the day Jesus was crucified for our sins

i dont know about you, but ive already racked up a lot of sins. some worse than others.

the tricky thing about hell is since Jesus paid for our sins, technically we’re cool as long as we believe in Jesus.

but the catch comes with the Grace of God. cuz even though our sins are covered, He doesnt have to say everythings cool.

and we can plunge into the depths.

for ever.

and suffer worse than this.

as an optimist i want to believe that no one would pay for our sins and still let us fry

but as someone who is constantly surprised by life each and every day, i worry.

part of me says that no matter what sins ive accumulated, none are big enough that the Lord couldnta paid for them. theres no debt that cant be unpaid.

and being a Christian means to have faith.

but still.

and who doesnt love to celebrate how interesting and diverse los angeles is

and as cute as this video is, there really should be a few more landmarks and locations on these nice people’s checklist

the city of compton
dodgers stadium
staples center
disneyland
city hall
the playboy mansion
hollywood n vine
oki dog
pinks
skoobys
and amoeba to name a few

i was worried that the baby was an April Fools joke like it would crack open and locust or dragonflies would fill the office

but no, the aprils fool was that after we returned to our seats our computers had been stolen

nice work!

shes 24

first black girl i ever kissed.

host of the wildest night of my life (which happened on an entirely different continent)

author of a blog that for some reason doesnt exist any more

and she swears its not because of a man

but you know it is.

ah aries girls from foreign worlds

no one can tame you

but who’d want to?

happy birthday baby

in fact in less than two hours i will be doing it.

yet im not showered or dressed and i dont have all my notes together.

good thing i have my hand!

you betcha

hes the best guitarist ever

so good that i wrote a n Easter special birthday photo essay about him

EIGHT years ago. and its as true today as it is now.

fiyah!

without him id still be slangin cane out my hooptie

before he turned twitter into the worldwide phenomenon it is today, ev lead a small group of whiteboys down the path that would later be known as blogger.com

which has lead to all of this.

before blogging i was lost. i was broke. i rode a bus. and i was rudderless.

almost instantly after i discovered ev’s invention the skies opened up and bestowed upon me all the riches and blessings that any man could ever wish for

(except for Cubbie domination, spiritual enlightenment, and the retention of that sweet ‘fro)

its hard to remember the last guy since thomas edison who has ushered in not one but two culture-changing inventions.

hes the secret reason kids are off of school today.

happy birthday ev and thank you.

“to spend more time with her family”

clearly she was nervous that she wouldnt be re-elected or something

this is a sad day for we Wonkette readers who waited patiently for sk to return from pushing through that baby

and now look shes gone, justlikethat

i was just talking about sk yesterday at lunch

im psychic, i swear, someone should burn me

seriously i wonder what sk is gonna do with that ivy league degree, great looks, and biting wit?

hopefully she will be writing for a kardashian reality show soon

to quote one of the many fans in the wonkette comments section this is “mourning in america”

my favorite memory of wonkette with sk? this image when all three of the wonkette women reunited for the christmas special

but sadly i hafta be across town

the last time i went to such an affair i met a young lady whos name will be withheld because shes guilty.

mostly guilty of being at the wrong place at the right time.

gorgeous. way too young lookin. way too into it.
almost right away she hissed be my boyfriend and i will give you anything you want all the time.

and ive got a mirror or two in my many mansions. i know what im working with. nobody should be wanting to give me anything that i want all the time.

and she had no idea that what i wanted was food and lots of it. girl of my dreams woulda said on monday i’ll make you homemade fatburgers, tuesday homemade in n out, wednesdays big macs with xtra cheese, thursday turduckens…

shed say and there will be pies.

and shed say and we’ll have two kegs. one of beer. and one of grape soda.

if chickie had said anything even close to that i never woulda done the things i did to her.

one night we were fighting right as the date was starting.

i was all what exactly is going through your mind lil girl?

i was all, i will turn this car around and drop you back into your socalledlife

legs for days

lip gloss

bows here and there

and i turned the car around and she was shocked. probably every man she knew just rolled over for her, and like i said if there was mention of pie ida rolled over too. thats how good a kisser she was.

instead i flipped a bee and before we could get a block back her pout was gone and her hand was in mine.

i cant believe im as old as i am. still not as old as bukowski was when he did all the good ones.

or harry when he hit his stride.

you hafta say those things to yourself or you’ll cry.

just so i can do this.

and yes im glad the hand is that of a brotha