this morning i woke up with my body

saying it wanted to poop, but nothing would come out as i read my magazines on the can.

so i went back to bed. only to wake up a few minutes later.

it took four visits to do what it took.

that will teach me for eating oreos all night with junior college students.

seroiusly, i think i ate an entire bag over the evening. that much will turn your poop black. jet black. try it.

when i made it to my front door around noon there was a Playboy bobblehead next to my favorite plant. and next to the bobblehead (it was Kendra) was the september 2006 edition autographed by all three of Heff’s girlfriends.

what a great day.

then i opened my email and my buddy Chris told me he wanted to take me to the Laker game tonight and show off his new seats which are way closer to the court than they used to be.

and then i got an email from a troubled young lady who wrote to say she wants to vacation with me in march but i had to shoo her away because in march i will be in austin for sxsw and im not much of a gentleman in austin during that event. i get drunk, i get aggressive, i eat and drink and excess to excess.

its not pretty.

today i also got an email from the department of defense asking me to help distribute the video above to distract the nation while we prepare to invade iran.

i was high so i said k

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