over on matt welch’s site

a character named “franklin” wonders:

So Tony is taking posts from his weblog and turning them into a book? One would think a creative genius of his calibre would be able to come up with some new material… there are a lot of things to spend my money on, why spend on something that’s free online?

fair question.

but before i begin, please let me tell my friends that they will be getting the books for free. so quit paypalling me because i just found out how to refund your asses. if you want you can buy one at the discounted rate if you are buying it for a friend or a family member, but if youre just getting one for yourself and youre my friend, it’s on the house. it’s my christmas gift to you. just give me your address so i know where to send it.

what constitutes a friend? good question. a friend is someone whose phone number i have on my phone list. a friend knows where i live. a friend knows how devistatingly handsome i truly look in real life and only laughs at these photos of me on the web.

a friend either went to school with me or worked with me or got me out of hot water with the law or jammed in a band with me or repelled half dome with me or set me up with some super fly bitches back in the day.

k, now, franklin. you should buy this book because what i write here cannot be read when youre on the can, it cannot be read in a bus, it cannot be read on a plane or a train or in the backseat of a car as youre driving up the 5 to visit your ex-girlfriends parents over thanksgiving. thats why they make books.

also a book made of past blog enteries looks differnet on the page, it reads much more as a story, it has a different feel. you can wrap it up and give it as a gift. you can put it on a shelf and refer to it.

why do people buy the dvds of their favorite films? why dont they just remember what they saw? why dont they just wait for it to get on hbo or wait for it to get on abc?

yes i will be putting new stuff in there, and poems and pictures and commentary, but the bulk of the book are the old posts in different order than you might expect, for example there will be a whole chapter just on the conversations between me and ms. anna kournikova. some never before seen.

you should also get it because lots of columnists compile their columns and turn it into books. why punish the man who has organized his words on computer?

instead you should reward the lad who has brought you all this great joy.

or franklin, if you really see no value in it at all, but you’re grateful for my daily deeds, just flow the funds and write in the message area, “donate my book to a local senior citizen’s center or battered woman’s shelter in my name.” and i will.

but mostly you should be getting this book because it will be autographed from me to you and that’s definately worth ten bucks plus shipping.

so act now.

reverse cowgirl

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