I ever told you that I hate doctors, like as in a lot?

10am app’t today – just to see if my AIDS test says I have AIDS. Nurse tells me that if i get in there at 945 i will get out fast. 945, im there. 10, doc isnt there. 1030 doc isnt there and the waiting room is getting full. 11 doc shows up. He says, I’m healthy as a bull – a healthy one. So I say, doc, my back is killing me – which is sorta true. Let me have some Vicodins. He says, those are a narcotic and you dont want to risk it, heres something else and writes me a prescription. Says that if they dont do the trick then he’ll get me Vicodin. Since he doesn’t tell me how to close-caption, I dont tell him what pills to dispense.

Get to work at noon. Rode my bike. It’s hot out. Bad idea. Fax my prescription to the Ralph’s so I dont have to wait my whole lunch break for their asses. Follow up with a call verifying that fax made it the two blocks. It did. Arrive at Ralphs and the lady says “need doctor aproval.” I say, isnt that what the prescription is for? She says, “no, inusrance company. this verrrry expensive medicine.” I say, so I’ll be back at the end of the day, then, ok? she says, “no, take three four day” I nearly cried right there in the Ralphs. I ask her if she can call the doc and have him prescribe me Vicodin since it’s not on the “approve-first list” she says, “oh no, that good medicine, go see Doctor, ask for sample. Get a handful.

Little does she know that my doctor is a practicing Satanist and refuses to be open at a reasonable time when I can visit him.

Or does she?

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