tony pierce

tiger woods?

thats right, bitch, large and in charge, signing my name for whitey in hawaii. how you livin’ g?

this isnt tiger woods.

sho nuff m’ schnizzle. who else it’d be?

“who else it’d be?” tiger woods doesnt speak ebonics.

i know i know. im sorry tony, i thought you’d like it better if i “kept it real.” you dont talk about me much and im dying for your attention.

so you figured you’d try to speak in ebonics?

well, i see that you print the lyrics of missy elliott and eminem and nelly and nwa, and i figured that was one of the only ways that i could make it on your page.

wrong again, stanford grad. in fact the best way to get your swill mug on the bus blog is to be requested by a loyal reader. i forget who always asks for you, but when she does she asks nicely and often.

word up!

i dont know tiger, in theory i should really love you and get behind you but theres something about you that rubs me the wrong way.

is it my asian mom?

no. i think shes sweet. i like it that she takes pictures of you with a thirty dollar 35mm camera even though any one of the dozens of pro photographers would just give her a picture.

is it my crazy pops? he so crazy.

nope. hell, seeing how much money you make, your dad is the smartest man in america.

yeah i get by…. making those ends.

get by? dude, you played in a total bs non pga event last weekend in japan and let the homeboy win, you placed a pathetic 8th and you still got a check written out to you for $49,673.

who told you that?

xbi, bizitch.

i keep forgetting.


d’oh. i mean, shit, bitch, why those negroes gotta be all up in my business like that. exposing a player for just living as he should: pimped out, and stylin, yo.

whatever tiger. $50k for a weekend is pocket change for you. you havent had that bad of a payday since the british open in july when you tied for 21st and only made $37,925.

damn g, why you gotta bring that shit up?

because i work my ass off and i wont make $37,925 this entire year!

nice buzzkill, tony.

f you.

jealous or something? no one said you couldnt pick up a golf club when you were a kid and get on merv griffin.

tiger, whatever. i dont care. im happy for you. if it wasnt you raking it all in, it would be some fratboy from texas. its all good.

one love, my homie. ungh.

for kicks though, how has your year been?

decent, i won bay hill got $720k; won the masters three weeks later, mil; won the us open; mil; then the buick open; half mil; then won the american express; another mil.

so about 4-5 millin in winnings this year?

more like 7-8.

still doing that swedish babe?

which one? huh, yeah player, yeah!

holy shit, tiger, is that fuzzy zoeller?

where? where tony? hey where did you go tony? hey. hmmm. wait a plum second! wheres my wallet!!!!?

kate sullivan

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