sometimes i read her old emails

beckydo people admit that?

do you think less of me for that?

you shouldnt.

some people obsess over bad things. they’ll replay fights theyve had or ways others have wronged them.

id rather focus on good stuff.

she wrote me emails like almost every day. sweet ones.

i wrote her too. but for different reasons.

for a while we were right there. but then no.

pink floyd once said

and if the band youre in starts playing different tunes,

i’ll see you on the dark side of the moon.

which is sad. and i didnt want this to be sad. i just wanted to admit something that if i get hit by a truck today everyone would know forever. which is, yeah sometimes i still read an email or two from the past.

to remember when someone thought i was cool.

there was a time when i was cool


that time is not now.

im not exactly sure when that time was, granted. i just know im not in it.

did i take full advantage of that era?

probably not.

im not one who often takes full advantage of anything.

most of the time i’m like this:

what the heck!

the rest of the time im like this:

holy hell!

when good things happen to me im surprised, when bad things happen to me im surprised.

im surprised during this period of time, which is the time when im not cool.

i feel like i have a cool job, i have a cool car, i have cool friends

arent those things that make someone cool?

maybe its my clothes. there was once a time when crappy clothes were cool.

maybe those days are over.

(those days will come back.)