sometimes they try to double team you

and the ref calls a “t” on you for throwing elbows and taunting and talking about peoples mothers.

and you dont know what language theyre speaking. and the cheerleaders might be cheering for you but youre not sure and then you hear your name but its not for the right reasons.

and you look up at the scoreboard and you threw down 30 points and grabbed 11 boards and everything should be so great.

should be.

ll cool j was in the office yesterday and he asked for me so i came out and he shook my hand.

he’s bigger than you think and his entourage is even bigger.

all fly skimmies were trying to feel the beat drop

and he said damn dog i have so much to ask you

i said tell me about working out, youve got a wife, four kids, a childrens book, a movie, a cd, so why are you working out?

and he said, when you’re building your muscles they tear slightly and they repair themselves and they grow. and to me thats symbolic of the spiritual climb that you write about so much, tony.

the girls cooed and held out cds to sign.

and, ll said, the results of that struggle arent so bad.

hopped into chopper one, totally forgetting to ask for a cd, turned off the radio took off my helmet and flew across the city of angels just doing laps around the wessside.

wishing i was anywhere else.

anyone else.

and not so alone.

youre breaking my heart the feminine voice of chopper one said sarcastically.

i tried to ignore it but how do you ignore a sarcastic computer?

the lights flashed in unison and then in trippy patterns and the steering column retracted into the control deck and the secret black copter had taken over.

she warned me that pussies were for the sunlit windowsills of lonely old ladies and nosedived straight down towards zuma trying to make me sick

then she pulled up flying up into the sun.

and then sharply to the east back at malibu

and then down into the canyon and then back up



above anything bad she told me.

only thing bad up here is us.

and we’re bad


so shape up motherfucker else i get some fratboy to fly me.

and the steering column unlocked and extended into my lap

and the lights went back to normal

so i put on my helmet, turned on the radio

and made my way back to headquarters who are starting to see that every day is going to be a new day.

as it should.

the comedian

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