Author Archives: tony

life is full of disappointments, what can you do

Posted on by
Reply

Jesus said repent

but thats such an old school word, people rarely use it any more

but they should

it means to feel or express sincere regret or remorse about one’s wrongdoing

the keyword is sincere.

i have done some fucked up shitty things in my half century on this crust.

i am sincerely uptight about them.

a few of them hurt me to my core.

if i ever saw a shrink, those few would come out in the first few meetings because they are in my head all the time.

and i am so sorry about them. it is so out of my character. it is not me.

i have seen people exhibit the worst parts of their makeup and the good book describes it as being inhabited by demons.

which again is an old school concept but one that i think should be taken seriously.

when one is inhabited, we dont strike out at the person but at the demons. and what are demons? souls that have lost their way. Milton says Satan was someone who couldn’t make a heaven of hell, so has decided to make a hell out of heaven. and tell me that that isn’t whats going on when someone we like or love starts acting a fool or saying some fucked up nonsense.

or worse: doing terrible things.

there was a time i wanted to be a judge but over time i see how complicated life is. not everything is good or bad, right or wrong. imagine someone does a rolling stop at a stop sign, are they truly criminals? were lives really in danger? but the law says sit there for a few beats. those beats are important we have decided. so what should be done to the rolling not-really stoppers?

i say it depends.

i say in most things we should be saying that shit depends on other shit, therefore, lets hear whats going on.

but heres the thing about the Lord. he doesnt need any trial. he doesnt need for you to dress up and comb your hair and pay a sweet talking lawyer to figure out the loopholes into this or that

the Lord can see your heart.

for a while i thought i could see hearts too, but either i was just lucky in the past or that gift has moved on to others.

these days i just assume the best and when bad appears i try to make due.

maybe there are other paths, i honestly don’t know.

we’re through the looking glass people.

we just have to trust in the Big Fella in the sky.

which might be what we shoulda been doing all along.

heres the things i dont like about getting older

Posted on by
Reply

i hate almost all new music

i’m bored of so many things

no matter how little i eat, my belly still clings to me

i get tired easily

ladies dont wink at me as much as they used to

blogging has all but died

my ESP is fading away

im hate regular tv, terrestrial radio, and oyster bars

i am less and less tolerant of people who hate the poor

im probably going to hell.

 

went to see Kanye’s gospel hour again, this time with amber

Posted on by
Reply

all weekend i was checking the prices on stub hub because i knew it wasn’t going to be sold out and i knew there were speculators out there and even Ticketmassah started selling floor seats for $40 so i knew there were gonna be some deep discounts as the hours approached showtime

and sure enough after amber was done at the fairfax flea market, i picked her up, checked the web and nabbed two tickets for $47 total.

they were supposed to be up in the rafters but it was pretty easy to get into some lower level good seats as the whole place was at half capacity.

amber was as amazed as i had been. theres something about hearing all of those voices singing so loudly. also whoever is behind the scenes mixing it does a great job. is a powerfully beautiful thing happening there.

kanye changed up a lot of things. he replaced the cheesy white preacher with a older black minister from georgia. the frocks were now blue instead of white, and the entire set list changed.

it went on for two hours and that was more than enough for amber. which is fine. we walked the mile or so to our car, drove around the hood looking for the Popeyes chicken sandwich which had made it’s triumphant return. went to a few stores, huge lines.

then as we were on speaker phone with mom we saw that the one on Western and MLK wasn’t bad. a half hour later there was a chicken sandwich in my belly. and a half hour later my stomach had completed its journey.

when that, and the two jack in the box tacos, the only food id ingested all day, exited my body felt incredible.

and that, my friends, is why blogging is dead.

ps when amber went to the bathroom at the popeyes a homeless guy had just been in there smoking crack and when she came to the table to report this to me, i asked, did you inhale real good? cuz thats a free high.

and the ladies next to us laughed.

on the way home we listened to Bob Dylan’s Saved and compared and contrasted the bard’s born-again phase with Ye’s and they are surprisingly similar. the difference is Kanye’s is full blown while Dylan’s is not nearly as immersive in its entirety.

bears lost.

i went to a climate strike protest rally yesterday

Posted on by
Reply

i learned a lot. mostly that we are in good hands. also, those hands wont have a chance to save us if we dont save us first.

then i learned about this japanese grocery store in DTLA that has really good pre-made sushi for cheap.

we watched little kids annoy pigeons with their toy helicopters

we watched a couple of gay guys have a romantic lunch sharing a beer and feeding edamame to each other.

then we went to the movies and saw a really good biopic about Harriet Tubman

i wish it was better. something was missing. maybe the cinematography? i cant put my finger on it.

theres fires burning all around us. proof that sprawl hasn’t completely done its dirty work.

theres still wilderness, which is nice, but now its charred, for many reasons.

a couple of recycling places caught fire, hard to believe that just naturally occurred.

i wonder about God, when he looks down on us, does he cry sometimes?

like can he just not help to?

then today around noon, a 15 minute rain shower just happened out of the blue.

and i was all, me too, angels.

moi aussi.

amber wanted to go to the movies so we went to the movies

Posted on by
Reply

traffic was bad, issues occurred, it was crowded, but the thing was i was comfortable

why?

because i was dressed up as a guy in his pajamas and robe and slippers who was with a sexy lady.

amber was the sexy lady.

she had a slinky dress, clear heels, and this fuzz faux fur i got her in vegas.

we went to universal city walk because amber suspected that people would be dressed up there

and she was right.

and there were kids, some of whom did not speak english or who were scared of me

because i also smelled like i had gotten high in the car upon entering the joint

which may or may not be extremely true

we were early so we had time to stroll about and we passed this michael myers guy

and then the super cheesy angel wings that have been all around the city for years now

so of course they have one at this tourist trap

and i saw michael was just roaming around so i circled back

and asked him if he would pose for a picture

he grunted. walked over to it. waited his turn. and click.

and when i asked him if he wanted me to text him a copy

he just fist bumped me.

and they were haggard

rough

and

then he was gone into the shadows.

 

i wrote a thing about the thing i went to yesterday

Posted on by
Reply

i love that i can talk to my boss and say omg i just saw a great show should i write about it?

and she says yes yes

but because my life is crazy i wasnt able to write it until the dawns early light.

but i do because i know i was gonna be super busy today

and when it’s published,  my mom says, omg it was like i was there.

which is something nice that moms say, but here is the video of the show

https://youtu.be/HIAz_FU8xho

anyways today i got a ticket from a bad cop

and i told him he was a bad cop

so he increased the seriousness of the ticket

which is what a bad cop would do

and i cannot wait to fight the ticket

even though people never win these types of fights

but i want to fight, i dont care.

im pissed

you shouldnt ticket people for ticky tack things like “rolling stops” when you’re trying to get your girl to the hospital.

and you say you believe that. but you give the ticket anyways

and then the bonus punishment for saying he’s bad.

but whatever, when i die, people will say, tony kept it real.

facts.

 

this has been a rough year

Posted on by
Reply

i never know if people are trying to make me fail or are just slow or if The Powers That Be just dont care

so i get impatient

and then out of the blue something beautiful like Los Angeleno shows up and it’s so nice

and sweet and wonderful, all the things anyone could hope for

and i go SEE, SEE, this is how is should BE!

but then all the other things are insane, as usual.

for example, our dear friend Jeanine is drunk and fell in her bathroom and needed stitches.

fortunately another dear friend just happened to be there with her.

ambulance came, she got to the hospital, the nurses were “impressed” with how high her blood alcohol levels were

and then a few hours later they released her.

if your booze levels are sooooo high, why not keep her there a day or two? why not ask, hey can we help her get checked into a rehab?

instead they’re all, heres the stitches, adios.

also, her insurance totally worked for them, but hours previously when we tried to get her into a rehab, they said the insurance wasn’t valid.

then there were people who wouldnt answer phones.

then there were facilities that don’t do things on the weekends or after 7pm.

im sorry, youre in the business of saving people’s lives. why do you think that only should happen monday thru friday and up to a certain hour?

which i guess brings us back to God.

He’s the only one who’s all, I got this. 24/7.

even Jesus was all, oh a sick person, lemme heal them.

and the critics were like AH HA! It’s Sunday. The Sabbath. You are the Devil if you “work” on Sunday.

and Jesus was all, check yrself, fool.

Mark 3:1-6 Revised Standard Version (RSV)

The Man with a Withered Hand

3 Again he entered the synagogue, and a man was there who had a withered hand. 2 And they watched him, to see whether he would heal him on the sabbath, so that they might accuse him. 3 And he said to the man who had the withered hand, “Come here.” 4 And he said to them, “Is it lawful on the sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or to kill?” But they were silent. 5 And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored. 6 The Pharisees went out, and immediately held counsel with the Hero′di-ans against him, how to destroy him.

if you are in the business to heal people.

then knock it off with this monday thru friday nonsense.

people need help all the time.

i hate everything about this American health care system that we have.

canada is so lucky it’s so cold up there, if it wasn’t we would have all moved there by now.

53 years ago tonight

Posted on by
Reply

my mom did the nicest thing anyones ever done

she went through excruciating pain to bring me into this world

when the doctor presented me

he told her, congratulations,

you have a blogger.

the bells of the church rang, pigeons scattered and not far away at the lincoln memorial,

honest abe quietly smiled and wished me to illinois

which is a perfect place to grow up, but

my mom made me cakes, invited my friends over, even sent them home with bags of treats and toys despite it being my birthday, thats just how it was. gift giving. sharing. leading by example.

one of the best gifts my mom ever gave me was patience. for generations our family went to and graduated college. quiet a feat for black families, but then there i was, dragging my feet academically through high school

with no real plan going into senior year other than maybe go to california and maybe go to junior college

maybe.

it must have driven her crazy. even my friends who had crappier high school grades than i, hustled off to state schools and little colleges around the midwest

and that fall i sorta checked in to a city college, only to have to extend my time there beyond two years because

i couldnt write well.

any other parent, including hypothetical me, would have blown a gasket.

20 years old and cant pass a community college history class?

but she hung in there. “no pressure. you got this. you know youre not a dummy.”

i was reading paradise lost for fun while being an ice cream man

she believed in my weirdness, reluctantly, but she believed, and therefore i did too.

soon i was writing every day, for money, for all to see in the college paper.

winning awards, kissing girls.

all because my mom a million years ago said, fuck it, lets get this negro out

tonight.

it cost her $200.

which i should write her a check for one day.