door slammer girl made a dramatic return last night

of course it was right in the middle of the laker game.

i was all, hi game 4. she was like, what did you call me? i was uh youre not game 4? she was like, ummm?

i said, cuz for like Everyone in los angeles and boston right now the only thing in the world is whats appearing on that tv right behind you.

she was like, i was wondering why traffic was so light coming over here.

then i said, so you knew you were coming over here and you didnt call first?

she was all, i wanted to surprise you! and she smiled.

cheerleaders, i’ll tell ya.

i was ok you surprised me. how about dont surprise me any more. how about i might actually work for the xbi still and i could be cleaning my gun or be expecting bad guys to be coming over, or i dont know a million of things.

she responded with that super annoying oooooooo kaaaaaaay, like i was the crazy one.

she sat down. folded her arms and her legs. i unpaused the tivo. it was awkward. i offered her a beer. she didnt want a beer. diet dr pepper? nope. water? nope.

then what do you want?

i wanna hang out with you tony!

i was all, baby, the lakers are hanging out with me. and the celtics. then i have to work on this new blog. then i have to get some sleep cuz im pretty sure im gonna meet a big wig from my company tomorrow.

she was like, wait, is this, are you, are you like MAD at me or something?

if you saw her legs you wouldnt be mad at shit.

i saw her legs.

and even though pouty demanding attention loving girls are sorta hot. for some reason the lakers were trying to make the game more interesting than it needed to be. but this chick had slammed my door. so i tolder that if she was gonna hang out with me she had to lose that behavior.

wait, behavior? she asked and twirled her hair.

yeah baby, im a sensitive poet and my door is even more sensitive. you cant slam it or it wont let you in next time.

and in less than an hour the lakers had blown the game and drama queen was slamming a door again, completely forgetting what we had just agreed on.

this time it was the back door.

how did she know that door doesnt mind being slammed?

wait, im not real sure that came out right.

Impolite Club billboards via

john mccain cant work a computer, schoolgirl restaurants

a unicorn discovered, and other oddities

– is it weirder that mccain admitted that he cant use a computer and needs his wife to do what millions of people can do effortlessly, or that this information just came out despite being released a long time ago?

– did you know metallica is going to play bonnaroo? do people really even go to bonnaroo? regardless, esquire has five funny and scary reasons why the metal gods will destroy the tennessee festival. no not destroy as in kick ass, but destroy as in ruin it forever.

– buddhas are taking the accessory world by storm. buddhists not so thrilled.

– im pretty sure JaG is saying that she misses me and wants me. feelings mutual, baby.

– things are tough all over: lehman bros take a $3 billion quarterly loss, fire CFO, COO

– conservative federal judge in obscenity trial caught by the LA Times storing porn on the interwebs. what sorta porn? oh trannies, half dressed men next to animals, and women painted like cows.

– deer with a horn on its head is more than just horny, could be a unicorn

– gay marriages could inject $684 million in the california economy over the next three years, thereby saving the state. now where’s your hate, cockblockers?

– in some local restaurants here in LA you can be served by asian women dressed as french maids, school girls, or a waitress dressed like a cave woman. yes, hollywood, asian Theme Restaurants have come to the southland. and guess which local paper has a photo gallery, video, and an enlightening story?

– dr. drews mtv “celebrity rehab” show will have a season 2 starring a series of 80s stars, namely a guns n roses drummer, video vixen tawny kitaen, and rodney king(!), and if thats not enough how about jeff from taxi for an encore and gary busey to steal all the scenes.

– i think i know the brains behind the CNN headline tshirt, if thats the case, congrats, rockstar, the NYT fell for your brilliance!

– 11 great beerfests in the West. and yes, BC, you are represented.

– stripper shortage in Ontario? Suzie looks like you might have to unretire those clear heels

– did you know that President Bush was accused of High Crimes and Misdemeanors on the floor of Congress for four hours this week?

yep. and bro is forcing a vote on articles of impeachment. and look, it has a wikipedia page.

– prettiest picture from last night in the whole wide world was here.