did i do my first podcast today? yes!

was i fucking terrific? yes!

was my guest even better? YES

we talked for three hours, america.

i hooked up the equipment, which wasn’t easy. and i think he was speaking too loudly into the mic but i think it worked, i hope it worked. im too scared to look at it.

but we got into everything that we should have, plus he told me about a secret project he’s about to launch soon. and we even got close to being emotional.

it was perfect.

now i need to listen to it and chop it down, which is gonna be work, man. shit.

i need an intern. i need help. i dont wanna revisit that world.

i dont wanna revisit things for a good 10 years afterwards.

i was reading some emails from 2010. its incredible that Gmail lets you do that.

i have had a full ass life. lemme tell you.

i had to clean up the house a bit because i did it here. so my place is clean, which is nice.

i wanna have a date.

i think im ready.

im not getting any younger.

i have zero prospects.

how is that even possible.

my neighbor told me that today was the first day she ever got flowers. it was her birthday.

do you know how many flowers ive gotten girls?

that should be part of life.

a man should not only know what flowers to get but where to get them in various parts of the city.

and then he should be generous with that knowledge.

and in a city where we have a damn Flower Mart, no girl should reach 27 without having flowers sent to her a few times

a year


this year i didnt get my mom flowers for mothers day

if i could go back in time, i would start

Reasonably Priced Flowers by Phone

because for the last million years ive been getting my mom flowers on mothers day and on her birthday and i cant remember more than one time when she took a picture of them that i was satisfied.

they either looked sickly or somehow wanting. and there never seemed to be as many as i had thought i had ordered.

and so often things seemed too expensive for what i was getting.

in my Flower Fone world, a dozen roses is $30, tulips are $25, gerbers are $20, and the deluxe double mixed would be $40.

for $100 we’d go nuts in a way that you’d always wanna give us $100. free vase, babysbreath, chocolate, and sparklers if its a night time delivery.

online we would do totally insane things like Remember what you ordered last time, Not ask you for all your info over and over, and Thank you for repeated business.

every now and then we might just send you free flowers out of the blue because what the hell else am i gonna do with left over flowers that i couldnt sell before they start wilting? throw them away? never! give em to your customers, jethro!

this year i got my mom an amazon echo. she says its because i want her to be able to say Hey Alexa, ive fallen and i cant get up! but the truth is, i love it. i used to use the clapper for my bedroom christmas lights, now i say alexa turn off the lights. i used to have to tell siri a million times to play Tsar, now alexa not only plays it but the echo dot speaker is fantastic.

basically, she works as advertised. the google nor the siri does. so thats what my mom gets.

she says she doesnt want a new tv for her room but shes getting one for her birthday i dont wanna argue.

anyways, this isn’t a picture of my mom, but it’s how i see her.

wildfires to wildflowers

my mom says God can fix everything, just be patient

there were very few things she shoved down my throat

very calm, trusting, freedom-loving woman.

she didnt bother me about church and for the rest of my years i loved the good book

she didn’t bother me about literature and politics and music, and i love those too

she didnt tell me i watched too much tv or wrote too much

she encouraged me in whatever i loved, and i thank her for that.

and any time i see beautiful flowers i think of her.

this weekend when amber and i drove through malibu and thousand oaks (pictured)

and we saw all the wildflowers, i wanted to fly my mom out here to see them with her

because they’re poppin right now, big time.