fever has grown worse!”

and she undressed me and she put me in a hospital gown (which are super easy to find) and laid me in my bed. because she was rich and had lots of time on her hands she had the greatest accessories. first she took my temperature. i thought it was gay but it turned her on. if i touched her she slapped my hand away and said mr pierce! the fun is to see how long you can not touch each other. dont ever forget that.

so she reached into her bag and she said your temperature is very bad, we might have to operate. fantasies dont need to make sense. she said i will give you the anestesia. and she dipped into her bag and pulled out a can of whipped cream, put the top in my mouth and pressed gently on the tip so as to only let the nitrous escape.

then she licked some of the cream off the top while looking at me.

on the beat.

then she put her hand on my head and said i was still burning up, that i needed some more anestesia. because she was slightly insane i was totally expecting a shot of demorol or something bizzarre but she rolled me a joint as we had just passed the medical marijuana bill here in cali. this actually did mellow me out and she was ready to prepare me for the operation.

which began with a striptease and ended with her wearing only garters shoes and her little hat.

at which point i jumped her, knocked over the stereo, and rewarded her for her creativity and generosity.

shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you want to

thought mechanics pieces + yesterday’s buzzblog + wil in exile + top photo via laist

you really need to stop ignoring me.

like don knotts im a zillion years old and i dont have that many dance moves left in me but the ones ive got are far better than what i know youre holding out for and you might ask how i know and trust me, i know.

ive been around the block a few times baby and the last time i was around the block you were there and if memory serves you were the one who was all shit its tony pierce and correct me if im wrong but i lived up to the hype.

im not going to be around forever and im not going to be sending you emails every 7-10 days and im not going to write blog posts all the time to your ass and im not going to sit here and watch the wheels go round and round waiting for you to realize that your boy is humming good charlotte and im whispering the ghost in you, and if you think im gonna do this forever you need to get it that angels

fall

like rain.

miss amsterdam was an angel, just a girl is an angel, miss amsterdams roommate is a devil and thats fun sometimes and the worst thing a boy can do is say hes not too proud to beg and the second worst thing is to look like hes beggin. i aint beggin. im looking at this situation and im trying to make the best of it. in a past life i was a doctor in the xbi. and sometimes if a bullet hits a superagent and he walks around with it like a stud and it gets infected what you have to do is cut the crap around it, clean the wound and allow nature to run its course.

ignoring me is fighting nature and fighting nature is pretending that theres nothing eating away in you, pretending that theres nothing unclean in you, faking that there isnt a better way other than the same old same old.

i wrote you an email and you didnt respond and i hate that. we had a beautiful time at boardwalk in venice beach and you know it. i promised not to take pictures or write about it so your brother wouldnt find out and if this is how you repay a man who’s lived up to his side of the bargain, well, thats not really acting like the angel i know you can be.

im getting bored even thinking about it.

write me back or return my hat cuz i know you have it.

even if i barfed in it, even if i sexxed in it, even if didnt do anything but take a load off and watched tv in it.

every room has a personality and a quirk and even though right now its sharing new memories with its new guest, i hope it remembers some of the things that i brought to it while i stayed there.

sometimes when i travel i want to travel forever. the success of walking around a large semi circle and then back to the hotel brings a cocky confidence that makes me believe i could do this anywhere. but then trying to say a square’s name to the tram conductor brings me right back to earth as i remember that i can barely speak english, im no world traveller.

and then i pop out of the LAX baggage claim and im hit with the mild temperatures of the city of angels and i drive my car and i wonder who has turned the heat up but the heat isnt on, im wearing a flannel and a jacket and then i remember im not in europe any more, im back in lala land where a man only needs one or the other in the winter, a jacket or a flannel, but not both.

and then i take that first long shower. hot shower. hot shower with a mix cd spinning for a girl who doesnt even wanna think about you. and i think about all the dead ends in this town and i wonder why i just dont try to figure out a way to just keep on moving and traveling and writing and taking some pictures. there are far worse people who get paid for that sort of thing.

and then i turn on my tivo and i say im so comfortable here, how can i leave. and the phone rings and the door bells and the emails pour in, and people know im back and its nice. its really nice. its like they noticed i wasnt here. its like they could tell that my third favorite city was handed to me on a silver platter and i ate it all up and licked the thing clean.

people took pictures of me in compromising positions. people wrote blog posts about how nice it was to meet me. people wrote emails with even more private photos and even though the detroit free press thinks that blogs have reached their peak lemme tell you something, i just got treated like a fucking rockstar because of blogging and im talking about more than just an airplane trip and a room, and my alexa number isnt worth shit, as if alexa means shit.

if andy warhol had been around during blogging he would have upped his number regarding fame by at least a half hour because you dont ever have to get on tv to have people laugh at your dumb jokes and thats not really the definition of fame but its what we’ll work with right now because my jokes are not always funny but on the road everyone laughs.

and the girls on the road are always better than you dream about. paige wrote last week that she thinks about sex when shes bored and when i was in college i never thought id meet miss amsterdam let alone touch her. and i never thought any black girls would get on an hour long train ride to meet me, let alone a young man who looks like tom cruise’s brother.

a dude wrote me from england saying that he was going to spend the night across channel so he could meet me and i told him to save his money, that i wasnt worth it. but people dont leave disappointed.

it sorta makes me wish id barfed on a boat for them so they could have had something to tell their friends about.

but dont worry pallies. tony pierce will be back in your town again. and he will try to kiss as many pretty girls as you throw in front of him. and he will drink down all your beers and dance at your bad music. but please dont take offense if he dont smoke your weed mixed with xyz. which doesnt mean he might not get sick next to your canal. it just might be at 3am instead of 2am.

i dont understand this life that i have. it isnt bad. its very weird. its like after years of saying, why is that asshole able to go off and do that instead of me, suddenly im the asshole. which is why i never forget how it used to be, which is why i try so much harder to earn whatever this is that im getting.

bad cops in FLA + so sweet it made me weep + me and JaG’s chest