i was paid a very high compliment today

by this young lady.

it was such a nice thing that she said that i honestly don’t believe it.

which is odd because if she had said something terrible i wouldn’t doubt it in the slightest.

there should be a study on brains. why do we have such a hard time when people say nice things or do very nice things.

but when things are crappy or people are awful, that stays with us longer?

i can’t help but think that it’s because the Devil lives in our inner ear, constantly saying terrible things to us, endlessly trying to break us down, kill our spirit, ruin our days.

i dont know how often you read this blog, but one reason i list my blessings so often in here is because im trying to fight the devil. and in doing so i am trying to remind myself that a) i have had a blessed life b) that i have known some incredible people c) lived in amazing towns d) things will be better just around the corner.

in part because i know the Great Deceiver is beating the drum that it’s over for me. my luck has run out. that im old and bald and fat and ive lost a step. that my magic no longer works. and ANYTHING i did of any value in the past was pure luck that had nothing to do with me.

i look at this picture of Linda in my apartment in SF on folsom street and 24th and its like it was all yesterday. look at that honking computer monitor, giant speakers in the corner, cds perfectly arranged in my book shelf.

today talking to her on the phone i did laundry, cleaned up a closet, and we yapped about police business until my phone died. she used to be a cop.

i do have the greatest friends. they seem to still love me for some reason. Lord only knows why. but i am super grateful.