last month and linked to by shoepal and i think its pretty awesome so here it be:

Date: 2007-02-15, 9:08AM PST

Advice to Young Men from an Old Man

1. Don’t pick on the weak. It’s immoral. Don’t antagonize the strong without cause, its stupid.

2. Don’t hate women. It’s a waste of time

3. Invest in yourself. Material things come to those that have self actualized.

4. Get in a fistfight, even if you are going to lose.

5. As a former Marine, take it from me. Don’t join the military, unless you want to risk getting your balls blown off to secure other people’s economic or political interests.

6. If something has a direct benefit to an individual or a class of people, and a theoretical, abstract, or amorphous benefit to everybody else, realize that the proponent’s intentions are to benefit the former, not the latter, no matter what bullshit they try to feed you.

7. Don’t be a Republican. They are self-dealing crooks with no sense of honor or patriotism to their fellow citizens. If you must be a Republican, don’t be a “conservative.” They are whining, bitching, complaining, simple-minded self-righteous idiots who think they’re perpetual victims. Listen to talk radio for a while, you’ll see what I mean.

8. Don’t take proffered advice without a critical analysis. 90% of all advice is intended to benefit the proponent, not the recipient. Actually, the number is probably closer to 97%, but I don’t want to come off as cynical.

9. You’ll spend your entire life listening to people tell you how much you owe them. You don’t owe the vast majority of people shit.

10. Don’t undermine your fellow young men. Mentor the young men that come after you. Society recognizes that you have the potential to be the most power force in society. It scares them. Society does not find young men sympathetic. They are afraid of you, both individually and collectively. Law enforcement’s primary purpose is to suppress you.

11. As a young man, you’re on your own. Society divides and conquers. Unlike women who have advocates looking out for them (NOW, Women’s Study Departments, government, non-profit organizations, political advocacy groups) almost no one is looking out for you.

12. Young men provide the genius and muscle by which our society thrives. Look at the Silicone Valley. By in large, it was not old men or women that created the revolution we live. Realize that society steals your contributions, secures it with our intellectual property laws, and then takes credit and the rewards where none is due.

13. Know that few people have your best interests at heart. Your mother does. Your father probably does (if he stuck around). Your siblings are on your side. Everybody else worries about themselves.

14. Don’t be afraid to tell people to “Fuck off” when need be. It is an important skill to acquire. As they say, speak your piece, even if your voice shakes.

15. Acquire empathy, good interpersonal skills, and confidence. Learn to read body language and non-verbal communication. Don’t just concentrate on your vocational or technical skills, or you’ll find your wife fucking somebody else.

16. Keep fit.

17. Don’t speak ill of your wife/girlfriend. Back her up against the world, even if she’s wrong. She should know that you have her back. When she needs your help, give it. She should know that you’ll take her part.

18. Don’t cheat on your wife/girlfriend. If you must cheat, don’t humiliate her. Don’t risk having your transgressions come back to her or her friends. Don’t do it where you live. Don’t do it with people in your social circle. Don’t shit in your own back yard.

19. If your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel good about yourself and bring joy to your life, fire her. That’s what girlfriends are for.

20. Don’t bother with “emotional affairs.” They are just a vehicle for women to flirt and have someone make them feel good about themselves. That’s the part of a relationship they want. For you it is a lot of work and investment in time. If they are having an emotional affair with you, they’re probably fucking someone else.

21. Becoming a woman’s friend and confidant is not going to get you into an intimate relationship. If you haven’t gotten the girl within a reasonably short period of time, chances are you won’t ever get her. She’ll end up confiding to you about the sexual adventures she’s having with someone else.

22. Have and nurture friendships with women.

23. Realize that love is a numbers game. Guys fall in love easily. You’re going to see some girl and feel like you’ll die if you don’t get her. If she rejects you, move on to the next one. It’s her loss.

24. Don’t be an internet troll. Got out and live life. There is not a cadre of beautiful women advertising on Craigslist to have NSA sex with you. Beautiful women don’t need to advertise. The websites that advertise with attractive women’s photos and claims of loneliness are baloney. All they want is your money and your personal information so that they can market to you. The posts on Craigslist by young “women” seeking NSA sex, and asking for a picture are just a bunch of gay troll pic collectors. This is especially true if the post uses common gay lexicon like “hole” as in “fuck my hole” or seeks “masculine” men, or uses the word cock (except in the context of “Don’t send a cock shot.”) There are women on Craigslist. They are easily recognizable by their 2-5 paragraph postings. Most are in their 30’s or older.

25. When you become a man in full, know that people will get in your way. People who are attracted to you will somehow manage to step in your path. Gay guys will give you “the look.” Old people will somehow stumble in front of you at the worst time. Don’t get frustrated. Just step aside and go about your business. Know that these are passive aggressive methods to get you to acknowledge their existence.

26. Don’t gay bash. Don’t mentally or physically abuse people because of who they are, or how they present themselves. It’s none of your business to try to intimidate people into conformity.

27. If your gay, admit it to yourself, your parents, your friends and society at large. Be prepared to get harassed. See rule 14. If someone threatens you or assaults you, call the cops. Have them arrested. You have no obligation to self sacrifice because of who you are. As a gay person, you’ll have more social freedom than straight men. Use it to protect yourself. Be prepared to get out of Dodge if your orientation makes your life unbearable. Move to San Francisco, New York, Atlanta, or New Orleans. You’ll find a welcoming community there.

28. Don’t be a poser. Avoid being one of those dudes who puts a surfboard on top of their car, but never surfs, or a dude with a powder coated fixed gear bike and a messenger bag, but was never a messenger. Live the life. Earn your bona fides.

29. Don’t believe the crap about the patriarchy. More women are accepted and attend college. More degrees are awarded to women than men. Women outlive men. More men commit suicide. Men are twice as likely to be victims of violence, including murder. If you consider sexual assaults in prisons, twice as many men are raped as women (society thinks prison rape is funny). The streets are littered with homeless men, sprinkled with a few homeless women. Statically, women are happier than men. The myth that girls are being cheated by are educational system is belied by the fact that schools are bastions of femininity, mostly run by and taught by women. Girls outperform boys in school. It is the boys in school getting fucked over, and prescribed ritalin for being boys. Real wages for men are falling, while real wages for women are rising. Just because someone says something enough times, doesn’t make it true. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

30. Remember, 97% of all advice is worthless. Take what you can use, and trash the rest.

vicioustwist
san francisco
02-15-07

* Location: SoMa
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

its 442. i need to take tomorrow off. but tomorrow is important for us because weve already broken all the previous records so every day is gravy. but who doenst like a shitload of gravy?

i have a dilemma that i wish was harder to figure out but all roads lead to meet me in vegas.

for a very short period of time i was representing a very small portion of the microsoft organization. and they put me up in the best room ive ever been in at caesars palace. during comdex. it was amazing. the year before i was working at philips and nobody wanted to come to our booth even though we had the shit a year before it was microsofts. yet there i was on tv because i was wearing a microsoft polo instead of a philips one.

even the porsche we were giving away couldnt outshine the sparkle of that company at that time.

i imagine people feel the same way about apple or google today.

but it is interesting to see people leaving google and microsoft these days. big people. but i’ll tell you, after that comdex i felt very weird working for basically one guy and knowing that my hard work was going to a bazillionaire, so what difference does it really make.

so i quit and sold hot dogs in candlestick and was far more rewarded.

i should just take this girl to vegas. stay at the rio. stumble down and dance to prince. call a girl up to strip in the room for a few minutes and then see if she would double or nothing us to scrabble. as long as she doesnt get last she gets double.

i have lost like ten or twelve pounds since lent started. i will say this about giving up fast food. not only have i had to find belts, but my poops are downright perfect.

totally fascinating for you too im sure.

remember i was telling you about jenn sherry the other day on her birthday, well i finally found some of her interviews and i had no idea that she interviewed one of my favorite bands of 2006, the submarines.

i got an email from her boss the other day and he said that shes gonna interview me in the next few weeks so thats very exciting. the crazy thing is i think we’re gonna talk about coachella which i dont think im going to go to.

ah irony.

i dont think i will go because a) the motels are $400 a night – how is that even possible? b) its only one weekend c) i bet i can find people who are already going who will write about it for LAist

im such an old man. the other night i went to safari sams for check yo ponytail. i was there to see data rock but they didnt get on till way late and i got a phone call that the site was fuct. i saw two bands. one was good. i saw someone who i think still writes for us but im not sure. i love when she writes for us but i dont want to make it a bad scene so i dont bother her when she doesnt write.

but she should.

lost always inspires me to do stuff. today it inspired me to write a secret diary.

heres bonus footage of jenn interviewing the Grates at spaceland!

is nobody watching puck up there?

so last night i went to a press screening of a movie, and i hated it. and tonight im going to a rock show and i will probably like it.

then i have to be somewhere both thursday and saturday nights. wtf, america.

ok the video above is by mickipedia, who i dont know but shes pretty damn cute on flickr and theres also an appearance by skampy who i only seem to see in austin or at the shortstop.

i dont know what the vlog deathmatch is, but it doesnt include ann althouse (which the instapundit is predictably silent about), but i hope she wins.

so i went back to dating the old fashioned way, by hitting on waitresses at Dennys in the valley.

its hard to be intimidated by a waitress chick at dennys in LA, but i noticed that there were two types of girls who id end up asking out more than once. one were the girls who made me feel super cool and handsome.

but unfortunately the ones i ended up liking the most were the ones who made me nervous and made me feel ugly and disgusting. maybe its because i know im pretty damn disgusting.

also, i like being nice, and the girls who made me feel gross usually ended up on the nicer dates. whereas the sweet librarian types usually got their hair pulled harder and far more kinkier things ending up in their mouth and asshole than the other girls.

ive also been known to whisper some pretty foul things in the ears of shocked lass. but theyre always creative. and some are even possible.

the other night i had this girl tied up real good, face down because she was bad, i forget what she had done. oh yes, she had forgotten her plaid skirt. whore. and everything was going fine and she was still tied up and i was all is everything ok over there, and i lit a cigarette for her and she said yea and i put the cigarrette in her mouth because her arms were still tied to the bedpost you see.

and i said what do you wanna do next and she said tony i will do anything with you.

and if that doesnt make you feel like a handsome devil with a footlong cock then youre in deep trouble.

so i blew out the torch and got her worked up and she was a loud one which usually distracts me but ive been working on it. and i was whispering some shit and she was saying yes to everything and moaning and yelling and i whispered im gonna call your sister and let her hear you moan and she said please dont but she moaned it confusing me, which isnt to say i wasnt a bit worked up too, and we had drunken all that straight rum and something was smoked

and i was all, ok does she really not want me to dip into her purse and grab the phone and… or what? and i said im gonna put this phone in a very bad place and then call it with my phone and she said mmmmm and i said then im gonna sell it on ebay and she said mmmmm and i said and im gonna sell the video ive been making of this whole thing and she said mmmmm and i wondered if she heard me so i said and i will sell the dvd of what we just did for an hour and she said mmmmm and i realized that her phone had been on vibrate the whole time

and youd never guess when youre little who you wouldnt call back when youre older.

this is the best band in the world right now
because tsar wont come out of their clubhouse

this is from a show they did 28 years ago. most of you arent even 28 years old.
at this time ac/dc was supporting their new album, powerage, one of my faves.

i dont mind the smell of shit, i love southern rock, and i believe that if your car isnt going to get parked on your lawn then what the fuck did you get such a big lawn fer?

if i can get my act together i will finish this blog, get a phone call soon from this chick who has grown accustomed to talking dirty with me after last call until she falls asleep while touching herself, and then i can get to sleep, and then i will wake up and go to a funeral.

i dont think ive been to a funeral since my grandmother died when i was in high school.

lots of people die in the xbi but we dont have funerals otherwise everyone would know, duh, whos in the xbi.

the little joke i tell the widows are, damn i hope theres room left for us up there when its our turn.

no one ever laughs at my jokes.

it was 77 degrees today but i didnt go outside because i was working my ass off. you have no idea how much work it is to beat peoples asses. then the best laid plans still fall apart. even when we have the product, the story, the goods.

this week has been such a recovery of sxsw. in the week i lost all my check books, my wallet, my hotel receipt, my mind, and cathy seipp, whose funeral i will dress up for.

you may not know it because i pretend to be a sloppy and lazy writer, but i choose my words very carefully when i type. and even though i wrote about cathy when she was sick and then again when she died, and then in an email to her daughter, the one thing i wanted to convey was how feminine she was through it all.

i didnt even try to explain it because i was afraid it would be totally misunderstood but theres something about someone who knows that theyre dying, who doesnt give up at all, but who also doesnt turn overly agressive, thats fascinating to me, and if you can do it while still staying incredibly graceful and feminine, i feel is something otherworldly.

to me thats how cathy lived her life during the short period of time where our circles crossed. she was strong and very much a woman and neither of those attributes canceled the other out.

we men have a tough trick being gentle without losing our masculinity which is why some of us grow beards and drive pick up trucks so you’ll never forget youre dealing with a gentle man.

i dont know who will be at the funeral, but ive got a pretty good idea. the same sort of people who would end up at matt and emmanuelles back yard on a summer evening, except we will be missing one very cool blonde.

cathy seipp is #1 in technorati + emmanuelle