you dont realize it when its happening

but when we look back at 2020 and parts of 2021 we will say oh yeah it was terrible

and parts were super bad, dont let me pretend it wasnt

but other parts werent terrible, like the traffic was light

and people fucking ran if someone sneezed

crime was down, we clapped for hospital workers

shit was clean


but when i look back in the future will i even bring that stuff up

or will i say, the pressure was insane

i lost my job and had a hard time finding another one

unemployment was against me

beautiful amber and i split for a number of reasons

the cats got fleas

the cubs refused to re-sign their stars

and i didnt go to the movies or a rock show for over a year.

one silver lining:

my church got so good at doing church online.


amber is working six days this week

i think she is worried im not ever gonna get another job again.

i tell her, baby dont worry, if things really go to crap, i’ll get a gofundme and people will buy us a tent and we can move to venice.

that didnt settle her stomach.

so i said this is what id do if it all falls apart. maybe its something i should do anyways. i would start a church. you know i love the lord. you know the bible is my favorite book, you know i look at it differently than a lot of others do.

you know i would be able to get a time in one of the other existing churches around here, like Saturday Nights at 7:16pm.

she goes why then?

because i could say, tune in as we live stream at 6:66pm as homeless tony preaches from the good book live from hollywood, the center of the beginning of the end!

and i would have a little prayer at the beginning. people would shake hands. or hug.

then id say now that we’re warmed up, let’s hear some music, for it is written in Psalm 100, deliver unto the Lord a joyful noise. so ladies and gentlemen: Green Day!

of course Green Day wouldn’t be there. it would be some kids from the neighborhood who would sing something good from the Staples Singers songbook

something like Sit Down, Servant

and then i would read a little from the good book and bring it home as to how it applies today.

then id introduce Green Day again

we dance around

and id say give to caesar whats caesar’s but if you wanna support the rock n roll church, give till it hurts

and the band would play again and that’s church!

she said, we’re gonna die. please get a job.

i said i just got to heaven and i cant sit down

next week i bet she works seven days.


my man jerry invited me to church

so i went to church.

we met in the garage and took the elevator up and the guy in the elevator said are you two friends?

he said, yes we havent seen each other in a while though.

the man asked, oh? how long has it been?

and jerry said 18 years. 

jerry’s a good man, drives a cab that he owns. he has a long graying beard. walks with a cane. drives all the way from orange county to koreatown to go to this church because he says the ones by his house aren’t very progressive, let’s say. 

i had only gotten a few hours sleep because i was up all night working. didn’t get to bed until 5am because i didn’t wanna work at all on Sunday seeing that i knew i was going to church early and da bears were on at 5pm and who can concentrate leading up to a game between two teams leading their respective divisions?

so i worked and worked and so many things in life are so subjective so you try to make it as good as you can but who really knows if anyones going to like it until they say holy shit tony this is so good, so simple, so clear, so informative, and at times funny.  God has blessed you!

jerry expected me at that church at 10:20 and there i was at 10:20 in that elevator and i was all, wow, 18 years? time flies.

i was so sleepy. but who doesnt like a grand, beautiful, old school christian church with high ceilings and an enormous pipe organ with pipes over there, over here, behind you, in front of you, and an expert from UCLA playing the music, making it all work.

preacher said his hellos, the choir led us into two obscure Christmas hymns and then a woman, a beautiful young woman, in a period outfit said, and now i introduce you to Charles Dickens

and a man dressed up like that olden time whenever that was, waltzed out and the two of them, using musical instruments and a few chairs, acted out the entirety of A Christmas Carol. 

at first i was all, thats cute they’re going to do the opening and peace out so we can get back to church. but nope they introduced the three ghosts of Christmas Whatever – and these were thorough introductions, and then they went to the next one and next one.

the church was packed and entranced. applause breaking out after a beautiful song sung by the woman or a particularly well delivered soliloquy delivered by the man. 

did i catch myself dozing off from time to time due to the soothing melody of well written and sung lines by two obvious professionals? only the Lord knows.

and Jerry.