things take me even longer than before to finish.

i cannot do anything. im in quicksand. the doc doubled my dosage. maybe 2.5x more and all it does is make me write things like THIS. things i shouldnt be doing.

although i do feel bad that the glorious busblog the thing that launched it all has been not attended to properly.

i always thought when i was a kid because i read it in the bible, that id have multiple wives.

in a way i do, weirdly.

this thing
the Howard Stern facebook group of 22k members
hear in LA
the new Uber stories substack called Ride Overshare
setlist.fm (the only thing on this list that keeps the lights on)
Rock Illustrated
In Lub With the Cubs
and I am the commish of two fantasy baseball leagues

none of that is overwhelming

i missed a lot of days of blogging on this thing last month

whats overwhelming is i also want to drive every night, record every night, sleep more than 4 hours, and be able to pay attention to a task for more than 3 minutes.

somehow im able to do it, but is it any good? people say the sweetest things especially about the new thing, the uber stories.

and now pretty girls are writing be again, so maybe?

why? whats wrong with me. i feel like my brain is against me. its doing everything it can to stop me from success.

like bro, what would be so wrong with having a home you didnt have to stuff sweatshirts in the door cracks so the heat wouldnt escape? why cant a man have a dishwasher?

i’ll be writing and after One paragraph my head is all

“fuck this. one paragraph is gonna lead to two and then three and before you know it it’s over and you can have a real night of rest. may i interest you in some porn? sports? oh i know heres congress acting a fool.”

whats interesting is this blog has never been something my devil brain has ever used as a distraction or procrastination, because my brain knows ive made books from this content.

which it also hates for some reason.

wtf brain, are you mad i get you stoned so much?

i get you stoned so you’ll behave.

btw fucking cold in LA at night in bidens america.

i feel like i cant get anything done.

on paper everything is fine, the podcast just needs a blog post tomorrow

i have another one in the can i need to edit next.

i finished this side writing thing on time.

but the thing is i know i could do so much more.

time just flies. here it is so late at night and what have i really done?

i took an hour walk and listened to the episode another time all the way through

theres things i need to learn about audio mixing.

tony, theres things you need to learn about life.

they make you fill out  a little questionaire the day before the deal.

are you suicidal? do you wanna kill anyone? are you having trouble concentrating?

some wild questions before getting to the matter at hand.

anyways i am a peaceful man i just have a hard time concentrating when i need to do it the most.

so when i was filling it out today i started thinking i dont need any pills. im fine. i get a lot of things done.

but then tonight i realized im really cutting it close with one assignment i have. i just offered up an idea about another piece – much smaller – for bree. and then every monday and tuesday i have issues doing my dumb blog post.

so yes i do need pills because i just wanna be a normal guy who does his work, knocks it out, takes a dump and goes to sleep.

but since when have i ever been normal?

i told a pretty girl the other day that i have her pics all around my apartment. am i insane? how creepy does that sound?

told another i had her picture in my medicine cabinet. i thought that would disturb her. instead she told me about her memory of that day and how she did a lot of new things with me for the first time.

i said what?

she said, getting out of my comfort zone in order to grow as a person.

then she said, having my picture taken and believe I was beautiful.

the devil is working over time in our heads.

convincing knockouts they arent pretty

tricking writers like me into not writing.

then trying to talk my brain out of not pursing the meds they need.

this week is screwed because I LOVE DRIVING SO MUCH and today i couldnt do it bc of the podcast and tomorrow i cant do it because of the writing thing ive gotta do all day

which means i only have three days to make money at driving.

so heres the plan. my goal for those three days is $250 a day. and hit the $230 bonus, so thats not a bad week. plus the writing will get me $600 bc they owe me from last month.

ok whew im glad i wrote that all out. that means i can write tomorrow, take the dr call at noon. then go to the movies, get home, fall asleep early and be up at the crack of the day on friday and knock out 30 rides.