jesus wants us to trust him

today is sunday so here is my sermon

the bible is SUPER DOOPER CLEAR:

fuck money

fuck what other people think

fuck all yr dumbass worldly possessions

fuck yr feelings about your enemies and those you find yourself judging

it’s all bullshit. all of it.

the bible tells us that the weird little dance the bizarre game of Earth is fucking childsplay

it’s a fake tea party we’re having with a 3 year old.

aint no tea in that cup, son!

Jesus says the real tea is in the kingdom of Heaven.

Jesus says sell your shit and follow him

Jesus says love every fucking person: your friends your enemies your neighbors your family everyone


so when we worry, unless we’re worrying solely about if we are being loving Enough, then we need to stop worrying because worrying is a form of not trusting Him

and if you wanna be a believer of Him you gotta trust Him

easy-peasy dopey and sneezy.

Matthew 6:25 if yr scoring at home:

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Jesus continues:

26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Worry does nothing good. we think it prepares us but it doesn’t. Who was prepared for COVID otherthanObama?

a year ago this week i was in church and i looked at my phone to see that Kobe had died.

how was i supposed to know that hundreds of thousands of other Americans were also going to die in tragic ways in 2020?

we cannot prepare for squat. i have two Go Bags. neither are of any use, really. especially if The Big One hits when im at Neptunes Net.

which is why we have to just trust the big guy.

dance with who brung ya.

and Worry did not get us here.

Love did.


the first Christmas Eve

i have a long list of people i want to meet if i am fortunate enough to be invited to Heaven

cobain, hendrix, elvis, belushi

but i cant wait to ask Joseph, were you freaking out? you literally had one job and you sorta blew it.

you knew for a long while that your virgin wife was pregnant with the Son of God and in the eighth or ninth month you decide to journey to little ass Bethlehem to sign the census or pay taxes or something

even though the Son of God could probably solve whatever weird paperwork problem it would have caused if you had stayed


in Nazareth, but instead you wander, get to Bethlehem and cannot get a room to rent

even though your people are from there, dating all the way back to David

but theres no one around for a nice pregnant lady and her man?

and you can’t get a hotel motel or holiday inn to squeeze you in?

that pressure must have been incredible.

and what do you do when you say to yourself, ok, cool, mary, heres what we’re gonna do, you chill here next to this donkey and im gonna clean out this little shit shack here

and like animals we’re gonna do this right here under the stars

like was it that spiritual? or was it survival? was it her idea? was it that holy spirit that whispered in your ear at the beginning of all of this when you were gonna bail on her because you thought she had cheated on you?

who made it ok to deliver God

in the poop and piss mud of the stables – and then placed in the manger

manger, being of course the trough where the food is held so the animals can eat it. and what was the food for animals back then? all the left over grain and guts and god knows what

and slobber.

was that cool with you? did you feel like a loser? if i was a hippie would i feel different?

and it was cold. Israel ain’t Maui. It’s cold in the winter.

you must have huddled baby Jesus tight when you two and the donkey delivered Him into the world and slept through the night.

did you sleep? did the wise men wake you? could you sleep? that was Jesus. did you realize what you had there? was it obvious?

so many questions about what happened on this night, 2,018 years ago.

zero that have to do with Santa.

love and mercy

call me a purist but i havent heard one word about Jesus this Christmas

all these so called Christians, especially those on Twitter who have bios that say:

Bible, Family, MAGA

nobody’s talking about Jesus, the reason for the season. once a year there should be a good discussion about him

all the smartest minds: historians, poets, rabbis, preachers, priests, the pope. how come the only time we hear from the pope is when he is saying something punk rock? why isn’t there a limited series starring the pope and what he has to say about jesus like every three four years?

am i the only one in this for more than the presents.

poor amber was stressed because she didnt know what to get me i said socks, pajama pants, and something that you wanna wear about the house because i see you a lot more than i see me.

but what i want for christmas, truly, is to hear some good conversations about the son of God who came down to Earth, performed miracles, escaped into the desert, and then got killed in a terrible way only to return from the dead while his closest followers were running for their lives denying his greatness

to me thats something worthy of the twinkly lights