well, i was born a poor black child

while in high school i went to iowa to check out a college, i was poisoned by a group of undercover miscreants

collectively called the xbi

who convinced me to move to california and join them.

at first their intentions were good, but as time passed it became obvious to me that they werent who they claimed to be and i left

but you never truly leave the xbi.

in order to lure me back into their good graces they have attempted to bribe me with lavish gifts, beautiful women, and delicious tacos

in a way, this blog is an accounting of the lovely, but immoral things that they have done to and for me so that i would some day return and fly their black helicopter, chopper one. the one thing i really miss. a lot.

who am i? im the same as you, a temporary visitor to this mortal coil, skateboarding on the tightrope over clever and stupid, dreaming of a time when one doesnt introduce themselves by elegant words that could never fit on a business card, but instead hold up a lotus bloom and esp everything

on saturdays i drive for lyft

i am confident because i have been doing this for as long as the world wide web

pretty much

has been around.

i was in atwater village in 94 for the northridge quake and then soon after i was transferred to san francisco

it was there that marc brown turned me on to the web and immediately he and all of my daily nexus friends realized what a beautiful canvas it could be to those of us who had things to say

by late 1996 i was being paid real money, including a company car, to sell a box called WebTV which put the internet on your TV.

not only did i sell it as a manufacturers rep, but i taught salespeople at sears, good guys, circuit city, walmart and other places how to sell it. in many cases i was showing mangers and their customers what the internet was

and why they would want to see it on their television.

ever since then, i have been paid money to either get people to go to websites and blogs or get people to follow my employers on social media.

i am good at it for a number of reasons starting with the fact that i love the internet, i love people, and i love researching how people do things and what they like.

the biggest disadvantage that some of my peers have is they try to apply what THEY like and project that on the audience.

unfortunately the online audience is extremely disloyal and will run away if their needs are not met.

this doesnt mean that you have to sell out on your values to maintain a community. but it means that if you do not listen, react and anticipate what your audience wants, then you will not have much of an audience as time goes on.

the best way to see what your community wants is to click on their names and see what they’re posting, figure out who their “friends” are, and study what those people have done that attracted them to their accounts.

currently i have worked with a community for 4.5 years. every day except sundays i study the people who like our stuff.

why wouldn’t i?

you’re right, tastes change all the time. it does seem daunting to have to adjust all the time. but any athlete can tell you that champions are made by the adjustments they make to their gameplan — sometimes as it happens.

the only way Peyton Manning can make a smart audible is by studying what the defense has done in the recent and not-so-recent past, and identify what they are probably going to do on that play, and then AT THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE call a new play that would best work against what he thinks the defense is lined up to do.

adjustments.

there are only a handful of social channels that really matter. it isn’t that difficult to study all of them all the time if it is your job and you love your job.

but if you are extra, like i am, you might even take on a second job, like driving an uber, where you can literally talk to strangers all night about instagram, snapchat, twitter and facebook and ask them how they use it and what they like and what they dont like.

sure its a tiny sample size but after thousands and thousands of rides all around LA you will start to see patterns.

it’s in those patterns that you can begin to see trends that you can capitalize on.

and when you try something along those lines… and it works

and it works year after year after year

and when you see your followers rise 100% and 400% and 4,000%, you tend to gain confidence.

especially if you have been involved in the arena since the game began.

which i have

and i am so grateful.

now go help flint get some clean water.

even though im a born again Christian who believes in Heaven

i think the best way to approach Earth is this is the only time we are going to live here

and we should accept who it is that we are and of course try to constantly make improvements

but at the end of the day love who we are.

for example, if i was born a 1976 Sedan De Ville, i could work on the suspension, upgrade the stereo, paint it, and always use premium gasoline

but i will never be a pickup truck.

i would be a cadillac and i should be ok with that.

i was born a tony pierce from chicago

there are very few models like me

and this one doesnt work for everyone and thats fine but in actuality we only come in contact with maybe a few hundred people or so

and most people are relatively cool, so if i am cool with them — IF they are not cool with me, that’s not really my problem because im not gonna turn into a truck even if what they want is a truck, im a caddy, and a nice one, and you can hate me if you want but one thing you will never be able to say about me is i was full of shit, which to me is one of the worst things you could say

which brings us to the question at hand

we are all unique, weird strands of dna wearing pants and running around a planet that is spinning in space

and in a blink of an eye we are going to die.

you might appease the anxiety in your head by doing an imitation of a human being for the second that you’re here

but im gonna be me

and then peace.

i sincerely invite you to do the same.

something that you wouldnt probably believe is i am extremely shy

i know i know i know that in real life you might see me out with this one or that one

but if you notice carefully i dont go to parties, i am never out dancing, i dont wear fancy clothes, i dont go to bars,

and the only time i throw parties is when i ran LAist some 10 years ago.

if i won that $420 million lottery jackpot i would be totally content in a nice warm log cabin in the middle of Oregon instead of a penthouse in NYC

i love people, but the reason i do Uber and put on this outward persona is because i know i need to work at it. i want to get over it.

because not-so deep down i know i would be America’s happiest hermit if i could be.

the other day Amber had two days off in a row and i was all what did you do

and she said NOTHING! and she seemed like she was saying it like she was a loser or something and i was all, baby no way. not leaving the house is one of my favorite activities.

im glad i was thrown into door to door sales as a kid via Cubs Scouts and Marching Band, im glad i worked at a record store as a teen, and im glad i got to sell on commission while getting through junior college because all of those experiences helped me quiet the voice in my brain that was constantly saying things like

omg youre weird, see how different you are from everyone, how are you gonna relate to this person, cant you see this couple hates you, why are you even talking!

i always did poorly in school so that didnt help the voices. i didn’t have much luck with girls until college which also didn’t help. and in truth i AM different than your average person

which UCSB namely the College of Creative Studies and the world famous Daily Nexus helped me see was a pro not a con. but the old voice in the head has a way of adapting and thinking up new crud to bombard you with.

but to me the best way to silence the haters is to jump head first into whatever that fear is.

feel like you wont be accepted by people: talk to as many people as you can, challenge WHY you need to be accepted so badly, and finally stop making everything about yourself and start helping others on their paths.

i still play the lotteries every week and if i won i would probably buy a big house in the middle of nowhere and do some traveling, but deep down all i want is a nice water bed, a few cold cokes in the fridge and a giant tv with incredible sound.

dear jean,

you can’t.

there’s not even a lot we can do.

all we can do is our own thing and live as pure as we can.

keeping in mind others are trying to make it happen too.

and everyone has a different goal.

hidden goals.

my goal right now is to make a spiritual miracle from these words.

my goal is for the Good Lord to hear my 1, 2, 3 and say

fine, tony, fine.

my goal is for my 1, 2, 3 to be real and good and as selfless as can be

my goal is for peace.

the right kind of la la la. the good kind. you know it when you see it.

sometimes i will see it and i will say

oh, right. yes! YES!

because i had given up on it.

because i thought it had fluttered away to either nowhere, or into the hands of darkness.

but there it is sometimes

right on the tip of yr tongue.

so here it is for you.