did something dumb


the day started out good. amber woke me up just after noon and we just stared at each other

and she said youre the hottest man alive

and i said

damn straight.

then she said, can you get out of here for a few hours today.

and i said

damn straight.

first stop was this purple church ive seen a million times.

earlier this month we saw a dead guy being examined by the coroner at the los feliz triangle. while we were there i asked the two guys looking if they were journalists. one was the other said he worked at this purple church

and you could get showers there for free.

and they were always looking for clothing donations.

who among us doesnt have a few coats we could give up, and that turned into like six bags of clothes that ended up in my trunk… for nearly three weeks.

today i finally went and they were so great. my buddy brian was there. the guy running the joint was there and as we talked i asked, hey can i get this on video, people need to know. and he was all sure.

so then i emailed that traveling youtuber living in his car because he’s been taking cold showers in Venice.

then i drove to claremont to see rob, his wife, his mother n law and his teenage son.

we all just could not stop talking because we have all been quarantining so long and they have really done a spectacular job with their trees and lights and art and gadgets.

at one point i pointed and said, why do you have this if you have that?

carrie said, thats a jacuzzi and that’s a hot tub. they’re different.

i was sent home with some fruit, berries, and a spotted aloe plant.

and also i am invited back to talk to carrie’s mom whose family was so strict that they wouldn’t let her dance. ever.

she said the first time she ever danced was at rob and carrie’s wedding.

if i only knew i was witnessing history.

on the way home i stopped by walmart and saw this Christmas tree was being sold for $0.

before i could even understand what i was seeing, a sweet young lady saw me and asked, are you going to take it?

things that are cool to do in a mercedes: blast iron maiden

things that are not cool to do in a mercedes: tell a lady driving the not a mercedes that she cannot have the free tree.

the dumb thing i did was go into the walmart looking for baseball cards

because baseball cards are not worth catching a terrible disease.

ok this week i gotta get a job

ive been staying up, driving amber to work, driving home, reading the internet, reading the bible, listening to michelle obamas reading her book to me, petting the cats, eating oatmeal, not watching tv (!), talking to my mom

thanks to daylight savings time its 130am right now and i wanna take a walk. but my neighborhood isn’t really the kind that you just stroll in on a crisp night. you can. you could. i could. i have. but if something went down, lets just say no one would be surprised. havent we had enough surprises?

when i saw this picture of david bowie i realized i would have to dust off my business suit. it means business! it’s hilarious the dance we do to get a girlfriend a job entrance into a college a car loan an apartment. we wear clothes we know we wont wear in the office, we answer questions they probably will never ask again. i may even have to bring a briefcase of my work because who knows how difficult it will be to hook up your mac to their system? paper it is.

and dance it is. we dance when we dont want to all the time. 8th grade dance. prom. weddings when youre a kid. night clubs. of all the times ive danced id say only a few of the times i really wanted to. the end of the 8th grade dance (i was the dj), a few of my friends’ weddings, a handful of concerts, the kitchen with amber, vegas with amber, waiting for tacos with amber.

when i worked at mcdonalds this kid broke down the large cups cardboard boxes and laid them out in the parking lot. he started breakdancing. i think about that a lot. i should have learned from him.

cars stopped being cool when they stopped making vans


she texted me the most forward, clear, what some would consider disgusting, invitation

to dance.

i knew the moves.

the moves are simple.

drunks do it.

but theres two ways to get me to dance with you.

give me an hour heads up and text me what youre gonna be wearing.

or lie to me and say we’ll go for one drink and after we can pee in the alley

nowadays i dont have a lot of pee left in me.

so that outfit better really fit.